It's amazing how much I can't shut up when I really get going on personal stuff. It's ridiculous.
But yeah. Read both those last entries to her, and will this one also. I legitimately feel like crap. Changing the subject really never helps. Sadly.
I seriously hate myself for all of it. I was stupid. I can't believe how I treated her. I was terrible to her. She deserved better. We never did anything, we hardly ever actually talked, and I constantly didn't stand by what I said. Though it never seemed like it, I seriously meant everything I ever said, especially the end of the end.
None of it matters now, I can never regain trust, I'm not worth her trouble. I just wish I could go back and keep myself from doing all of that stupid nonsense. That and that she could really, truly see what she means to me. No words can decribe it. But now she only allots me as a good friend, and I'm afraid it'll never come back. That's the only thing I truly fear.
Think that's enough for now. Venting is sort of healthy I guess.
-JNF3
