Forever and Always

nine // telling lisa

(I will be editing all chapters when the book is completed, Enjoy :) xox)

Don't let her be the reason you can't.

For two days this is all I've been hearing inside of my head. He's right though, I can't let her be the reason I can't live my dream. Lisa wouldn't want that. But I also don't want to leave her at a time like this even when I know she would want me to go no matter what's happening.

I arrive at the hospital after my classes have finished for the day. I notice Liam in the playroom as well as Lily approaching me as I turn my eyes away from my nephew.

"Amelia!" She greets with her toothy smile.

"Hey, how are you?" I ask making conversation. She's been looking after my sister for three nearly four months now.

"Tired but well, how about yourself?" She asks with slight concern.

"I'm uh..." confused, exhausted, scared, broken. "I'm good." I lie with the best smile I can fake to make her believe I am and by the expression on her face, she beleives it.

"That's good well your family are in Lisa's room except your father, he's with your nephew in the play room." She tells me. I didn't even notice my father in the room when I first looked but when I look for a second time there he sits in the corner with a book reading to Liam as he watches his grandfather read the simple words.

"Is Robert in there?" I ask quietly and she chuckles.

"No there is no sign of him today."

"Thank you, I'll talk to you later." I say and she smiles while reaching her hand out to pat my shoulder lightly. I nod and proceed walking to Lisa's room. My mother and Nate are in deep conversation when I enter and I don't believe they notice me walk in.

"Well we need to tell her event- Amelia!" My mother screeches, sounding a little surprised by my arrival.

"Tell who what?" I ask curiously.

"Oh my PA about her raise." Nate says a little too quickly and my Mother nods. I don't buy it but I let it slide...for now.

"Ok?" I say but it sounds more like a question.

"Mum, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" I ask after a few seconds of silence. She nods and begins walking out the door, meeting me outside the dull room.

"I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day. I shouldn't have said those things to you..." I say hoping she's not too angry with me. What I said was hurtful and if it was my daughter that said those things to me, I would be hurt too so I don't blame my Mother if she is still angry with me.

"It's fine darling." She accepts my apology. "I know you're struggling a lot right now and you're trying to cover it up but I know you too well." I laugh at that because it's true she knows when I'm not ok even when I don't want to admit I'm not.

"Something is going on...something you're not telling me about." She says to me. Well I could say the same thing to her. There's something that I'm not aware of either and I know it involves my sister. I know it does.

"Yea, remember that show I auditioned for last year?"

My mother thinks for a second before nodding.

"Well I got the part." I tell her not knowing what to expect as a reaction from her. I swear for a second all colour drains from my Mother's face and I almost fear for a second that she's going to pass out on me right here.

"Oh my god, you didn't?!" She gasps and I nod while a huge smile creeps on to my face.

"Honey this is incredible, I knew you could do it! I'm so proud of you." She screams-quietly of course-and pulls me into a hug. I place my hands on the upper of her back and close my eyes. Hugging my mother feels so foreign.

"You must feel on top of the world." She smiles widely when she pulls back from the short embrace. I nod as it's the truth. Getting this part will change my life, it's everything I've wanted and waited for my whole life.

"But I can't go." I tell her and just like Nate did, she frowns at me.

"I don't understand? You auditioned for this..." She trails off.

"Not with Lisa being like this, I just can't bring myself to leave."

"No darling, don't do this, don't do this to her. She wants you to go." She tells me, grabbing ahold of my hand.

"But she-"

"Why don't you go in to speak with your sister as if she is awake..." My mother cuts me off. For a second I think about it and consider going in there to talk with her. I haven't done so in awhile. I miss holding her hand even if she's not squeezing mine back.

"Tell her you made it but you're scared to leave and I'm sure up in here," She pokes at my head lightly. "You will hear exactly what she would say to you."

I smile and nod. My mother lets go of my hand and allows me to walk into Lisa's room. Nate sees me and I quietly ask him if I could be alone with her for a bit. He smiles and leaves, closing the door softly behind me leaving Lisa and I alone. The way I've always liked it.

"Hey sis." I take her hand in mine. I feel a wash of comfort flood through my body. She's always made me feel comfortable when I'm with her. Awake or not.

"I don't know what to do." I tell her feeling the tears coming already. I imagine her suddenly sitting up straight, staring at me intently, waiting for me to spill what's on my mind.

"Remember how I auditioned for that show in London last year?" I run my fingers over her 'sister' bracelet. "Well I got the part." I close my eyes as I picture her jumping up and down, screaming and pulling me into such a suffocating hug, which are one of my favourite hugs from her. I can hear her repeating the words, "I'm so proud of you" over and over again in my ear. I can almost feel the wet patch that would be beginning to settle on my shirt as she cries her tears of joy. I can almost feel her hands cupping my cheeks as she congratulates me. I almost believe we aren't in this dull hospital room instead we are at home sitting on the couch gossiping about useless things that we care less about.

But I open my eyes and I am reminded that we aren't sitting on the couch gossiping about useless things. I am reminded that we are in the dull hospital room with only one of us being able to speak.

"And I want to go but I can't leave you Lisa." I cry. "I can't leave you at a time like this. You need me. Liam needs me, I can't bring myself to leave you right now.... not when I don't know if you're ever going to wake up again."

By now I am sobbing, I am breaking once again. I can hear her arguing with me, telling me how stupid I am for putting my dream on hold because of her. I can hear her telling me that she will forever be disappointed that I am not taking this opportunity.

"I know you want me to go, I do too but I'm scared that if I go while you are still sleeping here....I won't ever see you again." I bawl. "I'm scared to receive a call that the doctors couldn't do anything to help you anymore or even worse, I'm scared to come and visit to be told you are no longer with us."

I stand up from my seat, still hold her hand, I lean down and hug her. Nuzzling my face into her neck. I cry and cry. I repeat the words, "I need you to stay with me" into her ear praying and hoping that maybe she can hear me. But I know she can't and that's what makes this all so much harder.

I take a deep breath before pulling back and leaning towards her forehead and giving her a long kiss.

Opening my eyes as I retrieve myself from her, I lightly caress the side of her face with my hand and that's when I notice the small tear fall from her eye.