The Children of Spring

Joan IV - Sorrow

Going to Pyke and rescuing her aunt and uncle was more exciting than Joan would have thought. It was like an adventure, even though their enemy was an idiot. Joan did not know who Euron Greyjoy had been, still she was sure that whomever the man had been, he had not been a good man or an inteligent man and everyone hated him. She had joined one more question to her list, she wondered how big the others lists were. Joan knew that by the end of the war, the adults would have to tell them everything.
Joan wanted to know where her sister, her brother and her cousins were. If they could reach Rhaella yet or not, if they were already coming home. She had a bad feeling about their journey, it might be stupid but she did. Joan wanted them to come home as soon as possible, because once she and Eddard, her aunt and uncle arrived at the Capital, they would go to the Wolfswood camp, to help them. Things were harsh there, and at Winterfell they were trapped inside. Joan wanted everything to be over, she wanted her mother and father back at home, as well as her brother and sister. She missed them more than anything. It might had been only a few months still it seemed like an eternity. Other thing that did not help was that almost every nameday any of them had, they were always together, and that year they were all apart, Jenny had already turned 18 four days ago, and her brother was going to turn 18 in two days. By then she would already be in Tarth. He wanted to sail from Tarth to the Rock, Joan thought. She knew that her brother had been planing that for a very long time, and by then he could not do it. Next year, for sure, Joan thought. She missed Catelyn as well, she wondered how she was, if she had already told James she liked him or not. She missed everyone. She missed Thomas, he was her best friend and she needed to talk to him about her crush on Jorah, because she knew that Catelyn would start to tease and all of that and she did not want that. And... She missed Jorah. She wanted to talk to him, maybe clear things out. We'll have to wait a bit longer for that, Joan thought.
Joan liked to be able to help at the battle of Riverrun, however she could not. Still, she knew that Jeyne, Marianne and Lyanna were going to win. They had to. Besides, they were pretty strong. The Freys and Arryns don't know in what they're getting themselves into, Joan thought. Joan knew that while Catelyn, Jenny, Mia and Lyanna fought in the battlefield better than any of them, she, Marianne, Jeyne and Rhaella fought with the policts better than any of them. One thing every one of them knew for sure, their mothers were the women who survived the Long Night and all of the wars back in the day, which meant that they were the women who were going to survive that war. Women must stand together or the world would have ended up a long time ago. We can't let them win, girls, can we?, Joan thought smiling inside. She had heard her mother and her aunt Joanna saying it once and the words had stayed in her mind eversince. She still remembered that day, it had been in one of the meetings, 5 years ago on Tarth, the Targaryens and Baratheons had not arrived yet, Joan had been 10 at the time. One thing that every one of them liked to do was hearing the adults telling stories, by then they realized that the stories were widely incomplete, still at the time, it was amazing. Therefore, that day Catelyn had asked,
"Can you tell us a story?" The adults had looked at each other, by then Joan knew that probably they had ran out stories that they could tell them, then her mother had asked,
"What do you want to hear this time?"
"You all were almost everywhere in Westeros, right?" Thomas had asked.
"Almost everywhere, yes." Her aunt Joanna had answered.
"Can we tell you a place and you tell us a story?" Joan had asked.
"Sure." Her father had said.
"Great. So... uh, what about Riverrun, or the Wall." James had said.
"Let's go with Riverrun." Her uncle Pod had said.
"Why not the Wall?" Her aunt Sansa had asked.
"Don't you start." Her aunt Joanna and uncle Pod had said looking at her and the adults chuckled. I wonder what were they talking about, Joan thought by then.
"Anyway, what are you going to tell them? I was never in Riverrun, I think." Her uncle Tyrion had said.
"Me, Joanna and Pod went to Riverrun after we left the Wall." Her mother had said.
"Yes, because of the Blackfish. I went to Bear Island, with Jon." Her aunt Sansa had said.
"Why weren't you all together?" Galladon had asked.
"Well, we had a plan back at the time and we had to go different ways to keep it." Her mother had answered.
"Besides, it had to be done. It was important that we got to the Blackfish." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"Anyway, we were on the road and it was much quieter than the usual, we had discovered about the Walkers and all of that, we had a lot to think about, among other things." Her mother had said.
"And me and him had huge headaches, you know." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"And who's fault was that?" Her aunt Sansa had said and they had laughed a bit.
"Continue with the story." Her uncle Pod had said.
"It's a long way from the Wall to Riverrun. So we stopped and we made camp." Her mother had said.
