The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Leaving the past behind

Jimin

    What am I doing? What am I doing? I can't be doing this. I have to think of Jaehyun. I have to remember all the pain and suffering this alpha has put me through over the last couple years...
I can't let my guard down. I can't let myself be comfortable in his embrace. Sighing, I peak my head up from Namjoon's chest to see him sleeping soundly with his arms tightly around me.
How did I sleep so well here in this cold place I used to call home? Especially since it's Namjoon. I don't understand myself.
Silently, I get up and check my phone. Jaehyun has sent me several calls and messages while I slept. Frowning, I text him back letting him know I'll see him tomorrow. I can't wait to leave and forget all about these crazy people.
Since I was a child, since as long as I could remember my family has been awful. They care about nothing but money and social position. How my parents even reproduced is a mystery to me. I shudder just thinking about it. There is no passion in such wicked people. Just cold selfishness.
I'll admit that I'm a bit selfish myself but I'm nothing like them. It's because I refused to be like them I was cast out until they deemed me useful in their lives once more.
I don't want to think about that time. That night. That person. They don't deserve my attentions at all. That person can make even Namjoon and Taehyung look like saints.
No, I'll never let them even entertain my thoughts for a moment.
With resolve to stop thinking at all, I gather some fresh clothes and take a shower to calm my nerves. When I'm out, Namjoon is up and on the phone. It sounds like he's talking to Taehyung about business.
I quietly finish packing my bag while he does the same. Dropping the phone, he snatches my towel and heads to the bathroom to shower as well.
I watch him go with conflicted emotions. I really need to thank him properly for helping me with all this and defending me last night.
But I'm afraid to give him hope. Afraid that I'll crumble and give in and maybe...not properly assuage that hope. Why does his presence make me weaken my resolve?
What is wrong with me?
I'm snapped out of my troubled thoughts by a hand waving in my face. Blinking, I look up to see Namjoon's concerned face. When did he get out? So fast?
"Are you alright? You looked out of it?" He towels off his hair while slipping on his shirt. My eyes wander over his firm chest and muscles as he covers up without giving a thought of me here before him.
I clear my throat, awkwardly looking away. "I'm fine. Just tired, I guess."
Nodding, he tosses the towel absentmindedly in the laundry basket. "Are you ready to leave now?"
Nodding, I stand up and grab my bag but he takes it from my hand, holding it tightly and motioning for me to go ahead.
Empty handed and feeling odd, I lead him out of the room and down the stairs. Eomma and Noona are both standing at the door waiting with mixed expressions.
They glare at me while throwing cautious and longing looks at Namjoon. "Please, reconsider helping your mate's family. We are simple women that need assistance."
I lower my head, anger coursing through me at their shameless act.
Namjoon places a hand gently on my shoulder. "From my stance, you two strong and arrogant women are more than able of caring for yourselves and doing what needs to be done. I'm telling you now—never contact or harass Jimin again. I will be there to protect him from such evil minded bitches. He's moved on and made a life for himself. He doesn't need you bringing him down with you. If you ask me, this is your karma. You reap what you sow. This fate seems to be deserving. Perhaps you should learn what it's like to be thrown out of your home poor and with no where to go."
Tears spear my eyes and I feel him squeeze my shoulder. "W-we're leaving." Swallowing hard, I force my legs to move and together we walk out of my family home and towards Namjoon's car.
He helps me in silently before storing our bags. Climbing behind the wheel, he starts the car and begins driving down the long driveway leading away from the nightmares of my past.
Memories assault me, forcing me to relive more traumatic moments of my youth in that house. Abuse, violence, negligence, pain, cold...it was always so fucking cold.
My mind keeps racing and my blood pounds in my veins. I want to rip my hair out. Claw at my skin. I feel dirty. This place...makes me feel dirty. Useless. Weak.
"S-stop."
He looks over at me. "What?"
I raise my voice barely above a whisper, almost gasping. "Stop the car."
Hesitantly, he pulls the car over on the desolate road pretty much in the middle of nowhere.
"Jimin, are you—"
I launch myself across the seat and crash my lips against his. Surprise keeps him immobile as I climb into his lap and roughly take his face in my hands, kissing him violently, my tongue forcing its way inside his docile mouth.
Eventually, he regains his senses and moans, trailing his hands down my body and sides to my hips, gripping them tightly as he pulls me even closer against him.
Panting, I close my eyes and just feel. Ignoring everything else, I let myself just feel his strong warm body against mine, tasting his mouth as his hands find their way under my clothes.
Moaning, I jerk off his shirt and begin kissing my way down his neck and chest, licking and nipping on his nipples.
Huffing and hands gripping me full of desire, he forces my mouth back up to his, unzipping my jeans and fondling my straining erection out of my underwear.
Gasping breaths leave my throat as I fall into the remembered pleasure, sitting up and pulling my own shirt off, allowing him full access to my body.
He groans, trailing his hands and mouth all over, anywhere he can reach as I rock my ass against his crotch.
"M-more." I raps into my mouth. "Fuck me. Touch me more. Please."
His hands trail back up my body to cup my face, forcing me to look at him. "Jimin, do you really want this? I'm not forcing you—"
I wrap my arms around his neck, sucking on his ear. "I want it. I'm begging you to...please...just do it." I choke back tears. "Just do this for me, please. Don't talk."
