𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐎𝐧 ~ 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐝𝐬𝐨𝐧

"i don't want better, i want you"

artificial paradise
-
vlad holiday

Chase's Pov

"You came." I managed to choke out the words as I saw Cheryl, her eyes no longer having the flame inside them like they used too. She managed to smile which had seemed a bit forced, but I couldn't blame her not one bit. I cheated on her. Yes, she did too but she made things right afterwards. All I had done after she saw me was walk out the room and watch her leave, deciding I wasn't good enough for her.

"Still asking myself if it was a good idea." She replied in a joking manner, snapping me out of my self destructive thoughts. I let a mere smile tug at my lips as she tried to lighten the mood a tad bit. I could sense the eery feeling she had, radiating off of her. All I wanted to do was apologize and hold her, tell her how much I love and had missed her these past two weeks. But I couldn't. She seemed happier with him. With Zach. As much as I didn't want to accept it or believe it, and constantly tried telling myself she was using him as a distraction; A part of me hoped it was true, but another part wanted her to be happy. Truly happy. Even if that was no longer with me.

I watched her as we walked, she seemed so content yet so broken in a sense. She fiddled with her fingers from time to time or played with strands of her hair. We eventually stopped walking, arriving at some sort of clearing that she seemed familiar with. From here, you could see the skyline clearly as it was just a field of grass with trees surrounding it.

"I've missed you." I spoke up, realizing we both would just stay here in silence if I hadn't. Obviously I could've chosen different words, but decided against it. I missed her and I know she missed me even just the slightest; at least I hoped she would. She averted her gaze from the skyline to meet my eyes as if she was silently debating whether I was lying to her or not. It pained me knowing that she could no longer fully trust me.

I could tell she was fighting back the urge to scoff or roll her eyes, like she usually does, but she didn't. She didn't move a blink or say anything else for that matter, "I'm so sorry." I said once she had looked away "I don't expect you to forgive me because honestly I wouldn't if I was you." I paused for a moment, trying to find a reaction but she had none. She stood there, arms crossed as she stared up ahead as if she was waiting for something, but I didn't know what. "If I'm being honest with you," I trailed off as I now sat on the grass knowing this would most likely be a long conversation. At least I hoped it would be as it had felt like forever since, "I don't know why I even asked you to come. I guess I just missed you; the way you look in the moonlight like the first night we met, or you're smile and the way you get those little crease lines each time-"

She cut me off and at this point she was sitting beside me, observing me as I spoke "You broke me Chase. I know what I did must've hurt, but you-" She turned to stare down at the grass and I could already feel the guilt rising at the pit of my stomach "You know I kissed someone else and it took weeks for things to go back to normal. And then you threw it all away as if it were nothing," her breathe hitched and I could tell she was silently crying "As if I was nothing."

Guilt hit me like a truck; I felt the tears threatening to spill and I let them as I tried to think of something, anything to say to make it better. The worst part about it all is that there was no one to blame for her brokenness but me and I resented myself for it.

"I thought you moved on," I shook my head, wiping my cheeks "You and Zach. You two seemed so happy together at the party. He looks at you like-like you're the only person in the room." I whispered as she was now looking back at me.

"Maybe," she mumbled as she tried to look anywhere but into my eyes, "Why did things have to get so fucking complicated? Why couldn't I just stay in New York, why did my mom have to leave me and then you?!" She stomped her feet on the grass in anger as she let out a sob.

I moved closer to her, instinctively wrapping my arms around her protectively and a part of me thought she would instantly shove me off of her, but she didn't. She let it happen. She cried and I hated seeing her in pain especially when I knew I was part of the reason.

"Remember when I met you that night at 2a.m? On the boardwalk?" I asked as I thought back to the night I had met her "That place is my safe haven, I guess. Was this yours?" She nodded slowly, choking on her own breathe before she pulled away slowly as I reluctantly let her out my grasp.

"Surprisingly enough, in a city with as much people as there are here, there's hardly ever people here-especially at night. And the view's amazing, so I guess that's a plus." She wiped away her tears with her sleeve as she stared up at the skyscrapers as if she was longing for something, someone.

"Do you miss her?" I asked Cheryl, although I already knew what the answer was going to be.

"Every day. She hated New York, but loved taking pictures of every part of the city," she chuckled a bit. We never spoke much about her late mother as I always avoiding bringing it up, thinking the memories would pain her to speak about, but she seemed happy bringing up the memories of her. "I kind of hate the city now too for taking her away from me. But it's more my fault if anything; if I had never made her get in that stupid fucking car-"

I cut her off quickly. I didn't know much about her mother's death, but I knew it definitely wasn't Cheryl's fault. "Cheryl, don't. It wasn't your fault, please don't blame yourself." I tried reaching my arm out to grab her hand without even realizing I was doing so as if it was muscle memory but she was quick to swat my arm away.

"No, Chase. Stop trying to comfort me," her tone immediately changed from dismal to irritated and slightly angered "You don't get to waltz back in to my life like you didn't hurt me. God, Chase, I still wonder where I went wrong. What the hell I ever did to make you even think of cheating on me on the first place- If you stopped loving me why didn't you say so? Were you just using me for your own person gain? Because it's not fucking fair! I've tried reaching out to you so many goddamn times and you basically ignore me and now when it's you that wants to talk I'm supposed to oblige? I can't Chase. I can't fucking do this anymore, I can't keep wondering why everyone leaves. Why wasn't I good enough to chase after? Or at least get a proper break up rather than telling Benjamin at my doorstep?" She choked on her own tears as she looked at me waiting for an answer that we both knew I didn't have.

"I never deserved you, Cheryl. You're perfect and I'm just me." I sighed in defeat, knowing there was nothing I could say to fix this "You deserve better."

"God damnit Chase, I don't want better I want you!" She said without giving herself a second to even recollect her thoughts, looking both surprised and horrified at the words that just spilled from her lips so carelessly.

A smile tugged at my lips, but fell quickly once I looked into her eyes. She seemed gone. Like the only thing she was still holding on to was fading from her grasp, disappearing into thin air and I knew that I had that same look in my eyes. Because the only thing she was holding onto was me, and I her, but we could both feel the other slipping from our reach.

"I am going to make things better. I swear it." I whispered to her as a look of doubt suddenly glazed over her brown orbs, but was soon changed to hope.

If only you knew the reason I did it, Cher. Maybe then you wouldn't hate me so much; or at least I wouldn't be the only person you hate right now. I thought, as I remembered the events that took place hours before the party on the night that changed everything.

Next update at 10 votes

a/n

This one was a lil different. Hope u enjoyed it tho I kinda liked writing in a different persons pov.
Til next time, xx

Word Count: 1574

-not edited-