Forever and Always

eight // decisions

(Not edited hehe xox)

I am startled by the knock on my door. I switch the volume down on my TV and place my cup of tea on the coffee table in front of me. I am still in my pajamas as it’s only 8 o’clock in the morning. I would normally be going for a jog on the shoreline but I can’t find the energy in me right now.

I open then door to reveal Nate. I am a little taken aback by his arrival at my doorstep but I guess I’m happy to see him here. Even after I walked out without saying goodbye just three days ago.

“Hey.” I greet.

“Hey Ames.” He replies inviting himself in as he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

We walk into the lounge and kitchen area silently. I am really curious as to why he is here uninvited. Not that I have an issue with it, it’s just he’s never gone out of his way to see me.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s early but I know you go for early morning runs so I thought it’d be late for you.” He laughs and so do i.

“I didn’t go this morning, I didn’t have it in me.” I admit and he nods in understanding.

I ask him if he wants a drink and he tells me water. What a simple human. As I pour his water, my eyes flicker to the envelope. I can’t keep avoiding this. I need to open it and maybe with Nate being here it’ll be easier for me.

“You okay?” He asks when he notices my heavy breathing. Even I hadn’t noticed.

“Um….” I put down the jug of water and grab the envelope.

“What’s that?” He questions sitting up from the stool. I hold the envelope out for him to take.

“I already know what’s in it.” I whisper. Nate hesitantly takes it from my shaking hand. The crease in the middle of his forehead is prominent at the moment. I turn my back to Nate to finish pouring his water. When I place his drink in front of him his now glassy eyes look up at mine.

“Ames…” He whispers, a smile spreading across his face.

~.~

Australia, 2013

“I think that was an amazing take.” Nate compliments me as Lisa claps frantically. I roll my eyes at her with a laugh.

“You’ve said that every time we finish a take.” I laugh. We’ve filmed nearly 20 takes of my audition monologue for a new and upcoming show that’s set to be aired in early 2016. The only bad thing about it, it’s being filmed in London. It’s my dream to go to London and even to live there but it’s scary to think I’m actually auditioning for something that’s so far away from everyone I love. But the chances of me getting the part of Jennifer who is the main character are very slim. I’m not the greatest actor but I can be great if I really try. And that’s what I’m doing for this audition. To know the producers and casting directors of this show are allowing auditions from anyone whether they are in London or somewhere else around the world makes me feel like I really have a chance.

“Yes because it’s true.” Nate smiles, pointing his index finger at me as he switches the camera off.

“Well I think that last take was the best one you did out of them all, do you want to do another or leave it at that?” Lisa asks me.

“No I feel pretty confident with that last one.” I say, letting a huge breath out. The nerves are beginning to set in now. I can’t imagine what they’ll be like when I see Nate press the send button of my video.

“Ok well I’m going to go upload this to my laptop and send it in.” Nate tells us and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

When Nate is out of the room, Lisa smiles at and squeals. Bringing me into a tight hug, she tells me how proud she is of me.