I See You (Campus Crush series)

21

•Josephine Macbeth
•Footprint In the Sand by Leona Lewis

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(David's POV)

"How was it? Is he okay?" I questioned Josie some time after Casper stormed up the stairs. I led her to the door to see her off.

"He'll be just fine. He's particularly feisty, that one."

"Lately, yeah," I agreed with a sigh. "But he's a gentle soul, I promise."

"I can see that, trust me." She faced me, staring at me intently. "I think I know what the problem is."

My eyes grew wide. I wish I could ask what it was, but I'd never implore her to break my husband's confidence. "Are you sure? So soon?"

"Judging by his anger, I'd say yes. I definitely hit something. Right now, he's irritable, so try to keep him occupied."

"I'm trusting you, Josephine. But if he's angry... I mean, that's progress right? Depression can be numbing. Any expression of emotion is a good sign. You taught me that."

She smiled, patting my arm. "Be there for him, as I know you will. He's going to need you."

"Don't worry. There's nowhere else I'd rather be. Thank you."

**

"You should do this more often," Casper sighed in contentment as I carefully massaged his back.

"I should," I agreed. "We used to massage each other every day."

"You're kidding! Why'd we ever stop?" He wondered incredulously. My hands moved up to his shoulders.

"I guess there's just never time," I whispered, rubbing his skin affectionately.

"That's..." his voice faded.

"Don't fret," I tried to reassure him, picking up on his sadness. "I'm more than willing to give you massages every night if you'd like. Anyway, it's been hours. Are you going to tell me how it went with Josephine or do you want to keep it private? I'll respect either choice."

His body was tense before, but now he just seemed rigid.

"Relax, darling," I soothed, caressing the small of his back. Leaning in, I kissed the base of his neck. "Take a breath. Do you need fresh air? We can take a walk in the backyard, rest on the hammock I built for you?"

"When's the last time we stretched out on the hammock and just enjoyed the stars and the fireflies?"

I leaned back. "Alright. Something's bothering you."

He sat up, facing me on the bed. "I'm starting to realize how much time is stealing from us. It shouldn't be that way."

I just smiled with patience, picking up his delicate hand. "Which makes moments like these all the more special."

"Oh, David. Always the optimist. Thank God for you. Listen, about Josie... did you tell her what she was treating me for?"

"No. I called her to come meet you, to hear you out. To help you. I never told her you're feeling depressed."

He tilted his head. "Hm. She had me all figured out. Can't say I enjoyed being picked apart in under an hour by a stranger."

"I know it might seem... harsh and invasive. She needs to understand you—"

"All she did was hunt for my insecurities and I didn't appreciate it. I... I don't wanna see her again." He hugged his legs close to his chest stubbornly.

I nearly pouted. A part of me couldn't help but compare him to when we first started dating. He was once openly vulnerable, and he didn't mind being transparent with the perils of his mind. I reminded myself that he was young then.

Time hardened him. Parenthood toughened him.

I never let go of his hand. "When we treat clients with depression, we try to identify triggers. These triggers may be in the form of insecurities. They could be forms of self-loathing, or other people, or ongoing problems that we don't know the answers to, or even all the things that we want to change about the world. It could be anything. Sometimes, there's no trigger at all." I moved to sit directly in front of him, and his sterling blue orbs bore into my eyes. "What're you feeling right now? At this moment?"

He stared at me for a second, his creamy, smooth cheeks pinking up just a little. "Shame," he admitted. "Like I want to hide."

My heart sank, but I wouldn't lose hope. "Well, fortunately for us, I know how we can get rid of that feeling. Shame is a monster, and I refuse to let it keep my love in its grasp."

The tiniest of smiles appeared on his face, and I knew that he had faith that I could help. He lowered his legs, and held my other hand as well.

"What's the reason behind this shame?" I quietly asked.

"I feel like I'm gonna let you down. You and our babies."

I squeezed his hands briefly. "This is a feeling of inadequacy. You're going to fight it with pride and trust. Remember, we love you for who you are, not who we want you to be. Don't set unrealistic standards for yourself, Casper, because you'll never meet them. Focus on your strengths."

"That's easier said than done."

I nodded. "I'm here to remind you. Are you proud of Dawn? of Royce?"

His eyes widened in surprise for a second. "Absolutely. Every day."

"You had a hand in raising them. You've instilled values that guide them every single day. They look up to you, and they cherish you. Trust their love for you, and you will never let them down."

He let out a steady breath. "Okay."

"Are you proud of me?"

He blushed and leaned forward to give me a sweet kiss. "Very proud."

I touched my forehead to his. "You keep me going. I'd be lost without you, Casper. Trust my love for you, and you'll never let me down. Ever."

"I trust you," he vowed. I brought my lips to his again and he wrapped his arms around my neck, sinking into my body gracefully.

"How do you feel? Better?"

"Much." He tried to crawl into my lap but we ended up toppling to the side. He laughed against me. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." I ran my fingers through his hair, drawing him nearer. "I guess... I'll try to let Josie do her thing. For real this time."

"Sounds like a plan."