billies pov
i loved her, i still love her. She was my soulmate the love of my life my best friend. She was my happy place, and now she's gone. I've tried to reach her in every way possible i've even went to her apartment but her roommate told me it's not a good idea to see her like this. Meaning i broke her, i hurt her when i promised her i never would. i LIED to her and i didn't even mean too. I didn't cheat, i didn't abuse her, but i told her we would get married and grow old together, then went off and broke her heart. I was a player when I was with boys, i didn't like the idea of love and then she walked into my life never planning to walk out but I fucked it up and pushed her out of it. I wanted to come out SO bad but I loved her and we were a couple so any hate i got she'd get too. I tried to explain why i was breaking up with her but she couldn't understand. In all honesty i don't understand why i did it, i'm nothing without her. I thought it would be easier to come out knowing she wouldn't get hate but she was my motivation to come out. Another reason i broke up with her is because i was scared i'd be at a party or something and I'd get with someone thinking it's her because my brain in programmed in a way that makes me always think of her so i'd be kissing someone else while thinking about her, making me think i'm getting with her. It's never happened but i'm scared it would. God i'm so stupid. Right now i'm sitting in the parking garage of her apartment with her things she left at my house balling my eyes out. I left a note in the box explaining why I did it and if she wanted to talk to meet me at our spot tomorrow at 6 pm. Once i collected myself i get out of my car and walk into the building. Once I arrive at the door i expect her roommate to answer but I guess her roommate wasn't home because she answered. She was wearing booty shorts and one of the hoodies she took from me. I quickly realized i was staring when she started talking.
"D-do you want it back?" she asked her voice cracking
"u-uhm no no it's fine keep it" i said handing her the box. She stood there for a moment before speaking again
"billie"
"y/n" i said watching her eyes get glossy mine doing the same
"u-uh thank you for bringing this I'll see you around" she said
"w-wait y/n-"
"no billie, i'm not gonna stand here and be vulnerable towards you, thank you for bringing my things." she said never making eye contact with me "this is a final goodbye, you broke up with me and i'm done fighting for something you clearly didn't want in the first place"
"how could you say that-"
"goodbye billie" she said "thank you for everything, some things aren't meant to be I wish you the best"
she whispered before making eye contact with me, when she looked into my eyes I knew that it would just be best to walk away.
"Goodbye y/n, you may not believe me. it i still love you, i will always love you thank you for believing in me when no one else did" I said before turning and walking down the hallway. I could feel her watching my every move, my hands in my pockets trying to hold back a sob. Once i reached the elevator i felt the tears start to pool out of me. I quickly regained myself once the elevator doors open cause who knows if there was paparazzi watching me. When i got home I sat in the shower and cried. I really hope she goes to our spot tomorrow.
Your pov
As soon as i saw the elevator doors close i closed my door and sobbed. Why did she have to go, why did I let her walk away. I'd do anything to have her look into my eyes and smile at me, or grab me by the waist and kiss me, or have her hug me from behind and get overprotective when I am talking with someone. Why did she leave me, why wouldn't she talk about it with me or let me give her reasons why i don't care about hate. I decided to just go to bed and wait until the morning to open the box, i want ready to be reminded of our memories just yet.
-the next morning-
I heard Max my roommate walk into my room turning the lights on
"get tf up" she said
"no" i said
"what's this box" she said making me immediately get up forgetting it was there.
"it's my stuff i left at billies" i said playing with my hands
"who brought it to you, finneas?" she said
"billie"
"WHAT?!" she said, she knows how much i still love billie and she knows if i saw her again i'd either hurt myself or just cry until i couldn't anymore. Ashamed of myself knowing i did both of those things last night.
"you're telling me billie cam to this apart and saw you, and you talked?! face to face" she said
"yup that's what happened" i said tearing up
"y/n" she said sitting on the bed i pulled my hoodie sleeves down over my hands signaling that i didn't wanna take about what i did. she just sighed and pulled me into a hug.
"i love you, i'll make you waffles" she said making me smile knowing how much i love waffles
"thank you" i said before she got up and went to the kitchen.
-time skip to 6 o clock-
i decided it was a good time to open the box and put my stuff away but the first thing i saw was a note
Hey y/n,
i gave this to you on friday so on saturday at 6pm i'm willing to explain any and everything to you. I need to talk to you, if you're willing to come meet me at the spot
-billie
i checked the time 6:03 shit, I have to go, not only do i also need to talk but i want an explanation. I look like trash so i quickly put on some joggers and a lace crop top with a bandanna. I put a sweater and some sneakers on and run out the door. It's now 6:10 and the spot is about 10 minutes away so i speed as fast as i can. I'm pulling in when i see billie get in her car
"Billie!" i tell making her turn around she sees my car and smiles making my heart ache, i missed her smile. I park my car and get out locking it. She's waiting for me by her car.
"Hi" i say out of breath
"hey" she said
"u-uh let's go" she said trying to distract from the awkwardness. The spot is a hill right over a beach in La, most people don't come here so we are alone. We sit down on the grass and just look out at the view for a minute.
"i didn't think you were coming" she said looking at me
"in all honesty i didn't read your note until it was 6" i said never making eye contact with her.
"why?" she said chuckling
"i don't know, i guess i wasn't ready to face the memories we had" i said finally looking at her all i saw was guilt in her eyes
"i'm sorry y/n" she said "i should've talked with you about the whole situation"
"probably should've" i said, it seemed like i could care less about her but on the inside i wanted her to hold me and cry into her shoulder.
"well can we at least talk now?"
"that's why i'm here" i said facing her
"When i told you i wanted to get down on one knee and give you my last name i meant it, i do mean it. The reason I ended it with you was because for a while i've wanted to come out and knowing there are gonna be a lot of people who except me there are gonna be people who aren't. Knowing we were together i couldn't bare seeing you get hate, it's easier to target you for some fucked up reason and you know that" she said staring at me, it was true it was easier to target me, people would send me a bunch of disgusting pictures, items and drugs because i was gay. Most people just knew we were dating without us having g to announce it, so once the homophobes found out i was gay and was "oddly close with her" i got bashed for it. She just got hate comments
"I didn't want you to be bashed and have worse things sent to you if i announced we were dating, i thought it would've been easier to come out knowing you wouldn't get hate but i realized that no matter what we'd announce we were dating- if we ever got together again- and I don't want to come out if it's not you who i tell the world i'm in love with. I want to tell the whole world that you're my girlfriend and you are like the reason i'm gay, you're beautiful, talented, smart, fierce, goofy, i mean the list can go on" she said looking at me making me giggle.
"i'm still madly in love with you, even if you aren't the first person i text in the morning anymore you are still the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing i think of before i go to sleep. I still wake up wanting to love you with everything i have in me I still-" she paused "in saying that i love you and i've never stopped. I'm asking if you'd take me back, obviously if you don't want to thats perfectly ok i mean-"
"billie" i said making her stop talking "you know what fuck it" i said pulling her in for a kiss, god it felt good. Once we pulled away we stared into each other's eyes
"yes i'll take you back" i said kissing her again.
"i-i can't explain the things you do to me." she said out of breath. We ended up talking and laughing until the sun went down, she drove with me to my apartment. Once we were both out of sight from anyone that could be paparazzi we shared a final kiss before she got back into her car and went home.
I'm on cloud 9, she's finally mine again
