Forever and Always

thirteen // silence

It’s now August and Lisa still hasn’t made any improvement. Maybe singing to her making her mind replay a happy memory didn’t work like Nate and I hoped. But she isn’t the only thing on my mind… London is too.

I still haven’t made my mind up on whether I want to go or not. I guess that decision is going to be made in a month’s time. Which scares me to death.

Liam hasn’t seen or heard from the young girl in a few months now. Not sure if I am happy or slightly concerned about it. Either way I still don’t understand her purpose of visiting my nephew for those few months. It sure is rather strange.

I can still feel the touch of a hand on my shoulder as I exited her room that night. The feeling of gave me a weird sense of comfort and reassurance. Not that I know what I was being reassured for.

The touch of the hand felt too familiar but I have been avoiding the familiarity of it since the night it happened. I can’t bring myself to even think it was her.

I’ve ran into Robert a few times when I’ve visited the hospital but he’s kept his distance from me which I am thankful for.

I hate that my family has become so divided because of him. The family together alone without him is always fine but until he makes an appearance, it’s like all the life in all of us is drained. Only everyone tries to make an effort with him while I sit back letting him drift from me the way he let me drift with each harsh word he threw in my face throughout those years.

Today I wake up almost lifeless. I don’t know what has suddenly brought this on but I sure as hell don’t like the feeling. I didn’t even feel this dead after the day of Lisa’s accident.

I’ve got less than a month to make the choice of jumping on that plane or not. The thought of choosing makes my headache and my soul need some assurance. Which is why I head straight to the hospital to visit lisa. Maybe talking with her about will help clear my head and decide now. I can’t keep on waiting till the day to make my decision. It’s either I stay or go and I want to make that choice today.

When I arrive outside Lisa’s room nearly everyone is there. Lucas, Mum, Dad, Nate, Liam, Robert and his girlfriend that I was once close with before she turned on me for being angry with him. What a stupid person? And what shocks me most is that Kiara is here.

Kiara has never visited Lisa and this scares me.

“Um hey?” I say as I approach her and Lucas, making it sound more like a question. Nate looks at me for a split second before turning away, talking quietly to my parents while he holds his son in his arms.

“Hey.” Kiara hugs me. Normally she’s all jumpy and happy, it’s her personality. But she sounds and looks just as lifeless as I do.

“Hey babe.” Lucas greets me and pulls me into his side. His grip around my waist tighter than usual. I want to ask what’s going on but I can’t seem to find my voice.

My parents walking past me with Liam catches my eye and Liam looks up with me with broken eyes.

“Baby boy, what’s a matter?” I lean down, making my parents stop as small tears escapes my nephew’s eyes.

“You promised Aunty Amelia.” He sniffles. I give him a questioning look as I notice everyone tense around me.

“What do you mean?”

“You promised you would fight.” He whispers and begins walking away with my parents leaving me confused.

“What is he talking about?” I ask aloud making sure everyone hears me.

“Amelia,” Kiara speaks up.

“Someone fucking talk.” I cuss, my fear and anger getting the best of me. Lucas grabs my hand and I expect myself to pull away but I don’t.

“Mr. Gilson.” The doctor interrupts us. “Your decision?” He asks and Nate nods.

“Decision?” I speak up but like usual everyone ignores me.

“Yes.” Nate answers the Doctor. “Turn it off.”

“What? Turn what off?” I begin to raise my voice and I see Kiara reach out to me but I walk towards Nate before she can grasp me.

“Amelia, I’m sorry.”

“Turn what off?” I ask again. My heart is beating rapidly now and my hands are beginning to shake.

“Mr. Gilson I thought you discussed it all with your family?” The Doctor asks Nate.

“I did…just not her.” He gestures to me while the Doctor looks worried for me.

“Nate you better start bloody talking before I make you.” I threaten. Lucas and Kiara now stand behind me and I see Kiara put her head in her hands.

“I can’t keep doing this to Lisa..” He says softly.

“Doing what? Fucking talk!”

“I’m turning her life support off, Amelia! We’ve made the decision.” He tells me and I nearly collapse to the floor. I hear Kiara hitch a breath and lucas turns away.

“Your what?” I squeak.

“It’s the right thing to do…for Lisa.” He says, reaching out to my hands but I take a step back.

“No it isn’t! She’s fighting Nate! I know she is.” I cry.

“She hasn’t made any improvement at all, it’s pointless.”

“So you’re just going to let her go just like that?” I shout. “That is your wife you asshole, your son’s mother, my sister, my parents’ daughter. How can you do this?”

“We’ve all spoken about it Amelia-“

“Without consulting me!” I add.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t agree.”

“Fuck yea I wouldn’t have and I sure as hell don’t agree now. You are going to kill her.”

“How could you possibly kill someone that is already dead?!” He shouts at me and everyone in the room gasps.

“She isn’t!” I scream. “She is fighting with everything she has in her. I know she is, don’t give up like this.” I beg.

“I’m sorry.” He says before nodding ot the doctor again.

“Don’t you dare go in there.” I tell the doctor and he freezes in his spot.

“Amelia…” Lucas pleads.

“Don’t!” I tell him.

“Doctor, do what you have to do.” Nate says pushing past me.

“Nate, don’t do this…please.” I implore. “Nate, don’t.”

This is all happening way too fast. If he turns her life support off, I’ve lost my sister for good. She is fighting I know she is. I don’t understand how Nate can’t see that she’s still here.

“Amelia, it’s my decision. She’s my wife-“

“And she is my sister.”

Nate looks away from me and focuses on his wife. He shakes his head and whispers a quiet sorry right before the doctor turns it off and the sound of the monitor is no longer heard.

Only the excruciating screams and sobs that escape my mouth.