5/5/20
How are you doing, my love. Alexsndr has told me that writing was a good way to, to cope with things. I don't know if I could trust him, you know how he is, a little superstitious, but I think this time, he'll be right. The old man's been doing fine, same Tachanka as always. But, how have been doing, love?
It's been tough for me, but I'm trying very hard. I just wanted to write about things, things we did when you were here. Today is May 5, it's been a month.
I've been recovering, my love, Maxim said I was doing much better. They also miss you, I promised them I would tell you, too. Maxim said that he missed talking to you about his problems. Same old chunky Alexsndr talks about you a lot, and Timur has a lot of paintings that he gave me. They were you, so beautiful. We all miss you, my love.
My love, are the clouds nice? I bet it's always sunny up there, I wish it were here, too. Who do you talk to up there, did you meet your mother yet? I hope you are having an amazing time with your loved ones. I have one question, are you watching over me? Sometimes, I feel like you are there, protecting me. Maybe you are, maybe you're reading this right now.
Remember the day, the day we met. I think it was January 6, five years ago. You were writing, on a bench in the park, in freezing temperatures. I sat down next to you, and I asked you why you were out here, it was so cold. You wore a plaid scarf, that covered your mouth, and a yellow coat, but it was thin. You laughed, and said why I was out here. I remember smiling, it was so foreign for me, but you made me smile.
Or, the day I read your writings. They were intricate, some were short stories others were poems. I loved them all, but my favorite was 'a wish to the sky'. You had given it to me to read, and when I did you always gave me poems. I still have them.
We would meet at the same park every Saturday, make tea cakes, Italian sodas, and sandwiches, and you would read for me. You also gave me this notebook, for me to write. I was too scared to write, I always thought I would make a fool of myself. But you encouraged me to do it, and we started reading each other our stories.
I never told you this, but you're voice was soothing. I've seen many things, and that was the only reason I smile. You were comforting, no, it was more than that. Your smile, so bright and pretty. I wish I told you everything.
I never told you these things. I regret it so much, my love, I am a fool, but that has never changed. I love your smile, eyes, your grit, your talents, I love you.
Margo misses you, a lot. I take her out of the house to go to the park, she loves the other dogs. Today, I was planning to take her out again, I even made her a treat. Margo doesn't know that you won't be coming back, I don't know what to tell her, she just can't understand.
But, the day I will forever keep with me, is the day you said you loved me. It was on a seemingly sunny day, just us two in the park's forest. The clouds came rumbling in, and rain starting to pour. I loved that so much, and then you confessed to me. Everything, I could barely hear you, but those words 'I love you' was enough. You kissed me.
I visited you, today. I looked into the photo of you, and I remember just crying. I gave you the lilac flowers I picked from the park, I hope you love them too. It rained again, and they got muddy, but I know you would still love it, smile and hug me. I miss that.
My love, I am still breathing, because I will choose to live. To fight just one more day, with the memories you gave me, even though sometimes they hurt and make me cry, I will always cherish them. It hurts so much, but I know that you are here, somewhere.
I always wonder when I look at the sunrise in the morning, I can remember all the days you brewed a coffee for me, and we would watch the sunrise together. Or when I look at a book it reminds me of you, and I forget that you are gone. These memories, they give me the drive to live. Thank you, for all that you have done.
So, I will make a wish to the sky. I wish, that one day, I'll see you again. I wish that you won't forget me, I wish for us to hold hands, to go to the same park we always did and read. I wish for the one day I can hear you, talk to you. For us to make the tea cakes, Italian sodas, and sandwiches again, and so I make a wish to the sky. See you soon
