Teacher, Not Hero (femPercy Jackson X YJ)

Thirty-Seven: Too Many Similarities

Percy P.O.V:

Wallace West is lying and I will not stand for it.

It may not look it, but I have grown semi-attached to the Kiddies. Especially the redheaded speedster.

If I'm being honest, he reminded me of Leo. He was quirky, and energetic. He made jokes and laughed to take the tension off of everyone else. He acted like an idiot and at the same time, was practically a genius. He talked fast and rambled and aimed to please. Just like Leo.

When I had first met him, I still though Leo was dead. I had done a double take at the similarities between them. Yes, I know. Leo was Leo and Wally was Wally. There were just...too many similarities.

Wally reminded me so much of the boy I lost. The young demigod I failed to protect. I couldn't help but grow attached.

I didn't show it. I couldn't take time to pick favorites. I had to see Wally as Wally and Leo as Leo because if I didn't then every time I saw Wally's green eyes I would see Leo's brown ones. Everytime I heard Wally talk I would hear Leo, voicing his words. Everytime I saw Wally speed through the kitchen to flirt with M'gahn and anger Conner I would see Leo leaning on the rail of the Argo II, chatting with Hazel as Frank sat jelous in the corner.

And I couldn't do that. I couldn't handle that.

But then Leo came back. Then one of my greatest regrets was corrected and Leo was alive and for a little while I didn't feel so broken and guilty.

And Wally could be Wally.

That didn't mean I didn't see the Leo in him. It just wasn't the only thing I saw.

Wally liked science and physics while Leo liked mechanics and engineering.

Wally was practical while Leo lived in his own reality.

Wally was safe while Leo was a demigod.

When Leo came back, it opened my eyes to everything Wally was where Leo wasn't. I could pay a little more attention to him without feeling like I was looking at my dead friend in the eyes.

And now I know that Wally is lying. Now I can see that he is just as much like me as he is like Leo.

And that is not a good thing.

Wally P.O.V:

I stood outside the Percy's door, staring at it.

It was the middle of the night. No way she would be awake. I would just be bothering her.

Robin said that she would be able to help. He had told me about his late night ice cream with Percy and how he had slept better than he had in weeks.

He told me that I could trust her.

I knew for a fact that I couldn't talk to any of the League about it. I just- I couldn't. Going to the League wasn't an option.

Ronin had is own issues to deal with and I just didn't feel confident talking to any of my other team members.

Does that make me a bad person? That I couldn't even trust my team mates with something so stupid??

I couldn't keep doing this. I just couldn't. Things were getting out of hand and if I didn't do something soon, bad things were going to happen. I just knew it.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand and knocked on Percy's door.

Part of me wished she was asleep. My knock would go unnoticed and nothing would happen. Nothing would change. But I knew that I needed her to be awake. I needed her to open the door.

I heard a soft click and the sound of the hydraulic door filled the air. In front of me stood Percy in a hoody and sweatpants, her eyes tired but very much awake. She looked at me, curiosity playing on her face.

"Wally?" Her voice was soft, if not confused. My words caught in my throat. I couldn't do this. I couldn't-

"Come inside." Percy stepped to the side, reading my face and understanding why I was at her room at 2 in the morning.

I stepped inside, my eyes cast downward. I glanced around her room. It was small, modest, and pretty well kept. The lights were already on and I knew that I hadn't been responsible for waking her. My eyes drifted to the desk under her lof bed, a text book resting to the side of a pile of notes.

She pulls the chair from her desk out and turns it towards the center of the room. She grabs a bean bag from the corner of the room and sits on it, gesturing for me to sit in the chair.

"What's wrong, Wally?" Her voice is kind and for once I appreciate her blunt words. Percy never was one for small talk. I clear my throat and take a breath. It's now or never.

"I had-" I stop, looking up at her. Her face is calm and her posture is neutral. Robin's words come back into my mind. She isn't going to judge you. I think she gets them too. I start again.

"I had a nightmare." I breathe out. Percy nods in understanding.

"Do you want to tell me about it? You don't have to." I meet her eyes. She looks at me with recognition and understanding. But she does not look at me with pity or sympathy. Just like Robin said.

"I just get so afraid. I chose to be a hero. I purposely gave myself powers. What if I'm not fast enough? What if I fail?" My voice is a whisper and I almost wonder if Percy hears me. But she does.

"Wally," I look up at her. "You will never be able to save everyone. There are going to be times when you are just too slow." I watch as pain fills her eyes, a memory crossing her face. "I know from experience. But you can't think about the people you failed. You have to think about the people you haven't." I look at her, really look at her, and I can't help but wonder how many times she has had to tell herself that.

"Being a hero...It is hard, Wally. It is so hard. You never feel like you've done enough. It so, so easy to feel like the people you save don't count because of all the people you failed." She took a shaky breath, steadying herself.

"A couple of months ago, some friends and I were in a fight. It got bad. Really bad. We weren't going to win. It seemed so impossible." Percy looked up from her hands and I could see thst a few tears had fallen from her eyes. I wondered how bad something had to be for Percy to think it impossible. How bad was impossible for the woman who looked like she could do anything?

"I got...trapped somewhere. Somewhere bad. It was my own fault. I was saving someone. I messed up. I just...slipped." She looked at me, sadness in her eyes. "My friends had to keep fighting without me. They had to fight for a pretty long time. My...captors offered me a deal; I could list off a bunch of people and as long as I didn't escape, they wouldn't hurt the people I named." I couldn't help but wonder what type of people were able to capture Percy. She seemed so strong. So indistructable. Now looking at her, I could see that even the strongest of heroes weren't as tough as they seemed.

"I was able to list 234 people. I saved 234 people, Wally. I garunteed the safety of 234 people. And every single day I think about the people who's name I didn't put on that list. Every single person that I could have saved but didn't. Every person who died because I didn't list them." She looked me in the eyes, her hands resting on my shoulders.

"Being a hero is hard, Wally. It doesn't matter how strong you get. You will never be able to save everyone. That is why you need to think about everyone you do save. Because you will drive yourself into the ground if you don't."

With Percy's story and advice in my ears, I went to sleep thinking about everyone I had helped. Every grateful parent, every hopeful kid. All the people I saved. And I slept better than I had in days.