The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Content to loneliness

Taehyung

    Where am I?
    What happened?
    What did I do?
     Why is there a body on top of me?
     Peaking my eyes open, I look down to see Jimin asleep on my chest. Oh yeah. Shit.
     We all went clubbing and got drunk and...and...I don't remember much after getting black out drunk. Did I say or do something bad? Surely not since Jimin is still here.
     "Hey, you're up."
    Turning my head, I see Jin smiling tiredly are me from the doorway. "Hey. Sorry I, Uh, passed out. Where am I?"
     He smirks at Jimin sleeping soundly. I push him off me and sit up carefully so not to wake him.
     "I rounded all you drunkards up last night and brought you home with me. Your sleeping in the room Jimin used to use here. Some of his things are still here. You're welcome to use them or shower if you want. The kids are downstairs playing if you want to see them in a bit."
     Groaning, I rub my eyes. I feel awful. "Thanks, Jin. Really." I feel ashamed to meet his eyes. After everything...I mean I did drug and rape his mate, trying to steal him. I have many regrets.
     He gives me a knowing smile. "You're fine here, Tae. It's all in the past. You're welcome here anytime you need anything. It's been a long time and we all know you aren't like that anymore."
    "I'm sorry." I have to say it. "I don't remember it I ever said that before to you."
    He tilts his head. "Whether you have or not, I know you are. I accept your apology." He claps his hands. "Are you hungry? I made breakfast."
     My stomach let's out a growl right at that moment and I blush. He chuckles. "T-thanks. I'm starved."
     "Then wash up and come down whenever. Jimin is a deep sleeper. He'll be out all morning probably."
     I rub my messy hair, yawning. "I'm gonna shower. Be down soon."
    "Alright."
    When he's gone, I glance down at Jimin. Bits and pieces of our conversation come to mind. Jimin, drunk, asking me questions about our relationship. I remember some of that.
     The truth is...beside the fact he was cheating on me with Namjoon...he was a great caring boyfriend. To be honest, I was afraid to get too emotionally involved because I knew it was temporary. Sometimes, though, he slipped through my defenses and I wished...wished it could be real.
     Secretly I was jealous that Jimin was already claimed and I used that jealousy as the anger that drove me to act in ways that I didn't really like. Despite being a beta, he made me feel special and beautiful and cherished.
     I know he was being blackmailed by Namjoon. I also knew he brought that on himself. It was a bad situation all around. I do miss it, though. The pretending. Fake or not it made me happy sometimes. Deep down.
     Smiling to myself, I lean down and kiss his cheek. For a bit...Jimin was special to me. But he seems to be special to everyone else, too.
    

     Climbing out of the shower, I wipe the foggy mirror with my towel and stare at my reflection. There really isn't anything extraordinary about me except the fact I'm an omega.
     It's hard. So fucking hard being so inadequate compared to those around me. Feeling so insignificant and unwanted.
     For once in my life Namjoon made me feel like life is worth living. He strengthen our bond. It was wrong, I know it was but it made me happy. I love him.   
     I...also love Jimin. Loved. Sometimes I get confused.
     I'm afraid to let myself feel that again, though. I'm scared now that our bond is stronger Namjoon might find out my secret.
     A secret I never want him or anyone else to find out.
     Years ago...I was actually pregnant with Jimin's child. That was real. Namjoon thought it was a cruel joke I played on Jimin but the fact was I actually was telling the truth.
     I got scared, though, and tried to cover it up by forcing Jungkook that time and telling everyone the baby was his.
     Honestly, I was already pregnant before that. I wonder...how would Namjoon react if he ever finds out he caused me to lose Jimin's baby? I'm not cruel enough to ever tell him. I'm just not sure how well I'll be able to hide it when he can sense my distress being around Jimin. I have a complex around him.
     I hide it well but it's different between mates. That's why I'm trying to convince Jimin to give Namjoon a fighting chance and break our bond. That way I can save all of them the pain of that revelation. It's a burden I chose to bear alone and I've accepted it.
     It's why I'm reluctant to talk about the past and my past relationship with Jimin. It brings back more painful memories then he can even comprehend. He thought it was all fake. I made sure to paint myself out to be the worst and I've lived with that for a long time now.
     They can never find out.

     "You look much better." Jin comments as I take a seat at the table.
     Smiling a bit, I start eating and watching as across the room Jungkook sits on the floor playing with Chaerin and Ryujin.
     They look cute. Would my baby have played happily with them like this, too? In another life perhaps? I wonder what he or she would have looked like or what I would have named them.
     Why am I even dwelling on this? That chance is long past for me. No point thinking about it. Sighing, I push my food around feeling sick all of a sudden.
     Would I have made a good parent? I know Jimin is a good one. He loves Ryujin with all his heart despite the circumstances surrounding her birth. Would he have loved our baby just as much? He seemed happy enough when I told him I was pregnant. Of course he was panicked because he was also pregnant with Namjoon's child at the time but still.
     "You okay?" Jin sits down beside me, watching me with concern. "Does it taste bad?"
     "It's good." I choke a bite down and force a smile. "You're a good cook."
     He rolls his eyes. "Don't force yourself if you aren't hungry. It's just basic." He pauses, glancing over at the kids and his mate. "Do you think you will ever have a baby?"   
      I blink, surprised he even asked. "Maybe one day. If I ever find a real mate, I mean."
     He nods. "I think you'd make a good parent."
     Is this guy psychic or a mindreader? I nervously laugh. "I don't think it's cut out for me honestly—omega or not."
     He shrugs. "Jimin basically said the same thing and he's a great parent. Omegas like us are meant to be eommas, though."
     "I don't even know if my body can even handle that kind of thing." I whisper under my breath.
     "Why not? Our bodies are made for that. Nothing to be scared of."
     I snort. If only he knew. "So does that mean you're having another one soon?" Changing the subject.
     He groans. "God, not you, too!"
     Yeah. That kind of happiness isn't meant for me.