"I remember that. I stayed almost an hour trying to make a fire, because of the cold, among other things. Which I'm pretty sure, it was what you two were talking about." Her uncle Pod had said.
"We didn't talk about it for long." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"About what?" Jeyne had asked.
"Things that your aunt and uncle can't talk about right now." Her uncle Tyrion had said.
"Really? Are you sure you want go that way?" Her aunt Joanna had asked.
"It's not our fault that you two did crazy stuff." Her mother had said and they had laughed.
"Wait, what do you mean 'crazy stuff'?" James had asked.
"It might seem a little weird, but your parents were allowed to do crazy stuff when they were younger, alright?" Her aunt Joanna had said.
"I just can't imagine it." James had said and Joan had to contain herself not to laugh.
"Good." Her uncle Pod had said.
"Although, when they are older you two can tell them what you did." Her father had said.
"We don't even know what we did." Her aunt Joanna and uncle Pod had said.
"How do you not know?" Jenny had asked confused.
"It's complicated." Her uncle Pod had said.
"Anyway, me and Joanna were talking about the Walkers and the battles and then we started to talk about, let's say, the future." Her mother had said.
"We did and that was when you said that after all of that we might have a happy ending. And you were right." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"Guess I was. We realized that we're not very different and that we wanted the same things." Her mother had said.
"You said that women must stand together or the world would have ended up a long time ago." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"And she was right." Her aunt Sansa had said. Joan remembered that she had smiled at that.
"Then Joanna said that we couldn't let them win." Her mother had said.
"Pod, please, tell me that you said something that could clarify that." Her uncle Tyrion had said and they all had laughed.
"I did say that they could let us win just one time, they said 'Not a chance' and then Joanna said..." Her uncle Pod had said, looking at her aunt.
"I asked if he had forgotten that he was traveling with two women." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"I said that I didn't. We've been traveling together for what? 2 years at that point?" Her uncle Pod had said.
"More or less." Her mother had said.
"Why so long?" Gerion had asked.
"We had to make a few stops in the way. Some took a long time." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"Few days later, we were at Riverrun. And that's where we met Jaime." Her mother had said.
"And Bronn too." Her aunt Joanna had added.
"I wasn't expecting to see you there, but I was really glad I did, because I was very worried. There were no news about you." Her father had said.
"You should have known we were capable of taking care of ourselves." Her aunt Joanna had said.
"She's right. We did everything we could to get to the Blackfish, but he had other plans. So we had to go back to Winterfell. And that was another journey." Her mother had said.
"This time you were all together?" Marianne had asked.
"No, we still had some problems to solve before that could happen." Her father had said.
"So now you can tell us a story about the Wall?" Rickon had asked.
"What about Harrenhal?" Her aunt Joanna had asked and her parents had looked at her immediately. Now I know why, Joan thought by then.
"Or KingsLanding?" Her uncle Pod had said.
"Alright, you prooved your point." Her uncle Tyrion had said and everyone had laughed.
"Payback." Her aunt and uncle had said. That was a good night, we laughed a lot back then, Joan thought, she missed that times.
At the current time, Joan was finally arriving at Tarth. It felt good to be back home, still she wished that her sister and her brother were there with her. As they were arriving, Joan saw that the ship that had been being built for her brother was already built. He would have sailled with it by now and me and Cat would have gone with him, in the first times, Joan thought. Her brother had promised that once the ship was built, he would have taken them to sail sometime. Maybe one day, Joan thought.
They arrived at the port and everyone was leaving the ship. Eddard had noticed that Joan was a little sad, therefore he asked,
"Is everything alright, Jo?"
"It is. It's just that today is Gal's nameday and, well, we're all apart." Joan had said and, almost all of sudden, Eddard started to have a greendream. Her aunt and uncle helped him right away, Joan got a little worried still she knew that everything was under control.
Short moments after, Eddard was back and Arya immediately asked,
"Sweety, are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah." Eddard said regaining his breath.
"You sure?" Gendry asked.
"Yeah. I'm sure." Eddard said and then he looked at Joan with a strange look.
"What is it? What did you see?" Joan asked worried.
"I...I talk with Rhaella. I don't know how." Eddard said.
"Where are they?" Arya asked.
"They're coming home, but..." Eddard said and looked at Joan before saying the rest.
"What is it, Ned?" Joan asked very worried.
"I'm so sorry, Jo... Gal is dead." Eddard said. Joan was in shock, however it was too painful to be real. It was easier if it was not, so that was how Joan would treat it, until and if she saw her brother's dead body.
