Homeward Bound

Homeward Bound Chapter 10

With the visit to Mr Thomas in mind, I made sure to get up at a reasonable time so that I could have my breakfast, which turned out to be cornflakes again. Luckily, I had woke before mum so was spared the image of her in her bunny slippers and dressing gown. I had however had to deal with the cat, which would not stop meowing piteously until I let her out. Spitefully I shut the cat flap with the latch. Try getting in now, I thought, pleased that the cat was now out from under my feet. I made use of the sink to wash myself, still not getting over the fact that mum allowed the local neighbour to wash their dog in the shower.

With myself now awake and freshened up, after leaving a note for mum about getting the wake sorted out, I wondered into town to the church, which was on top of a hill. This would be more than enough exercise for today, I thought, as I huffed and puffed up the pathway feeling like I had run a marathon. I opened the heavy wooden door before stepping into the church. It was very drafty inside the church. I huddled under my coat wondering why churches were always cold and why they felt the need to build them on hills. I only imagined what it was like in winter when they had the Christmas mass.

A movement caught my eye which turned out to be the vicar who was dressed in what seemed to be several layers of jumpers. He probably needed it if he worked up here in the various different seasons.

'Lovely morning isn't it!' he cheered beaming at me before turning and scurrying to his office not bothering to check if I was following. 'Mr Graves rang me to say that you won't be having a picture of your dad nor would you be having flowers.' He got straight to business, which I didn't mind as it meant that I could get this over and done with very quickly. I had left mum in charge of arranging the wake. I could only hope that it was done before the next century.

'No. That is correct, Dad had never been a flower person and had said that when he coped it, he didn't want any of that floral shit.'

I slapped my hand over my mother in horror as I realised that I had sworn in a place of religion. 'Sorry, Sorry, so sorry.' I blabbed out. 'I'm only saying what my dad would have said.'

'That is quite alright,' he assured me, offering me a seat in his little office. 'Right shall we move on with our little discussion?'

'By all means,' I agreed.

'Your father,' he stated rather embarrassed here.

'What about him?' I quizzed him.

'Well...um...I haven't really got anything nice to say about him,' he confessed looking sheepish.

I wasn't surprised that no one had suggested a little antidote about dad as let's put it this way, he wasn't very well liked for the way he spoke his mind. He'd be remembered as the man who called a spade a spade and gay's a bloody poofter.

'Just mention about how he was a proud man who liked his home comforts,' I suggested.

His home comforts being a general helping of Monty Pythons flying circus which he watched religiously every evening, possibly repeats of the Goons on radio four extra, and Fawlty towers on Yesterday channel. Other than that, he complained bitterly about the news, might enjoy a bit of cricket, snooker or rugby, but always having his own opinion on it.

'That won't take long, there must be something else,' he insisted, so I gave it to him.

'Well, best not mention his views about Jehovah witnesses, gays and drunk people.' Now on a roll. 'Don't mention the decline of the whole town and not the bank closure.' I knew from his irate phone call, not many I had to endure from him, about the local bank closing and the fact there were newcomers by the day. 'Those caught for speeding he would shoot them and let's not forget how he thought that corporal punishment should be made legal again. Oh, and how youths should be hung.' I finished as he looked horror struck about the man, I called my dad.