State Of Grace || °HSMTMTS°

Chapter 9

Ricky

The worst thing of it all was, after all of this mess, I still had to spend a full two hours with aunt Hilary and her devilish offspring. I myself don't even know how'd I managed too pull 'my-life-is-not-falling-apart' act so well, but I did it. Maybe being in a musical woke up my acting abilites?

Finally, the engine roaring outside was a god-sent sound. As the sound of tires became more and more distant, I was happy to say a silent goodbye to my last distraction. Naturally, the next thing I did was lay in the bed, and make a desperate attemt at becoming my own distraction.

After I while I realised that there's no point at trying to fight it. With my eyes fixated upon the ever-the-same ceiling of my room, I started thinking about my mom.

I thought about the fact that she was mostly not around to see me grow up, about a possibility that one day down the road, she'll stop being there altogether.

I was never big on 'what happens after we die' but for the next few hours I became an expert on that topic. Well, as much of an expert as you can become when it comes to things like that.

See I figured out a secrted of life:
It happens.

Now, I know that this might not be some super wise observation, but does it have to be?

Maybe there's a reason for everything, and maybe every single thing that has ever happend was just a coincidence. Maybe there is heaven for good people, hell for the bad ones - or maybe there's nothing at all waiting for us on the other side. Maybe there's no the other side. But there is this world, this life around us, that keeps happening every hour of every day, over and over again.

I don't know. Maybe life and that are way bigger than any of us could ever imagine, maybe they are nothing but a string twisted by fate.

I don't know for how long I lay there, rolling around my bed, thinking about my mom, about life, and how it ends. How I don't know anything.

What finally gets me back into the realm of the living is yet another text message from EJ.

Even then, I try to fight it, as I search for comfort in certainty of death.

See, death is inevitable. Wheather you wish for it or not, it awaits all of us at the end of the road. No matter what you do, how much you fight it, it comes. When you think about it long enough, it becomes weirdly reassuring.

Death is, just as life, quite a simple thing.

On the other hand, whatever is going on between EJ and me, is far from simple.

So I try my best not to think about him. And it works for me, at least for a while. Then I realize one thing - maybe I own him this. Maybe I own him a chance to apologise.

Because you see,
Maybe life was meant to happen this way. Maybe I was meant to meet EJ's good side at this moment of time.
Or maybe these last few day weren't planned by universe, they just happened on their own.
But whatever this is, wheater a thing that's been set up by higher power, or a total coincidence, I don't think I was ready to give it up just yet.

But EJ had to wait. Cause I had one other person I had to talk to first.

I walk downstairs to find my dad sitting in the living room. The only lighting in the room comes from the TV that's playing one of those cooking shows, my dad though, he's looking right through the piece off wall above it.

"Dad", I say carfully. He turns around to face me. For a moment I can see the tiredness in his face, outlined by the flickering light of the TV. He tries to mask it by putting on a smile.