"How?" Joan said. My brother's dead..., Joan thought. The thought of it made her want to cry and to scream, although what good would that do?
"He died protecting Rhaella." Eddard said sadly and softly.
"We have to go to KingsLanding." Joan said and continued her way to Evenfall Hall. Eddard looked at his parents and asked them,
"Is she alright? What we will do from now on?"
"She will be. And we'll figure it out." His father said and Eddard nodded and followed her. However, Gendry and Arya stayed behind.
"Do you think he's really dead?" Gendry asked.
"Unfortunately, I do." Arya answered.
"He didn't deserve that. It should never have been them to go there in the first place. It should have been some of us." Gendry said.
"I know, they're just kids. This time it was supposed to be different, they were not suppose to be in this mess. When they hear about it in the camp and Winterfell, it'll be bad." Arya said.
"It will. Jo is not dealing well with this, is she?" Gendry asked.
"She needs time, I think." Arya said. She knew how Joan was and that she had her father's temper, she was just postponing the inevitable. Still, they headed to Evenfall.
Meanwhile, on the way to the castle, Eddard asked Joan, concerned,
"Jo, are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Joan said a bit codly. The only thing she wanted to think about was getting ready to prepare the ships and go to KingsLanding as soon as possible to help her relatives.
"You don't seem fine. Jo, your brother just died and you're totally ignoring it. Even I am not fine. Gal was my friend, he was my cousin-" Eddard was saying.
"And now he's dead. There's nothing we can do about it. We have to get to KingsLanding." Joan said seriously intrupting him.
"You have to tell your gandfather." Eddard said and Joan stopped walking for a moment.
"I will. Later." She said and kept walking.
"Jo, I'm here. If you want to talk, I'm here." Eddard said.
"I know. Thank you, Ned." Joan said and at last they arrived at the castle.
They entered, his parents finally caught up with them.
Joan went straight to find the mestre-at-arms and told him to prepare the ships to leave, still he told her that they could only do that after somedays and Joan had to contain herself and accept it. After that Joan went finally to talk with her grandfather.
Meanwhile, Eddard, Gendry and Arya, went to talk with Bran.
"You arrived. Finally. Are you all alright?" Bran asked.
"We are. They came in the right time." Arya said.
"But we have bad news." Gendry said.
"What is it?" Bran asked concerned.
"I talked with Rhaella, somehow. And... she told me that Gal was dead. He died protecting her. They're all coming home." Eddard explaining.
"Oh... you sure?" Bran asked seriously.
"I'm sure." Eddard said sadly.
"Bran, do you think you can see them? How they are and all of that?" Arya asked.
"I can try." Bran said and then his eyes went white. He saw a woman riding a dragon and burning a house, although he did not know who she was. Then he was back.
"What did you see?" Gendry asked.
"Well, I saw someone, who I'm not sure if it was Rhaella or Dany, riding a dragon and she was burning a house, which I assume it was the House of the Undying." Bran said.
"They're coming home at least." Eddard said.
"They are and they'll be here sooner or later." Arya said.
Meanwhile, Joan went to see her grandfather. She knew that maybe giving how she was reacting right then, it was not the brightest idea, still she had to tell him. It was what was fair. She entered the room and her grandfather went to her and gave her a hug. She hugged him back.
"I'm so glad you're back. Are you unharmed?" Her grandfather asked.
"I'm glad to be back. I am unharmed, don't worry, grandfather." Joan said. It's not me you have to worry about, Joan thought.
"What is it?" Selwyn asked seeing her face. She was with a serious look and he could feel that she was holding back something.
"I have to tell you something. You better sit." Joan said and her grandfather did as she said. She sat next to him.
"So what is it?" Selwyn asked.
"Ned somehow talked with Rhaella. They're coming home... but...there was a fight and Gal died protecting her." Joan said as emotionless as she could. It still hurt more than ever.
"Gal's dead...?" Her grandfather said not wanting to believe it. No... not him, Selwyn thought sadly.
"Yes." Joan said.
"And Cat?" Her grandfather asked.
"I don't know." Joan said.
"Jo, dear, are you alright?" Her grandfather asked.
"I'm fine. But we need to go to KingsLanding. That's what we have to do." Joan said and at that moment there was a knock on the door of the hall.
"Come in." Joan said. Her grandfather knew what she was doing and he did not like it for it would be even more hard to deal with what was happening. Arya and Gendry entered the room, Eddard had stayed with Bran talking about the greendreams.
"We've heard what happened. We wanted to see how you are. And to thank you for recieving us here." Arya said.
