State Of Grace || °HSMTMTS°

Chapter 8

EJ

It's a rare occurrence in the history of mankind that somebody looks forward to Monday. But here I was, hoping that Monday would hurry up and come already. 

 I spent the whole weekend playing back what had happened that Friday evening. I knew I was wrong for keeping that photo on my phone, hell, it taking that photo was a mistake in the first place. Yes, Ricky looked through my phone, he wasn't perfect either, but my mistake just felt...worse. Being honest, if it wasn't for that photo I wouldn't mind him looking through my phone. I wouldn't mind anyone looking through my phone, while we're at that. Other than that one picture I never had anything to hide. That was probably due to the fact that I was quite uninteresting. Before that night my life was quite uneventful, which is sad to say out loud, but it was the truth. Before Ricky, I was monotonous. 

And God, this weekend made me realize just how uneventful my life was before Ricky and I got stuck in our enemies-who-have-sleepovers-way-too-often situation. Being without Ricky these two days felt like coming back home from the long vacation. You spend so much time enjoying yourself, living so far from everything you're used to, and when you come back, your day-to-day life seems bland and boring for some time. 

I'm sorry.

I know that was dumb of me to do, I'm sorry.

Can we just talk?

Damn, Ricky, can you please just pick up your phone dude? I just want to talk to you about this, I know that taking that picture was wrong...

Can you just give me a chance to apologize?

My eyes traced over these and many other texts that I've sent to Ricky in these two days. I called him, probably one too many times, but he wouldn't answer. Part of me thought he was childish for not even bothering to give me a chance to talk to him. Part of me couldn't blame him. 

What I did wasn't just plain wrong - it was borderline creepy. That picture was wrong on so many levels. I played his trust and taking a picture of somebody without their consent was very much illegal. I did enough googling to know that what I did wasn't considered pornography, thank God, but still, it felt like it. 

But there was still Monday. I'll make everything right on Monday. Or at least I'll try to. 

Turns out, Monday didn't go as I planned it. I wasn't sure what I had in mind, probably approaching him at rehearsal and apologizing in front of everyone. And he'd listen to me, at least. Maybe he'd hate me until the day he never has to see me again, but at least I'd get to say I'm sorry. 

When I got to the rehearsal, my eyes landed on Ricky right away. Instantly I noted that his hair was a mess and his skin was paler than I ever imagined it could be. He stood near the wall, talking to Nini. My hopes were all over the place. He didn't look like he was extremely happy to talk to her, his head hung low, and I couldn't even hear him talk. But still - he was with Nini. 

Nini tried to cheer him up, as she always does. She kept going on about music, her moms, skateboarding, and whatever, but nothing seemed to work. 

As for me, I wasn't sure what to do. What I wanted to do is pull him to the side, say I'm sorry, hug a heck out of him, and hope he doesn't push me away. But a part of me was stopping me from doing that, from even looking at him for more than five seconds. That part of me was telling me to just give up. 

I fucked up. I fucked up way more than once. Trying to fix this would only make all of this harder for him. It wasn't like his life wasn't hard enough on its own. Did he really need a guy who couldn't seem to make one right choice making it more complicated?