The Heart Wants What It Wants ➳ Harlena

|Chapter 18 : Anxious

Chapter 18 : Anxious

Dear journal,

When me and harry do it, it felt amazing. I felt like I’m being loved. And since then, we’re like so close and romantic and shit like that. And I realize that, I love him. But I don’t know if he loves me back or not, and that’s what making me feel scared. I’m afraid I’m being fooled and played. Do you ever feel like, you love this person, but then you just got fooled and played by them? Or you just fooled yourself and just felt like, wanted to slumped down in the corner of the room. I’m afraid to feel that. I’m afraid to get rejected.

But I’m not going to worried about that now, might as well I’m worried about what if my friends found out? I need to find away to not make it obvious. Welp, I guess I’ll stop here, I need to eat lunch with my grandma. I’ll write later.

#Muchlove
Selena, xo.

I close my journal and placed my pen on top of it, I lean back against my seat and stare up the ceiling. Thinking about it all over again. And now I realize I just lost my virginity. But it’s worth it though, if I loose it to the harry styles. I love him. I love him so much. If I was a boy and he’s the girl, I would buy this dimension for him to show him how much I love him.

“Selena, are you ready to go? We need to drop gracie at Ms. Lilly’s house first.” I heard my grandma yelled from downstairs.

“I’ll be right there!” I yelled back as I stood up from my chair and walk towards my closet to change. I wear a white crop-top with my black short waisted jeans and white converse. I brush my hair and add a few make-up and when I’m done, I grab my phone and left the room.

“Come on sweetheart.” Today me and my grandma decided that we should have a day together, gracie said she doesn’t want to come with us so my grandma said we could drop her at Ms. Lilly’s house to play with her daughter.

―

“So, any boys yet?” My grandma smirked as I chuckled and shook my head side to side.

“No, not yet grandma.” Although I was half lying because my relationship with harry is kind of, weird. Sometimes we goes out like boyfriend and girlfriend thing but sometimes we goes out like a best friend thing.

“What about that harry guy hm? I like him. He’s gentleman.” She smiled as she took a sip from her tea.

“H-he’s just a friend, nothing much.” I chuckled slightly.

“Grandma?

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Do you ever feel like um―You fell in love with this guy, buy your friends doesn’t approve it and told you to stay away, and if you not, they’re stop hanging out with you?” I asked.

She chuckled and sigh while seting down her cup on the small round plate, “Yes. You see, I fell in love with your grandpa. My friends doesn’t approve our relationship, and they told me to stay away from him. But I didn’t listen, I just followed what my heart said. If they stop hanging out with you, then that means they’re not a supportive friend.”

“I know that it’s what best for you, but sometimes you just gotta do what you want to do. Your life is your life. It doesn’t counting on people’s choice. You just need to follow what you want and don’t stop until you get there sweetheart.” She smiled and her smile suddenly fell.

A Sigh escaped from her mouth, “But my friends were right about your grandpa.” She looks down.

“W-What do you mean? Can you tell me the story?”

She sighed and nod, “My friends said that your grandpa was a douche bag but I thought he’s not, but he is. We made love but then the protection broke, and that’s when I have your mother who is now leaving you.”

“I don’t care about mom, then what happened? You guys get married right?”

She sigh and shook her head side to side, “We didn’t. He left me. He choose to be with another girl who is now, he’s living with.”

“Oh.” My eyebrows furrowed in sadness.

“It’s alright granny, he’s a douchebag for leaving an amazing woman like you granny.” I said with a reassuring smile plastered on my face as my hand reach hers.

“Thankyou sweetheart,” We spend our day talking about family stuff, boys, and school. You know what, it’s really good hanging out with your grandma. She has ears to listen and she’ll give you advice.

“By the way, why are you asking that?”

“Asking what?”

“About my love life? Is there something wrong? You know you could let it out on me right?”

“Yes grandma i know and . . . No there’s nothing, it’s alright.” I lied.

“Okay.” She nodded with a small smile.

It’s really weird for lying to the person that you’ve been trusted all this year. But i have’nt got the urge to let it out, maybe when the time is right i’ll tell it.

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