Surrounding Stories (Collection)

Guilty Within

He ran into his house, flustered, with adrenaline pumping through his veins. Pushing through the door of his room, he went into the washroom and locked the door, finally exhaling. He didn’t realize he had been holding his breath inside since then. Looking down at his hands, he shook his head as if the act would erase all thoughts.
He dusted his hands off and washed them with tap water. As the dirt flew down the drain, he wondered if his sins would too. The sink darkened with all the mud he desperately tried to get off his conscience, overwhelming his sanity with memories he could only hope to get rid of.

As he turned off the tap, a memory flashed through his mind and he started trembling. He leaned against the door, falling to the floor and wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to hide himself from his own inner demons. But they were within, how could he hide from them externally?

The lines on his hand were engraved with his actions, there was no way he could live with a burden as huge as this. His own brother’s smile flashed through his mind as he realized it was his last; the gunshot, the crumpled mess, the fire, the ashes, his own blood washing away with the waves of the river as he just stood by and watched. He couldn’t stop them. He couldn’t save his big brother, his shield, from becoming a prey of his wretched gang of betrayers.

He cried as he sat on the cold tiles, the flames dancing in front of his eyes as he condemned himself and all the decisions he ever made. All he wanted to do was to prove to the world, to make a name for himself. But now he had to live with the guilt of murdering his own blood and burning him to ashes to hide his own sins.

The superficial darkness had washed away from his hands but the underlying scars were forever to remain. It was his fault which led his brother to the field. He should have been discreet enough like he had been the past five years. Maybe then he would have been alive.

No matter how much he had wanted his brother to go away, to be left alive but the mafia was more determined to keep itself in the shadows than any desire in his own heart. They couldn’t let an eye witness roam around free in the world so they did what they do best. They wiped him off the face of the Earth while he stood on the side watching.

His eyes burned as he realized the tears dried off. And he saw the last tear fall down from his brother’s left eye as he fell to the floor, hand over his chest full of blood. A guy carried a bottle of kerosene and dumped it all on him, another discarding a burnt cigarette in the direction, lighting a massive fire with his brother’s body as bait. All this happened as he stood agape, watching.

As the flames reached the sky, they all left. No one waited to pay their respects to the departing soul. Why would they anyway? They were the ones who caused this. But he waited. He stood there the whole time, waiting for the flames to wipe out all signs of existence of any goodness that remained.

After the fire dispersed, he moved to gather the remains of his brother and carried it to the rushing river where they had spent most of their childhood evening throwing rocks to see which went furthest. The warm ashes burned his hands while he let them flow, sending his brother to his final destination. And that was the final moment as his brother waved goodbye and he felt all sanity leave with him.

That moment and now. he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t stand the thought of why he didn’t jump in the river behind his brother, why he didn’t jump in the fire of his brother. He couldn’t understand why he stood quiet, agape as his brother breathed his last. His brother kept looking at him, his only family who he could rely on then while he didn’t even move a muscle.

He got up and turned on the water in the bath tub. Then, he took out some pain killers from the cabinet and swallowed a handful. Unlocking the door, he took off his shoes and lay in the water. It covered his face as he reminisced how he and his brother used to dunk and see who could hold his breath the longest. After a few seconds, he breathed out and splashed water everywhere, remembering how he failed yet again like every time he did with his brother.

His white shower foam reminded him of the paper boats his brother made just to get him to take a bath when he was a little boy and threw a tantrum on the most minor of things. His brother was a hero who helped him walk the walks of life. His brother was his light and it was the society that made him hate his light. The society drew him away from his illumination and eventually led him to extinguish any glow with his own bare hands.

More tears welled up as he lay down once again, stars dancing in front of his eyes playing a lullaby to calm him to sleep. Water crowded his face as he felt himself be pulled to divine bliss, the only remedy to be able to pull him out of this pothole. Waves of water crashed his ears as he heard his brother’s laughs on the silliest of pranks he’d pull after learning from school. As his eyelids drooped low, the last thing he saw was his brother’s shadow, shaking his head upon the pile of disappointment he had become, doing the only thing he had followed in his life; to give up.

Published: 05.05.2020

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Quarantine activities. Finally doing something productive. Submitting short stories in various medical college writing competitions.

What about you folks?