The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

End Of The Rope

Namjoon

     Tap. Tap. Tap.
     My head is about to explode. Grinding my teeth, I try to ignore the maddeningly insane sound of tapping fingers on the desk across from me but I'm nearing my limit.
     ...tap. Tap. Tap.
Taptaptaptap!
    "Can you please fucking stop that?!" I growl, kicking Taehyung under the kitchen table as he looks up in innocent shock. The little bitch.   
     "That hurt! I wasn't doing anything!" He whines, rubbing his shin with a sulky expression.
     I clench my jaw, giving him a warning look. "You're giving me a fucking migraine. Stop pretending. You know that shit ticks me off."
     Rolling his eyes, he shoves the account book from his side over to mine.  
     I scowl. "I'm not doing your work again, you lazy dumbass."
    "I'm not lazy. I'm just tired and hurting now no thanks to you." He glares, holding his leg. "I'm done. It's late and your annoying to be around lately. Do it or not but I'm going to bed."
     The urge to crumble up the thick pages and toss them in the trash is almost too overpowering but I resist. Just barely.
     I hate working. I hate the numbers and the lack of space for errors. The double, triple checking the accounts.     Ugh. Taking over the family business is daunting and quite honestly depressing. Sure, there's so much money in it but it's also so much fucking work!
     Taehyung owns half the business with me but he never does anything to help! Always pushing his shit off on me like I don't have a fucking life too. So what if I don't. I hate this shit, too.
     Fuck it. I'm done, too. I need sleep. My eyes are dry and itchy and my muscles tense.
     Rolling my shoulders to help relieve some tension, I get up and switch off the light, heading to my own bedroom.
     After a quick shower, I lay down on the cool crisp sheets and take a deep breath, unwinding. My mind tries to wander to places I don't want to travel down. Really don't. Won't.
     Namely Jimin.
    Jimin and his little boyfriend.
    Jimin and his little boyfriend in bed.
    That little prick touching Jimin and kissing him and taking claim of his body and heart...things I've always wanted to belong to me.
Fucking goddamn it!
     Sighing long and hard, I grip my head and force the thoughts away. As a big fuck you, they only come back full force with a vengeance and my imagination becomes graphic.
      Motherfucker.
     I kick off the blankets in a rage and decide to release my stress by working out. It's the only thing that can clear my mind and tire me out at the same time.
     Stepping into our private gym, I wrap my hands and hit up the punching bag. Gritting my teeth, I feel sweat run down my temples as I use every last bit of my strength for hours.
      Afterwards, I run a few miles on the treadmill then the weights. It's well past four am by the time I finally feel I can possibly sleep peacefully.  
     Stomping up the stairs, I pause at Taehyung's door. His soft hushed voice drifting into my ears. I press closer to the door to listen shamelessly. Who the hell is he calling this late at night?
As if sensing me, he ends the call and shoves the door open almost knocking me over.
I frown. "I thought you went to sleep?"
He runs his eyes over me with malicious intent. "I could say the same for you." Shaking his head, he leans against the door frame and studies me. "When are you going to get over him, hyung? Jimin doesn't want you. He never wanted you. You never had a real chance. You've never once occupied his thoughts in any serious way except to escape you."
The words sting, slicing through me with a precision I've long come to expect from the devilish omega. I grit my teeth and ignore the painful throbbing of my chest. "So what? Not like anyone has ever wanted you, either. We're both just throwaways."
He glares at me. "I have more potential than you. I'm an omega. Eventually someone will need me. You...you're just pathetic. A loser. Only a fucking idiot would love you."
I snort. "You love me."
His eyes flash and he visibly bites his tongue. Swallowing hard. "Only out of desperation. I can move on. Find real love. You...you are just a lost cause. You're too obsessed with a fake artificial love you made up with Jimin that it's sickening to watch. Just let it go. I'm starting to feel sorry for you and I hate that."
I look away. If only you knew how hard I've been trying to do just that. I blow out a sigh. "Who were you talking to?"
A trace of actual happiness touches his eyes. "Just someone. Nothing special yet but maybe..."
"Tae..."
He frowns, reaching out to grasp my shoulder and squeezing. "You need to do it. I can feel how much your hurting and I'm tired of hurting, too. Please. For me." He urges.
I don't say anything. Nothing I really can say.
"Goodnight. Get some rest." Sighing, he walks back in and closes the door in my face.
Rubbing my face and despising the wetness I feel on my fingers, I walk back to my room and into the shower. I step under the cold spray still fully dressed and just...stare blankly into space.
I'm trying so fucking hard to forget about him but it's impossible when I'm attached to him in such a fundamental way as sharing a child. He's always going to be there in the corner of my mind. I'm always going to be waiting on the sidelines for when he needs me. No matter how big or small.
I fucked up in the past but I've been doing everything in my power to make up for it. To be a better man and alpha. A better lover. To be a good father.
I'm nearing the end of my rope, however. I can't keep on like this. I just can't. It's slowly killing me inside. I'm hanging myself and running out of air.
Loving Jimin is like choosing a slow and agonizing death by a thousand cuts. Each smile and show of any affection is another deep cut into my flesh, my very soul.
Years and years and my body is finally feeling the burden of such an unrequited love. I can't take it anymore.
I need to move on or I won't make it much longer like this. I'm starting to shut down.
Surely...I deserve a lot of suffering for my sins but...surely I don't deserve this, right?