Duran Duran Oneshots That Are Mainly Crack Ones

Don't die you're so sexy ahaha (I didn't write this one either)

POV: You are looking for some sexy lingerie because you're going to your boyfriend Nick's house tonight. You want to impress him but you can't find what you want. So you decide to go into town and buy some. Your town is really small and the shopping centre doesn't have a Victoria's Secret. Doesn't matter, you choose to go into Primark. You find a black, sexy chemise, and it's on sale too, even better! You buy it for £5.50, reduced from £12 and leave the shop ecstatic with your bargain and you can't wait for tonight. You arrive at Nick's and eat a wonderful dinner. 

'All ingredients from Waitrose of course my love'. 

You don't think you've ever been to a Waitrose; you're more of an ASDA kinda girl, but you don't mention it. Then, things get heated and you move to the bedroom. Nick rapidly undresses you and gasps when he see what you're wearing underneath. 

'Wow!' You continue kissing and he lays you down on his bed, as his hands travel up inside the chemise.

He smiles at you, his head laying inbetween your legs. Then, his hand grabs hold of the little tag inside of the lingerie. 

He grins 'Ooh, let's see where you got it from. I think I can guess'. 

You gulp. 

Would he mind that it was from Primark? Surely Nick wasn't like that! As he tries to read the label in almost complete darkness, your breathing increases and not in a good way. Quickly, Nick pulls his hand away and jumps from the bed, knocking into his dresser. He looks horrified! His breathing is shallow and he begins to pant and cough. You lay on the bed, motionless. You gain the courage to speak up. 

'Nick baby, are you okay?'

'Primark.' He mumbles repeatedly, grabbing onto his dresser. You stand up and walk towards him but he pushes you away.

'Nick c'mon, it's just Primark!' He screams at the name.

'It was on sale, you'd have to be mad not to buy it!' 

'SALE?!?!?! SO IT'S EVEN CHEAPER THAN USUAL?!?!!' He screams, causing you to jump. 

You go to touch his arm but he bellows, 'LEAVE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY' before you can even get close. 

You sigh and get dressed. Nick can't even look at you, and runs down the stairs, sobbing. You walk down the stairs and approach the door. Just as you reach for the handle, a bonk comes over your head! Nick hit you with a hammer! 

'I realised that just letting you leave wasn't enough. Scum like you just can't be allowed to roam free in public. You looked so sexy for me, such a pity you're a peasant. It was nice knowing you but sadly, you have to die now.' 

You feel your eyes close for the final time as you die on Nick's marble floor, as he commands his cleaner to wash the entire house to avoid your dirty germs spreading. What a sad end for you :,(