The Three Laws of Motion [Damien Haas, Shayne Topp, Ian Hecox]

ACCELERATION - 3. Not Bad, but Not Good

Hey, hey, hey! How are you all doing?

Thank you so much for an amazing 400+ reads on this book! It really means a lot to me, and I'm glad you guys like it.

I hope also that you guys are doing well from the virus wherever you are. I'm trying to order some merch from Smosh.Store but because of the virus, I may cancel it for the time-being. Can't risk it. But I hope things get better for everyone everywhere.

Anyway, let's begin! Shayne's POV and see ya!

-/-/-

I don't do this a lot, but when I do, it immortalizes the fear of dying alone.

I wake up with a headache that's a little distressing, but I knew why it was there. You meet a girl at a bar, you talk a little about who you are, you get a few drinks, you walk her to her apartment, and then when you're standing by her doorframe, she grabs you into her room by your necktie. The next thing you know, the sun's shining through the windowpane and you have to get to work by nine. The stupid thing is, as I glance at the empty slot beside me, I don't even know her name.

But when I get dressed and walk outside the bedroom, I see her also fully dressed with a messy bun up, cooking something that smells like heaven while singing to a familiar song from the 00s. She turns around and smiles at me as she puts some food on the table. "Hey, eat up," she says.

"Uh, I actually thought this was a, uh, one-night thing," I reply, motioning to my blazer on her coat rack.

"And so?" she asks, raising her eyebrows at me. "Breakfast is an essential part of the day. You, sir, need your good protein."

"Yeah, sorry, but I'd have to decline," I tell her, scratching the back of my head. "I gotta head to work by nine, and this is just a bit awkward then."

"Uh, it's only six in the morning?"

"It is?"

"Yeah," she answers, grinning. "Plenty of time for you to eat your breakfast. Go ahead, I'll just be attending to some matters in the bathroom."

As she leaves, I reluctantly take a seat at her dining table and take a delicious look at all the food in front of me. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, mashed potatoes, some OJ, some coffee... this girl's seemingly a nice cook and a nice person. But then, I wonder if I had to wait for her to start eating or if I could start eating and just wait for her to come back. It was awkward. It was bad, but at the same time, it also kinda felt good to eat breakfast with someone for once. After years of living alone, you'd miss these little things.

Thankfully, she comes back quickly and sits across me, offering me some condiments and creamer for the coffee. The awkward thing was that, as I chewed on some syrupy bacon, I didn't even know what her name was. And I was rude enough already to try declining this piece of heaven before me.

"So...," I mumble as I crack the yolk of the runny egg on my plate. "What do you do for a living?"

"You asked me that last night," she says, grinning. "But honestly, I don't remember much of the information we shared last night. Inebriated, we were. Curious, we are. Strangers, we will be."

I stare at her in confusion. "Are you an English professor?"

She shrugs as she takes the last piece of bacon and replies, "I don't even know your name. I'm just being a polite host."

"It's actually really nice," I tell her. "This whole politeness thing you're doing. Whenever I do this, I kinda just awkwardly hug a girl goodbye and cringe for the rest of my life."

She laughs lightly. "I don't do this a lot," she says. "But when I do, most guys just kinda scram. It's a bit annoying, so I try waking up earlier than them. But they're like cannons, you know?"