Forever and Always

fifteen // goodbye

“What?” Nate gasps. “No that can’t be right…I’m sure the doctors would’ve said something if she was pregnant. They would’ve known.”

“I don’t understand it either but all I know is that there was a baby waiting to be brought into this world and if you had given Lisa more time to wake up, the baby could’ve had it’s second chance to live.” I say, not meeting Nate’s eyes. Why am I being so hostile?

“You keep blaming me.” He states with a hurt expression on his face.

“I’m blaming all of you. You all talked about it for months and not for one second did I know what the hell was going on or the fact that I’ll show up at the hospital one day to see my sister is actually dead.”

“Amelia, it’s what Lisa would’ve wanted…” My mother speaks up.

“What Lisa wanted or what you wanted?” I say to everyone in the room and hear gasps escape their mouths.

“How dare you say that?” My father says taking a step towards me.

“She wasn’t making improvement Amelia. Do you really think we would want to intentionally put her to sleep forever?” My mother raises her voice.

I open my mouth to speak but realise she’s right. They wouldn’t want to put her to sleep forever but that doesn’t make it all ok. They kept this from me. They discussed my sister’s passing behind my back, giving both Lisa and I false hope about her living again. They made me give my nephew false hope that his mother will wake up again.

“You know I’m right, Amelia.” My mother says softly. “You knew Lisa wasn’t going to wake up, you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit the truth and that’s ok, we all didn’t want to admit it but the doctors wouldn’t have suggested turning the life support off if they knew she was going to wake up sometime.”

“That doesn’t take the pain away.” I whisper.

“I know darling.” My mother nods. “ We are all hurting.”

“No..no your not. You all had the time to prepare yourselves for this, I on the other hand, had no time. I show up to see my boyfriend and my best friend randomly standing in the corridor with the rest of my family then I see my sister die right before me. You all knew what was coming and I didn’t.” I begin to cry once again.

I turn around to face Lucas and Kiara, opening my mouth to ask the question I hadn’t yet asked.

“Did you both know about this?”

I notice the two of them shift uncomfortably and it’s enough to answer my question.

“Babe, I didn’t know they were going to turn it off…I only heard them discussing it when I came to visit Lisa once..” Lucas explains.

“Save it.” I hold my hand up to shush him. “You could’ve mentioned it to me.”

“I didn’t want to, I was scared myself, I didn’t know how to just mention it to you.”

I ignore him and look at Kiara. Tears spill slowly from her eyes like rain slipping down a misty window.

“You knew?”

“Lucas mentioned it.” She whispers the words that cut me.

“I’m your girlfriend and you tell me best friend but not me?”

“I went to her for help, I can’t bare seeing you broken ok? And the thought of telling you killed me so I went to Kiara but we both thought it was best that you didn’t know.”

“I can’t deal with this.” I sigh and begin leaving the room. I feel my mother tug at my arm but I aggressively pull away.

“Don’t.” I say through gritted teeth.

She lets go of me and turns to face the floor just as everyone else does.

“Amelia don’t go please.” Nate whispers as reaches for my hand.

“I can’t forgive any of you for this. I never want to see you again.”

“Amelia are you serious?” He gasps.

“Deadly.” I answer.

The thing is that I know what I’m doing is stupid. I shouldn’t be angry at my family but I cant help to be. I understand their point of not wanting to tell me but that doesn’t fix the stabbing pain I felt in my chest when I heard Nate say “turn it off”. He didn’t hesitate for one second, it’s like he knew that was what he wanted. But I know he loved Lisa but I didn’t know he didn’t love her enough to keep fighting.

I didn’t know I was the only one who wanted to fight.

…

Both Lucas and Kiara have left me endless message and calls in attempt to get me to talk to them. Nate, my mother and father have too.

I just can’t bring myself to face those that gave up on Lisa. I even still can’t comprehend that she is gone now. No more trips to the hospital, no more sitting by the bed talking to her and no more hold her hand or giving her endless kisses.

It’s all over now.

It’s been a week since Lisa’s passing and today is the day of her funeral. The day I do have to face my family and maybe even my best friend and boyfriend.

Dressed in an all black dress with my hair cascading down my back, I make my out of my apartment and head for my last goodbye.

Everyone is already seated in the church when I arrive and the pastor is now speaking to all of Lisa’s family and friends. I sneak in silently and take a seat in the back row. No one notices me, which I am thankful for.

“And now for a speech from Lisa’s beloved Sister, Amelia.” The pastor calls me out and I notice everyone searching the room for me. My eyes widen as I stand to my feet. I didn’t know I was speaking today. I haven’t even prepared a speech.

I walk down the aisle trying to ignore the sympathetic stares that are looking at me. I notice Nate and my family sitting at the front, I stop and look at them. They are broken, just as much as I am. They look up at with hope in their eyes and Nate nods at me. He’s the reason why I’m doing a speech for Lisa and I can’t tell if I’m angry or thankful.

I walk up the small steps where the pastor stands and gives me a small nod. He guides me to the stand where I shift uncomfortably. I see beside me there is a photo of Lisa, her blond hair in the wind with the ocean waves collapsing behind her. I took this photo. I smile to myself remembering how we saw Nate fall down the small sand dune making the two of us laugh. And when I saw how much she was laughing, I snapped the picture capturing her in a beautiful moment.

I turn to face the silent audience again, the sympathetic expressions still staring at me waiting for me to begin a speech I didn’t prepare for.

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So i have ended it short here because i want the next chapter to be Amelia's speech. I know that Amelia is being a bitch with how she handling Lisa's death in relation to her family but i guess you've really got to put yourself into her position to understand why she's so angry with them :)

Thank you for reading :D
Amy Louise xox.