I'LL SMILE AGAIN

CHAPTER 10

I wake up the next morning with a terrible headache, I wonder how people keep getting drunk if the morning after is not so nice to them, ouch I say  closing my eyes right back after I open them. I don't see Greg next to me but the space on the bed is still warm, meaning he got out of the bed not quite long. If it has been before I would have been happy and rolled over to his side of the bed, in a way I'm kind of bonding more with him with that action, but now I just rub my hands on his space, savoring that camwood scent and sighing resignedly, what will be will be I thought. Memories of the game last night came rushing back and I feel my face suddenly grown hot I'm not even on the pills anymore I remember suddenly sitting up oh God! What am I supposed to do I thought desperately. I run to the bathroom and glancing at my reflection in the mirror I looked kind of flushed but refreshed, I've not slept so peacefully like this in a while.

After brushing my hair and washing my mouth with Greg's mouth wash I went to look for him and I found him in the kitchen making coffee. "I don't mind a cup" I say sitting on the stool at the kitchen's table, "Sure I got you" replied " but first I think you need this more" he continued handing me a glass of water and two aspirin "thanks" I murmur using the drugs and surprisingly feeling better. He makes some toast and bacon then serves me with a cup of coffee and I dip into the food hungrily not even looking at him as he serves some for himself and take a sit next to me.

After we ate and we both cleaned the kitchen we both sit down lost in our thoughts as we sip our coffee. He breaks the silent "Bella what happened yesterday I'm sorry it looks like I took advantage that you were drunk".
"Really?"
"Sorry?" I scoffed.
Then unexpectedly I tell him I know it's not another girl but what exactly is it "it's a guy actually" he says looking down.
"W-w-what did I hear you say?" I asked.
"I said it's a Guy" he repeated, the mug I was holding fell off my hand and crashed on the floor, I was dazed and glued to a spot for I don't know how long, the pain is sharper this time I don't know what to do, I want to feel something else but I don't know how I feel only the pain like an old wound reopening I felt nauseated and I rushed to the bathroom to throw up. I stay in the bathroom for as long as I can I can't being myself to face him now, how could he is he gay or bisexual and still in all of that pain in can't bring myself to hate him and i keep beating myself how could I not have noticed something isn't right in my desperation to be loved, wanted and desire I ignored all the signs and the tears finally came I put on the faucet and sobbed loud I was shaken...

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GREG'S POV

I've hurt her I know and I stand by the door of the bathroom begging her to come out, I heard her so and I didn't know I myself was crying until I heard myself choking on my words. I should have just sent her away from the door last night I messed up so bad I don't want to hurt her but it seems I've managed to do what I didn't want to do. She opened the door after like forever after cleaning up and  gave me the coldest look I've seen her give, she hates me now I thought I love her so much and I don't know what is wrong with me, I can't just seems to sort out my feelings.
"Bella at least let me explain I-I-"? "I don't want to hear anything from your filthy mouth" she cut me off. "I begged you I told you to tell me whatever it is, you cut me off just like that, leaving me wondering and asking questions for months, for 5months Greg!" She's shouting and weeping now. I was so hurt and broken at that moment and I kept on begging her to hear me out she looked at me and walked away slamming the door behind her. I don't blame her I hurt her yes she hates me now I screwed her life she should hate me for it I'm a bastard, I end up pushing people away it's just me I think I've a problem even my parents don't want me now I pushed away the only person that ever loved me yes she loved ne without conditions she had looked past all of my flaws and make me want to do better now she hates, I deserve it I really do. I got up and went to the cabinet taking the Hennessy remaining from last night and drinking straight from the bottle and my mind wandered back to that night that screwed my life on that faculty trip almost 7 months ago.

FLASH BACK

It's the 4th day of this trip and I miss Bella so much I've never been away from her this long since I've known her, we were divided into groups of two and my partner is a very hot stylish boy and oddly I'm attracted to him, I find it rather crazy I felt like I felt when I first lay my eyes on Bella and unfortunately for us we were pared together and had to stay in the same room on the 5th night we had a group project and we won while we decided to celebrate in our room one thing led to another he came over to where I sat and kissed me. It was crazy kissing a guy like me and the alarming part of it was that I enjoyed the kiss and kissed him back. I couldn't look him in the face anymore and for the remaining days of the trip I couldn't raise my head up. I'm bisexual  and alarm was constantly ringing in my head oh God what's this I can't even bring myself to face Bella I was ashamed and dissapointed in myself I cheated on her with a boy...

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PRESENT DAY
I've been drinking and crying I've bottles of Hennessy scattered around me I love Bella she completes me I love Ethan too I don't know what to do I'm such a mess I repeat till I passed out on the floor...