letters ; 5sos

letters for luke 5.

dear luke,

i didn't even know what happened after i passed out on the stage. all i know was i woke up in a hospital room, asking where you were because i know you won't leave me so i thought you were in the room. my mom told me everything. the disease, me passing out, and you offering your heart to me. literally.

why would you sacrifice such a thing?

giving your heart to me like a christmas present? i'd rather die. at least i could still see you even if i'm not around, i hope.

but you're already gone.

sometimes love could hurt us as much as pain does.

you don't know how much it hurts to know that i'll not see your face everytime i wake up.

everytime i think about your heart beating inside me, i wanted to rip it off my chest so bad and give it back to you. if it wasn't for my disease, both of us would still be alive.

the whole thing was all my fault.

days passed by, days full of constant crying and panic attacks. everytime i would see someone in public with the same tall blonde quiffed hair like yours, i would hyperventilate and cry. i miss you so damn much.

i remember refusing to eat ice cream and going to the park. it would only cause me another panic attack. but i'm doing much better now, i think. it has been a year.

i'm starting to visit your grave.

i'm not getting any panic attacks and i hope i won't get one in the future.

i'm eating ice cream.

i go to the park every now and then.

and i'm already seeing someone. i know you wouldn't mind, his name is michael. don't worry, he's a pretty nice guy. we've been going on dates for a month now. he knows about you. he even went to your grave asking for a permission if he could date me without me knowing.

you're very important to me luke, i hope you know that. if ever you're seeing the things happening to me right now, you must be proud of me because i'm tough now. and i got all through those panic attacks and the pain.

i won't forget about you luke robert hemmings. i love you. to the moon and back, even if the stars and moon collide, to infinity and beyond, i love you. so much.

your one and only flower,
daisy

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im having chest pains can u not