"It's no trouble at all, you're family." Selwyn said.
"Well, I will let you talking. I have to go prepare somethings." Joan said and left the room.
"Selwyn, how are you?" Gendry asked.
"I can't believe it..." Selwyn said.
"Neither can we. He deserved more than that. They'll bring him home, I know they will." Arya said.
"He's 18 and he didn't even get to live his life." Selwyn said almost crying.
"We know... We're here for everything." Gendry said.
"Thank you so much. I'm worried about Cat and Jo. And... their parents." Selwyn said.
"I think the news did not get to the camp or to Winterfell, yet. Still, they will have to, soon." Gendry said.
"As of Cat, she has all of them, she has Jenny, Mia, Jorah, James and Thomas and even Rhaella. They'll help her. And Jo, I'll talk to her." Arya said.
"Thank you... I hope she'll listen to you." Selwyn said.
"She will." Arya said.
After sometime, Joan found herself at the roof on top of Evenfall Hall. She did not know why, she just felt that she should be there. She could see the port from there. She could see the ship that was supposed to be her brother's. Then she heard,
"Hey, Jo." I don't want to talk about it, Joan thought.
"Hey, aunt." Joan said.
"Where are you looking at?" Her aunt asked.
"That ship. It was supposed to be Gal's." Joan answered.
"I see. How are you?" Arya asked.
"I'm fine." Joan said. I'm tired of saying that, Joan thought.
"You sure?" Arya asked.
"I am." Joan said. Maybe, Joan thought.
"Joan. I know you're not fine. Your brother just died, you can't be fine. I know it's easier to pretend that you are not affected by it, but it's harder. I've seen your father reacting the same way and even I did that once." Arya said softly.
"What if I am doing that? It's too painful the other way." Joan said.
"It's painful either ways. I lost two brothers, Jo. I know how it is." Arya said looking at her.
"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do. Because it hurts and I can't bear the thought that I'm not going to see him again." Joan said.
"I understand. I wasn't there when my brother Rickon died, Jon and Sansa were, still it was hard. With my brother Robb it was different. I was on the run with Clegane, he needed money, so he was going to sell me to my mother and Robb at the Twins. There was going to be a wedding. Edmure Tully was going to marry one of the Walder Frey's daughters. Only the wedding was a trap for Robb, so the Freys killed him, my mother, and Robb's wife along with his unborn child as well as every Stark they could find. They killed his direwolf too. When it all started I wanted to go help them, but Clegane stopped me. He was trying to protect me. I never saw my mother's corpse, but I did see my brother's. We were leaving, but when I looked up, I saw what they did to him. They cut off his head and the head of his direwolf, and they sew the head of the direwolf to his body and vice-versa. It was known as the Red Wedding. The next days and years, I convinced myself that it did not hurt and I planned my revenge. It's not easier, you're just posponing it." Arya explained.
"I'm so sorry about your brothers. That's awful. I guess you're right. I have to face it." Joan said.
"You do. Let it all out." Arya said and at that moment Joan felt tears coming to her eyes.
"My brother is dead... I'm never going to see him again..." Joan said and by then she was crying. This can't be true..., Joan thought. Her aunt went to her and gave her a hug. She hugged her aunt and let it all out.
"It's going to be alright. They'll bring him home." Arya said. After the wave of sadness decreased a bit, Joan said,
"Thank you so much, aunt."
"It's alright, I'm here for everything." Arya said.
"So did you get to have your revenge of the Freys?" Joan asked.
"I did, that's why they are in an open rebellion now. I had a list of people I was going to kill, I actually killed some, the others died too anyway. I spent years training with the Faceless men, at the House of Black and White. At the end, I decided to leave. I could already change my face and I knew a lot. I went back to Westeros. At the Twins, I killed Walder Frey's sons and baked them into a pie, in my defense I heard a lot of creepy stories while I was growing up. Then I served him the pies, when he realized it, I killed him. I told him that the last thing he would see was a Stark smiling down at him as he died. I took his face, invited almost all of the Freys for a feast and poisoned them. I left one girl alive. Revenge is good, but it won't bring back the ones you lost." Arya explained. What the actual-... Wow, I wasn't waiting for that one, Joan thought.
"Wow... I wasn't waiting for that... I'm sorry, but I'm actually a bit scared right now..." Joan said with a little chuckle.
"That's why we don't tell you these things." Arya said with a chuckle.
"What do you mean?" Joan asked confused and curiously. Is it all like this?, Joan thought.
