The Spark Theory

Shocking Confessions.

If I knew then, what I know now

I'd fall in love.

'Cause love only comes

Once in a while

And knocks on your door

And throws you a smile

And takes every breath

Leaves every scar

Speaks through your soul

And sings to your heart.

If I knew then, what I know now

I'd fall in love.

~If I Knew Then by Lady Antebellum.

"It's just me Bianca." I heard a smooth, familiar voice in my ears. I swiftly turned around to face him.

"Devon, you freaking scared me." I glared at him, placing a had on my chest to calm down my drumming heart.

"Really?" He asked, raising his eyebrow at me.

"Yep!" I smirked.

Devon gazed at me intently. His expression slowly changed from a playful, summery one to a serious, cloudy look.

"So you had planned a surprise dinner for him tonight?" He kept a straight, expressionless face but his voice was cold and accusing. I felt chills down my spine.

"I-I uh-I had th-thought bu-but it got can-cancelled." I stammered.

Why the fuck was I guilty about organizing a dinner for my own fiance? Shit! This guy is making me go crazy.

I was about to tell him to mind his own business but he cut me off harshly.

"Stop! Just stop! Stop playing games with me! Did last night mean nothing to you?" He asked with so much pain and anguish, that I was startled.

"Last night?" I asked dumbly.

" Yes Bianca. I am talking about last fucking night!  I had shared my deepest secrets with you. You were there, wiping my tears and comforting me. For the first time in my entire life I had disclosed all my vulnerabilities to a person. Do you know how that feels?  How it feels to be emotionally naked and to yearn for someone's acceptance? How it feels to be accepted just once and then be rejected in your face again? Do you know?" Devon shook me, hard.

I was too stunned to react at that moment. I was not even able to comprehend the reason for his sudden outburst. What had I done to invoke such reactions from him? What 'games' was I exactly playing? I didn't know how to react, so I just stared at him. Regardless, Devon continued. 

 "I knew then and I know now that it was all a fucking mirage. A mere teaser of something that I could never have.  I was desperately hoping that maybe, just maybe someone could see the real me and accept me. Last night when we kissed I felt hope. A hope so faint that I was afraid that it will be extinguished. And how true my fears are! You cut it off even before it could grow!"

"What did I do?" I uttered, my voice was barely a whisper.

"What did you do? You seriously want to ask me that?" Devon asked incredulously, looking at me as if I was the dumbest blonde in the entire country. I simply nodded.

"Fine. I'll answer you but first answer some of my questions. What are we? What is exactly our relationship? And dare you say friends. Friends don't kiss each other with such passion. So tell me. What is this going on between us? What are your feelings, exactly? Do you dislike me, like me or love me? And why are you getting married to someone whom you don't love?"