Although his gaze is conflicted, he doesn't stop. He kisses me passionately while lifting me up to yank off my pants. I work his jeans open before lowering my naked body down and grinding hard. Skin on hot skin.
I don't want to think. Don't want to feel. Don't want to remember. I just need him to make it stop. I need him to keep me in the here and now.
I'm vaguely aware I'm using him to save myself but I can't stop it. I need this.
I trust him.
"Jimin." He groans in my ear, groping my ass as I ride in his lap. The steering wheel digging into my back but I hardly feel it.
"I-inside. Put it inside me." I whimper against his lips.
Panting and sweating, pheromones invading both our senses, he hastily prepares me before sinking his cock deep inside me. I cry out loudly, clutching his shoulders as the pain and pleasure mingle together. I force myself even deeper, impaling myself until I can sink no further.
It's been so long.
Clenching my eyes shut, I allow his mouth to roam freely on my face and neck as I ride his dick fast and hard. I grip the armrest and shoulder for leverage as I tiredly work up my impending orgasm.
Swallowing his hot breath, I struggle to breathe properly as he lifts my ass and thrusts frantically from below. It's a frenzied hot mess. Both of us acting on instinct and pure lust. I scream, my ass sucking him in tight as I cum, my entire body trembling from the shocking burst of pleasure I haven't tasted in years.
Groaning, he bites my lip hard as he cums inside me, holding me still and in place as he fills me up. His cock twitching and pulsing against my sensitive inner walls. I wail, shuddering out another weak orgasm.
Shaking and overly hot, our loud harsh panting mingle together in the small car. Releasing a deep breath, he caresses my face before gently pulling my head down to rest on his shoulder.
Tears spill over and I can no longer hold the loud sobs wracking thorough my entire body, ripping free from my throat.
He holds me without a word, rocking me like a child in his arms while surreptitiously cleaning me and helping me put my clothes back on.
I'm tired. So tired. I just want to forget everything and start over. The pain in my chest becomes more pronounced as I open my eyes to see the ring Jaehyun gave me shining back from the hand clutching Namjoon's neck tightly, stinging my eyes.
I'm no better than my pitiful excuse of a family. I'm a bad person. I deserve all the hardship brought down onto me.
"Jimin..." His voice is calm and soft in the silent car. His fingers gentle as they brush my hair out of my face. I don't bother to move off his lap or my head from his shoulder. My tears slowly sinking into his skin and drying there.
I feel safe here. It's ironic, the one place that used to give me such terror and pain now...somehow has become my solace.
"I'm s-sorry." My voice breaks, rough and scratchy from crying.
"Don't apologize." He pauses, rubbing my back in soothing calming circles. "Will you please tell me what's wrong? What happened at that place to make you like this?"
I press my lips into a hard line not wanting to speak but...I owe it to him. He should know why I'm like this. Why he's tangled up in my jumbled mental insanity.
"When I was younger...my parents tried to sell me. Although I'm a beta, I looked and acted more like an omega. They thought they could trick a rich and powerful person into buying me and...and..." I pause, shivering.
His hand stops on my back. "And?"
"That person was evil. He just wanted to break me. To abuse me and force me to do terrible things for his pleasure and then excused it all by saying it was his right because he paid for it. For me."
"God...Jimin..."
"I told my eomma and begged her to reconsider. I didn't want that and I couldn't hide the fact that I wasn't an omega for long...d-do you know what her response was?" I laugh bitterly. "She slapped me and told me to do my duty to our family and remain in his care no matter what cruelties came upon me. It was my worth to the family as I wasn't an alpha or an omega...I was essentially useless."
He tightens his arms around me. "That's why when you left...you pretended your were an alpha for so long?"
I nod. "Y-yeah. Pretending to be an alpha made me feel like I had some actual value."
He pulls back to look into my eyes. "Jimin, I've always saw your value. You've never been useless or worthless. You deserve so much more." He looks away. "I can never take back what I did to you. I'm no better than the man that abused you in the past...god, I hate myself even more now."
I shake my head. "You're nothing like him. You never really actively sought to hurt me. Yes, you used me and scared me sometimes and stalked me but...I always knew you just wanted me. Not craving to hurt or abuse me. It's different and I know that."
"Still...it wasn't okay. I won't forgive myself for it."
Somehow, I find a small smile sliding across my face despite the circumstances. "I forgive you. Can we just forget the past and start over?"
"...can we do that?"
Reluctantly, I release myself from his arms and awkwardly get off him, sliding back into the passenger seat and staring out of the window. It's embarrassing now—my loss of control.
I can feel his cum leaking into my underwear as I shift to find a comfortable spot. "Can't we?"
Without another word, he starts the car back up and begins driving us back towards home. "I know...this doesn't mean you accept me. You still plan on being with that kid, right?"
I flinch, my fingers clenching around the ring on my finger. My heart stuttering just a bit. Why am I upset? "Why wouldn't I be with him?"
I feel his gaze on me but refuse to meet it, choosing to burn a hole in the window instead.
He laughs suddenly but I can sense little humor in it. "Yeah. Why not, indeed, huh?"
I'm really...a bad person.