Friday Night Dinner

Cramps and Bathrooms

"Hiya Jackie." I said, half-heartedly.

"Aww, dear. You didn't have to come tonight you know?" Jackie said.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." I muttered in response. It was my time of the month, and felt as ill as anything. I always do. I feel like I'm going to pass out every time I get cramps.

"Jonathan, you shouldn't of brought her. You know how bad periods can be for women." Jackie said.

"I tried to, but she just insisted on coming. Do you want to sit down? You look pale." Jonny asked me.

"I'm fine, can I just warm up my hot water bottle, Jackie? It will take like a couple of minutes." I asked.

"Of course you can. Warm it up as much as you want to, darling." Jackie lead me into the kitchen.

"Also, Jackie, I don't want to be rude, but can I have a little less than I usually do tonight? I don't think I can eat anything except chocolate." I said.

"That's fine, Esme. Just let me know if you need anything else." I walked over to the microwave and put the water bottle in. Martin walked in topless, and stared in the microwave.

"What the bloody hell is in there? Is that an animal?" Martin asked.

"It's a hot water bottle, Martin." I explained. He looked at me like I was an alien, and finally realised.

"Oh right." He ran off. I chuckled and got my water bottle out. The door opened and Adam came through.

"Is that an animal?" He almost yelled.

"For crying out loud, it's a bloody- sorry. I'm just a bit agitated. It's a hot water bottle." I explained once again.

"Oh, because it's your- the monthly- blood." Adam stuttered out. I laughed.

"Yes, the monthly blood." I nodded. I walked into the living room and sat down, holding the water bottle to my stomach. "Ahh, that's better." I sighed in relief as the cramps eased a little.

"I don't see the fuss about- you know, girl time." Martin said as he walked into the room.

"Martin, every month we lose 5 tablespoons of blood. There are 12 months in a year. That's 60 tablespoons of blood gone every year. If you want to work out how much we lose in our lifetime, go ahead." I said, all whilst closing my eyes and relaxing in the chair.

"Oh, right then." Martin left, again.

"Seriously? You lose that much blood?" Jonny asked me.

"Google it if you don't believe it." I told them.

"Dinner!" Jackie yelled.

*** dinner ***

"Esme, you okay?" Jackie asked me as she watched me struggle to eat my food.

"Fine, it really is delicious, you know." I tried to explain.

"It's fine, Esme. I'm a woman too. I understand." She smiled.

"So, Adam, any females?" Martin asked.

"Oh, for the last time, no!" Adam yelled.

"Alright, I was just asking. Jonny, any grandkids?" Martin asked him.

"Well, I'm just going off on a whim here, but I'm guessing no?" Jonny looked at me as we both laughed.

"What's so funny?" Martin said, offended.

"Martin you do know that a period usually means no kids." Jackie explained.

"Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry. Any news on the wedding?" Martin changed the subject.

"I bought my dress, sorted some flowers and bridesmaid dresses out, flowers and decorations and a cake but that's about it." I said.

"Exciting!!" Jackie sang. The doorbell rang, and we all looked at each other.

"I'll go." I grabbed my hot water bottle and walked to the door. "Hi, Jim." I sighed.

"Why are you holding an animal, Elissa?" Jim asked me.

"Esme, and it's not an animal. It's a hot water bottle." I explained, hopefully for the last time.

"Well, I was just hoping to see Jackie." Jim said.

"She's busy, so if you could come back in a bit, that would be great." I smiled.

"Alright, Jim?" Jonny said from behind me.

"Yes, Adam, thank you." Jim smiled.

"Bye, Jim." I shut the door. I grabbed Jonny's wrist and pulled him into the toilet.

"What the bloody hell- why are we in the toilet?" Jonny asked me.

"I don't feel well at all, but I can't leave everyone. So, maybe, I should just go take a nap in your old bed or the car." I suggested.

"Are you sure you're okay? I mean like, this seems a lot worse than others." Jonny said.

"What are you two up to?" Adam said as he walked in.

"What are you up to?" I asked him.

"Peeing. Well, obviously not anymore. I'll go upstairs-" He turned around as Jackie and Martin walked in and shut the door behind them.

"Why are you all in the toilet?" Jackie asked.

"Can we have this conversation outside the toilet? I get really claustrophobic." I held the hot water bottle to my stomach even tighter as the cramps got worse.

"Yeah. Come on, everyone out." Jonny said. He walked to the door, and pulled the handle.

"Go on then, Jonny, open it." Martin complained.

"Uh, it won't open. I think we're locked in." Jonny looked around.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." I started stressing. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing. I winced in pain as the cramps got increasingly more painful.

"Esme, are you okay?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, yeah, fine." I tried to say. This wasn't cramps. These were way worse. Jonny walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"These aren't cramps. They're way worse." I groaned in pain. "Has anyone got their phone on them?" I looked at everyone. "No one has their phone on them?" I got irritated.

"Wait, yes, I have!" Jackie pulled out her phone, and started texting someone. "Okay, Grandma is coming. She'll be here in about ten minutes." Jackie said.

"Shouldn't we call an ambulance?" Jonny said.

"No, don't worry! I don't need an ambulance!" I said, and conveniently winced at the pain again.

"Hello, hi. Uh, my daughter-in-law is in really bad pain. Yeah. Stomach. Okay. They're like period cramps but way worse. Okay, but uh, we're stuck in the bathroom. We're all locked in. My mother might be able to get us out, but she'll be here in around six to seven minutes." Jackie explained.

"What's happening now?" Jonny asked.