Forever and Always

ten // amelia's song

“Lisa?” I whisper. “You can…you can hear me?”

Oh my god. She can hear me. She’s still here; she’s still here with me, with us. I want to run out to Nate and tell him but I don’t think he would believe me. So I just remain by Lisa’s side crying knowing she hasn’t left me yet.

“I love you ok? I love you so much.” I tell her in between the light kisses I place on the back of her hand.

“Ames?” Nate’s voice startles me.

“You ok?” He adds coming up behind me. I nod and turn around to face my brother-in-law.

“Nate you’re not going to believe this.” I say.

“What is it?”

“Lisa, she…a tear fell from her eye when I told her about London.”

“A what?” He asks confused.

“A tear,” I tell him. “She cried, she’s still with us Nate.” I grab ahold of his hands but he quickly withdraws them.

“Is this a joke?” He looks hurt.

“What? No of course not. Why would I joke about this?”

“I don’t know because you might think it funny…”

“No Nate, I’m being honest, I saw the tear fall from her eye. I didn’t believe it at first either but it was real.”

“You think this is funny?” He bites.

“What the? I’m not laughing. Why don’t you believe me?!” I begin to raise my voice. This is so like him. He never listens to me.

“Because she’s basically dead. She can’t hear you!” He shouts, scaring me a little.

“She isn’t dead and she can hear us. Just because she can’t respond doesn’t mean she’s dead. That tear was her only way to respond to me, to prove to me that she is with us still.”

“Stop with the fucking tear, there was no tear.” He snaps at me and I am on the verge of tears but I hold them back.

I am about to shout back but we are both startled by my sister’s heart monitor continuous beeping begin to speed up. Nate runs out the door to get a Doctor while I stare at my sister with wide eyes.

What is happening?

“Nate I think she was responding to us.” I tell him but he shakes his head. I see Lily rush into the room not taking notice of Nate and I.

“Stop just stop ok?!” He yells at me. He has never treated me like this.

“Excuse me but I’ll need you two to leave the room and take the yelling somewhere else.” She scolds us in a somewhat professional manner.

Nate and I leave the room and I stare blankly at him.

“Nate why are you being so against me right now? I am trying to give you hope. She’s responding to us.”

“You call that responding? Her heart rate went up way too much, Amelia!”

“Yes because we were yelling!” I fire back.

“Because we were yelling.” He mocks. “Just go.”

I see my Mother round the corner with a shocked face.

“What?” I gasp. Tears sting at my eyes

“Go.” He repeats.

“I can’t leave, I need to know if Lisa is going to be ok.” I begin to cry.

“Just go, I don’t need you here.” His words stab at my heart and before I can register what I am doing, I am running out of the doors in tears.

…

When I arrive inside my apartment, I throw my car keys across the lounge area knocking over a candle that thankfully wasn’t burning.

Tears are streaming down my face non-stop. I can just imagine how bloodshot and puffy my eyes would be with the 45-minute drive from the hospital to here. All I had done was cry and I am surprised I hadn’t caused an accidently with my blurry vision.

I finally stop crying when I lay down on my bed letting out the screams into my pillow.

Why was Nate acting like this? Maybe he’s just scared to hear the words she’s still here. I knew deep down he wouldn’t have believed me but there’s always that bit of hope in me wanting to believe that he could’ve at least tried to hear me out. He frustrates me so much when he becomes so stubborn. But what hurt me the most was the way he told me to leave but even more so when he told me that he no doesn’t need me. The venom laced in his voice cut through me like a knife. I had never felt so broken until he said those few words to me.

The worse thing is that while he claims he doesn’t need me, I need him. I need him more than anything right now. He has always been there for me since I was a young girl. He’s always been the one person I went to when I couldn’t with Lisa. Which to mention wasn’t often but I new that there was always a real brother in him. The brother Robert could never be.

I feel like Nate has just taken what’s left of me and smashed and stepped on it enough times to make sure there is nothing left.

I’m slowly losing him too.

Lifting myself up from my bed, I sit at the edge, playing with my fingers. I look at my guitar that sits in the corner of my room. I stand and pick my guitar up, my fingers tracing over the strings wanting to feel the sound vibrate through my body.

I begin to strum a few chords feeling the familiar sensation flow through my body making me feel something again.

I run through my mind thinking of a song I could sing to express what I’m feeling right now.

And when I settle on ‘Little Do You Know’. An original song of mine I had written when Robert and my parents were going through a rough patch before I moved out. , I begin strumming the chords and begin to softly sing the words.

“Little do you know how

I’m breaking while you fall asleep

Little do you know

I’m still haunted by the memories

Little do you know

I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece

Little do you know I…

Need a little more time

Underneath it all I’m held captive by the hole inside

I’ve been holding back for the fear that you mind change your mind

I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know I…

Need a little more time.”

I play the last chord as I feel my eyes become heavy with sleep. I lay my guitar down on the empty space next to me on my bed.

I don’t bother changing out of my clothes or even bother pulling the sheets up to cover my shivering body. I let my eyes close and allow sleep to take me under and remove me from this world for a few hours.

___________

Short chappy lol. Song credit to Alex and Sierra for their amazing song 'Little Do You Know'. Check it out if you haven't already, you won't regret it :D