Vitae Memorandum

40-Coattail Shadows

The whole gathering had packed up quickly since the performance, an awkward feeling presiding over those present. Mhyl had left the room quickly after, yet discovered Lwyn was nowhere to be found.

Lwyn was actually on the roof at the time, pondering her thoughts on her own. She had known there would be a time when she would just simply find herself no longer fitting in. She thought back to the many days it had been so far. While a mutual circumstance had brought them together, all of them had grown on their own from it, in their own ways. It built upon them who they themselves really were. It had felt like they had been together in fact for an eternity as a result, with how close everything had grown, but that too was naught but an illusion.

From there, they had gone a long distance, with her trailing in their shadows, clinging to their coattails. She had been able to revel in their victories and struggled through their failures. Theirs, not really her own. Her's was only a life of struggle, that's all it had ever been. Pretending she was going to be okay had done her well so far, there were a few things she could contribute at first. Spending herself to keep the team happy endlessly had driven them forwards through things near the start, though eventually she had found herself replaced in many of those tasks. She had mostly just... been there.

She was there when Thanrie had gotten hurt, unable to do a thing but go along for the whole agony. There, she had been the most useful, her false energy almost seemed to have spent itself in that incident. But, as things improved, she got better at pretending she herself had also recovered, that she herself was doing better. They had managed a few things after that with her around, after opening the facility she sat upon. It was even on this very roof where she had to fight Hammer-face, and instead of claiming victory, she had failed. She herself was left crushed, physically and emotionally, as others had to clean up after her own failure. That was when her despair had begun to really set in, as she laid there attempting to heal.

Then she was told some of her supposed family heritage. It sounded like a fairy tale to her, to be honest. She still didn't fully believe it, but had gone along with the ride. A myth that a half-elf like her could be important sounded more fabricated than anything. Instead, it felt like people were putting her in a seat of importance, something she could only let them down on in the future. She was and will always be the most expendable, no matter what stories others came up with out of convenience.

When Mhyl got hurt, she got to see just how much being considered important was a destiny designed to fail. Nothing imparted in that moment showed anything of value in putting her on such a pedestal. She could scarcely believe how useless she was getting by that point, and it had started to tear her apart. Still, Mhyl had gotten better regardless, and had scolded them for not sharing how they had all felt. Lwyn felt kinda bad, for not having shared all of her growing concerns so far, but it would only burden them further if they had to deal with that too.

It was in fact at that point where Mhyl had started to shine, and when Lwyn had started to really feel like her spot was lost completely. She was good at so many things, it was astonishing.. and actually intimidating. Mhyl had started to appear as a symbol of greatness within the team, almost a hero in her own right, and Lwyn had started to feel her own illusion of value begin to fade quickly. Her singing, her dancing, her athletics.. Lwyn was fairly certain Mhyl could probably fight well enough if she actually tried. Mhyl probably just wasn't familiar with a style she felt suited to.

It wasn't like she was alone in this. Thanrie had been doing so well actually for a while before. Mhyl had seemed to only make Thanrie improve even more so after her own recovery. The two together were a marvel to witness, something fading beyond Lwyn's own reach. And for a time, it felt as if the only coattail she could still hold on to was Qheria's. However, then Qheria had suddenly decided to save the one person who was most expendable, taking herself down instead. Lwyn still had no idea why that had even happened. Thanrie had seemed at a loss as well, but Mhyl had quickly managed to provide enough support to restore Thanrie to her potential and greatness.