Harry Styles is My Grandma

Once upon a time in a far away land called Hollywood. There lived a pretty little girl, the only Americian Asian in the neighbourhood. Yeah that's me, the super hot girl with gothic curls in the unicorn onsie. Hey there! How are you? I am fine. How are you. I'm glad you've come to read my diary and join me on my journey. It's all thanks to my wonderful grandmother, Harry Styles. She fluttered around in her velvet wings and emerald slippers munching on Liam Payne's Twinkies. Yeah in case you didn't know, Liam Payne is my grandfather. 

This story is crazy. I am in the internet. Oh my god. I'm in a Wattpad book. I'm in a One Direction Group. Guys, I'm squealing. I can't control my voice. My fingers are shaking and I've lost my voice. My throat burns and my common sense is melting. This is so amazing I think I'm going to splurt out a dozen languages. 

One Direction is holy and sacred. I am a part of the new Bible. My body is not ready for this, it will never be ready for this. This is the best thing ever since Sushi from Japan. One Direction es sagrado y sagrado. Soy parte de la nueva Biblia. Mi cuerpo no está listo para esto, nunca estará listo para esto. Esto es lo mejor desde el sushi de Japón. Zuzendaritza bat santua eta sakratua da. Biblia berriaren zati bat naiz. Nire gorputza ez dago horretarako prest, inoiz ez da horretarako prest egongo. Hau Japoniako Sushi-tik inoizko gauzarik onena da. Satu Arah adalah kudus dan sakral. Saya adalah bagian dari Alkitab yang baru. Tubuh saya tidak siap untuk ini, tidak akan pernah siap untuk ini. Ini adalah hal terbaik sejak Sushi dari Jepang. One Direction is heilig en heilig. Ik maak deel uit van de nieuwe Bijbel. Mijn lichaam is hier niet klaar voor, het zal hier nooit klaar voor zijn. Dit is het beste sinds Sushi uit Japan. Одно Направление является святым и священным. Я часть новой Библии. Мое тело не готово к этому, оно никогда не будет готово к этому. Это лучшая вещь со времен суши из Японии. 一つの方向は神聖で神聖です。 私は新しい聖書の一部です。 私の体はこれの準備ができていません、これの準備は決してできません。 これは日本からの寿司以来、最高のものです。一個方向是神聖而神聖的。 我是新聖經的一部分。 我的身體還沒有為此做好準備，它永遠也不會為此做好準備。 這是自日本壽司以來最好的事情。

"Sakura!" cried the boombastic voice of Granny Harry Styles. In her hand was a pint of wine. "Drink this. You're not you when you're thirsty." 

"Yes Granny Harry. You light up my world like nobody else."

Granny Harry nodded. He was dripping in pearls and rainbows. "Yes now drink it." 

What the hell Granny Harry is giving me wine. I gulp it quick and then I pick up my scarf to wear so I can go the mushroom bus to school. It's such a blessing having Harry Styles as my grandma. I know I'M 18 and it's 9AM, I should really act my age. I'm alive in another world. I'm doing my best. I do everything back for you, Granny Harry. Yours song about watermelons is the best song ever. It's better than words. 

"C'mon! C'mon!" Granny Harry patted my bum. "You need to catch the mushroom bus to school." Nothing can change my mind. This world is amazing. Granny Harry waves at me as I go to the mushroom bus and use my ticket to hop on. 

"It's time to change your ticket," the bus driver Zayn said to me. He did that and then I sat next to one of the clouds on the bus. Granny Harry blew a kiss at me then went back and had some sexy time with Liam. 

Diana with the pink flowers in her hair bounced on my lap. "Does he know?" 

"Know what?" 

"That you're a raging homophobe!" Diana bites my nose then pushes me to the floor. 

"DON'T DRAG ME DOWN!" I yell. 

OH MY GOD WHAT A CUNT! I BITE HER BACK IN THE FANNY AND SHE SCREAMS. "DON'T FORGET WHERE YOU BELONG IN THE ZOO WITH ALL THE CROCODILES." 

"You're just jealous at the end of the day." 

"I hate everything about you."

Whatever she says about me: I'm fireproof. She can't take me down. Even when she breathes fire and burns my unicorn onsie, it comes back to life. It's angelic fool's gold. 

"NEXT STOP FOREVER YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL!" Zayn announced into his cornish pastie microphone. 

"GIRL ALMIGHTY!" Donald Trump III cried out with his bleached wig and baggy suit. "God only knows it's gotta be you, Sakura Bum that causes a comotion." 

Anyone with half a heart would know I would happily take on anything because Harry Styles is my grandma and my boyfriend has eight dicks. Okay in real life I don't have a boyfriend, I'm a single pringle who mingles tingles but this isn't real life. Is it real life? Is it fantasty. Either way I am caught in a manslide of rainbows. No escape from reality. I need to open my eyes to the candyfloss gates of FOREVER YOUNG HIGHSCHOOL. 

The Heart Attack Heroes squad are the first to leave the bus. They're the sporty group with their big muscles and big hearts. I want to take them all home. Diana came up to me and apoligised. "I should have kissed you. I want to write you a song." 

"I want you to go away!" I said back. 

"I wish I would if I could fly." 

Sometimes I wonder if this world is an illusion. The possibilies are irreistiable and infinity and beyond. "STOP!" I grab Diana's neck when she's just bout to leave the bus. "I'll kiss you. This is going to be the last first kiss." 

The little things jiggling in the little black dress is full of little white lies. Diana and I live while we're young. We've come a long way down. 

"I love you goodbye," Diana said. 

"I loved you first." 

How the hell did that happen? There's only way to explain it: MAGIC! I can't wait to have midnight memories  and more moments like this. There's never enough na na na. And when the night changes some will be vampires, some will be werewolves. I'll still be Sakura Bum who is the number one author on Wattpad.