"Jo, this is complicated to understand, especially for all of you. But every one of us, at one time or another, did something that was not a good thing. All of us have blood on our hands. And that's something we have to live with everyday, because it never goes away completely. Despite all of what we might have done, at the end of the day, I still believe we were the good ones. Everything we did, we did for our families and our people. That does not erase it or make it right. But at least we had a good reason. I'm sure all of you realized by now that we lost a lot of people. We lost our parents, we lost brothers and sisters, we lost friends. But we kept going, because if we didn't, then we would be dead. The country was at war." Arya explained softly.
"That doesn't sound easy. I wish you didn't have to feel that." Joan said honestly. It must be awful... Maybe at the end of this we understand how it is like, Joan thought.
"That's true, but you know what? Everyday, we see all of you and it reminds us that it was worthy. All the fight, all the things we saw, what we had to deal with. It was all worthy for all of you to be standing here right now. We tried everything for all of this to be different with you, but we couldn't do a thing." Arya said looking down.
"We know. But, I also think you know that it's in our blood to get over these situations, to keep on going after everything. I don't know if I can get over my brother's death, because he was always there for us and he was the eldest, just like Jen, and we owe him a lot. But I do know that Gal knew what he was doing, I know that he would never regret it, he was protecting his family... I can't imagine what they're going through. My sister, I'm worried about her, we three were always very close, me and Cat told him everything... I know everyone is there for her, still... I know that Mia, Jorah and Rhaella are going to help them. I hope that Thomas doesn't have any rage attacks, I hope that James doesn't have any crazy ideas, still I know he's going to be there for Cat. And... I hope Cat and Jen can be strong. Me and Cat lost our brother and Jen lost the man she loves... And none of us could do a thing about it. I think that's the worst." Joan said sadly and bitterly at the end.
"They have each other and you have us. Everything is going to get better." Arya said looking at her.
"How am I going to tell my parents?" Joan asked.
"I... I don't know, you're going to have to send them a letter, one to camp and other to Winterfell. They're not alone. Your mother has your aunts and your uncles. And your father has your uncle and your aunt. They're going to have help." Arya said.
"In Winterfell, it has been bad, because they are trapped there, but the camp has been the deepest of the Seven Hells. Aunt Joanna almost died, the enemy is always attacking and everything is a mess. And now... this." Joan said almost crying again, still she did not.
"I know. We'll help them, I promise. But we have to have patience for a little while." Arya said putting a hand on her shoulder. Joan looked at her and nodded.
"She's right. We're going to help them." Gendry said upon arrival, going near them.
"What am I supposed to say in the letters?" Joan asked her aunt and uncle confused.
"Well, it's up to you, but I think it would be better if you didn't send the letters directly to them. It's terrible news and they won't deal well with it. They should know calmly and from someone. Someone that won't do anything rush as soon as had read the letter." Gendry said. Maybe that way it'll be easier, Joan thought.
"He's right. Who do you think won't do anything in a rush?" Arya asked him.
"Probably, Jon and Sansa. Again, Jo, it's up to you." Gendry said.
"I'll do that. Thank you, uncle." Joan said.
"No problem. We're here for you, Jo. Whenever you need it." Gendry said and she nodded.
"For now, go talk to your grandfather, he was worried about you." Arya said and Joan nodded again and was going inside, when her aunt said, "But, Jo, if you have to hold on to something, hold on to this: Gal's death will not be for nothing, because, no matter what, they're going to pay for what they did and-"
"And we will win this." Joan finished and her aunt nodded. After that, Joan went inside and went to find her grandfather.
Joan finally found her grandfather, when he saw her, he said,
"Jo..." However before he could say anything else, she went to him and gave him a tight hug.
"I'm so sorry, grandfather. I should not have reacted that way." Joan said.
"It's alright, dear. I'm sorry too." Selwyn said.
"What are we going to do now?" Joan asked after the hug.
"I don't know, but... We have to tell your parents. They have to know." Selwyn said.
"Do you think Cat is alright?" Joan asked.
"I know she will be, just like you. Because you're not alone." Selwyn said and Joan nodded. They spent some more time talking and at the end, Joan went to her parents' solar to write two letters, one to camp and other to Winterfell. She spent a lot of time writing the letters, chosing every word the most careful way possible. She decided to do as her uncle had said and not to sent the letters directly to her parents, because it would have a huge impact on them and she wanted that the news to be delivered to them with calm, therefore she sent the letter to camp to her uncle Jon and the letter to Winterfell to her aunt Sansa. At the end, Joan finally sent the letters. Goodbye, brother... I'll see you again someday..., Joan thought sadly.