Forcedly Yours [R-18]

Chapter 39

It's been a month since I last saw my husband. The house I grew to love became a painful daily reminder of his absence.

I've spent every day wondering what he was up to. Kung anong kinain niya sa almusal, tangalian o hapunan. Kung sinong kasama niya. How his day went. I missed kissing him goodnight, miss seeing his face first thing in the morning.

Panaka-nakang pumupunta dito ang magulang ko para kumustahin ako at dalhan ng pagkain. I told them a week after I got back from Cebu that I was pregnant. Bakas sa mga mukha ng magulang ko ang pag-alala. My mother urged me to get myself checked immediately. I've been delaying it not only because I was scared but also because I wanted Leyton to be there with me. And I was still not ready to see him even though I was dying to go to his office and take back what I said.

The space I begged for was not doing me any good. Leyton sent me two text messages every day. Just a plain, 'Good morning, wife' and Good night, baby', and nothing else. Not even saying he missed me or that he thought of me like I did him.

Seryoso siya 'nong sinabi niya na ibibigay niya sakin ang space na kailangan ko. He never once went home, believe me when I say I would have noticed if he did. Naging hyper aware ako sa mga sasakyan na dumadaan o kaya ay feeling ko na humihinto malapit sa bahay. Always hoping that he'd break his word. He didn't.

Ginugol ko ang atensyon sa pagga-gardening at pagpa-practice magluto for the first two weeks. I also went with Karina to visit a few museums. Pabalik-balik na kami sa iba pero hindi nagsasawa ang kapatid ko.

The next two weeks were difficult for me because I seem to feel more alone. Mas naramdaman ko na nag-iisa nalang ako sa kwarta ko. Unti-unting nasasanay na ako na wala ang asawa ko. I often go to his side of the closet to smell his clothes like an addict, too. Minsan ay nakakatulog pa ako 'don.

The gardeners took charge of my garden because I felt lethargic and didn't want to get out of bed. Alam ko na hindi nakabubuti sa anak ko ang ginagawa ko sa sarili ko kaya napag-isipan kong mag book na ng appointment para magpa-check up.

Nakatulala ako sa ceiling nang biglang nag-ring ang phone ko.

"Hello?" sagot ko.

"Good morning! Is this Mrs. Kristina Rossi?" rinig kong tanong ng isang babae sa kabilang linya.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Ma'am, I would like to remind you of your check up today with Dra Crisostomo, 1pm in the afternoon."

Napaupo ako bigla. I winced when I felt slightly dizzy. Nawala sa isip ko na ngayon na pala ang appointment ko sa doctor. It was my first appointment with her because I kept on prolonging the inevitable.
Gina, Leyton's secretary called me three weeks ago, telling me she found an ObGyne for me but I refused to go until now.

"Ah, yes. I will be there thank you." sagot ko.

Tinapos ko ang tawag at tumayo. Mag-aalas dyes na ng umaga. I stayed too long in my bed this morning, again. Lumabas ako ng kwarto para bumaba. I needed to eat something at nagke-crave ako ng banana shake.

Nasa baba rin si Karina, lumingon siya sakin at binati ako ng good morning bago tinuon ulit ang atensyon niya sa kanyang sketchpad.

Nagtungo na ako sa kusina at nag handa ng oatmeal at banana shake. Matapos kong ihanda iyon ay umupo ako sa harap ng kapatid ko. I ate silently and paid attention to her. Nakakunot-noo siya habang gumuguhit. She was working on a design was what she told me.

Uminom ako ng shake habang pinapanood siyang mag sketch. She really is an artist. May talent talaga sa pagda-draw unlike me na stick na tao lang ang kayang iguhit.