The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Reflection

Jimin

"Are you sure you're okay meeting me this late? Aren't you tired from the drive? I could have waited."
I force a shaky smile and squeeze Jaehyun's hand. "I'm fine, really. I m-missed you." I'm awful. I'm a liar. A cheater. Oh god, I feel sick. This is bad. I want to tell him the truth but I can't. I'm afraid. He's so good to me. I don't want him to look at me with disgust and leave me. I'm pathetic.
      I had sex with Namjoon.
I can't blame it on anyone but myself, either. I took it too far. I was in no way forced. All me. If anything I guilted him into it. I'm a monster...
"Baby? You okay?" He rubs my shoulders. "You cold?"
"I'm okay." Just ashamed of myself. Ugh. "I'm a little hungry. Can we grab some food?"
He smiles widely. "Of course. Let's go—my treat."
He takes me to a nice restaurant and orders us some wine. "Order anything you like."
I eye them expensive menu. "Are you sure you can afford this? I can get my own."
He pretends to pout, caressing my bottom lip. "I can afford it. Anything to make you keep smiling happy at me like that. Don't worry."
Grinning, feeling a little more normal, I order my meal and sip my wine. I notice him checking his phone more than usual. "Everything okay?"
His eyes snap up to meet mine. "Yeah! Just some problems with an assignment. I'm waiting for one of my classmates to message me back about it. Group project."
"Ah. Sorry. You're really busy, aren't you?"
"Yeah, but I always have time for you, Jimin. No worries." He reaches under the table to squeeze my thigh. I flinch, surprised.
He raises a brow in surprise. "You okay? You've been off since we met up. Need to talk?"
I look away. "No. Just had a bad time going on my trip. I knew it would be unpleasant and I wasn't disappointed on that front." That's half true, at least.
"I really wish you would have asked me to come. I would have helped any way I could."
"It's fine. You have class and a job you can't just abandon for a couple days."
"I get it but next trip—I want it to be just us, okay?" He reaches over and takes my hand, squeezing my fingers and kissing the ring he put on me. "I hate missing any time with you, you know? I get anxious when I can't see you. I know you're not an omega but you're just so small and cute...it could be dangerous for you."
I run a hand through my hair, biting my lip. "I'm not that incapable. I can take care of myself."
"I didn't mean it like that, baby. I just...don't like the thought of others taking advantage of you, you know? It could happen.."
I snort. "I think that's just your thinking as an alpha. Just because I am not one doesn't mean I'm that weak."
His eyes darken as they roam over me from head to toe and back up. He leans forward and pecks my lips. "You're too cute, babe."
I blush. "Stop."
Our food comes and we eat, talking and enjoying the atmosphere. He walks me up to my apartment, staring at the door. "Is Ryujin staying with her father tonight?"
A nervousness comes over me. "Y-yeah. Want to come in?"
His smile is quick and mischievous and he nods. Stepping forward, he pins me to the door and kisses me, grasping my hips. The kiss isn't aggressive or rough. It's soft and sweet and full of held back passion...
His hand slips into my back pocket, groping my ass. I shudder but before I can say anything, he pulls out my house key. Grinning, he opens the door and pulls me inside.
Our bodies slam down onto the couch as he forces me onto his lap, sucking and biting on my neck. His hand tugging my shirt to the side for better access, a finger rubbing over my nipple causing me to shiver. "I missed you, Jimin. You smell and taste so good. Did you miss me, too?" He groans, grinding his hard groin up between my legs.
I close my eyes and try to regain control of the situation. This is very unlike Jaehyun. Sure, he's pushy and a little arrogant but usually always considerate of my needs or what I'm not ready for. He doesn't rush me sexually—just emotionally.
I pull back and cup his face, trying to cool him down. He pants up at me, somehow managing to capture my lips again, his tongue tangling with my own.
"J-Jaehyun...mhmmm...s-st..op...".
He does. Taking a deep breath, he audibly counts backwards from ten before looking at me again and smiling shamefaced. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that."
I smile back. "You didn't. I'm just not—"
"Not ready. I know. Fuck, I messed up, right?" He gently eases me off his lap and rubs my knee. "I didn't mean to take it that far. I just wanted to kiss you goodnight. Sorry."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I'm not able to do that with you yet."
Yeah because you had to become an emotional wreck and a dirty slut and fuck your ex mate in his car! God!
"Don't apologize. It's fine—"
He's cut off by his phone chiming. His eyes darken a bit as he reads through his messages.
I don't want to pry. "Is it your classmate?"
He looks back at me, lips curing into a smile. "Yeah. He finally got back to me. I have to go." He gets up but leans down to kiss me one last time. "I'll see you in the morning, baby. I'll take you to work before I head to class, okay? Sleep well."
He's gone before I can reply.
Sighing, I drop back onto the couch and stare at the ceiling. What am I doing? I want to be with Jaehyun but is it really fair to him when I keep doing stupid things and thinking stupid things about Namjoon?
Jaehyun has done so much to make me happy despite knowing I'm a single parent and struggling. He's chosen to be with me. Yeah, he's a little obsessive and possessive about me being his but he hasn't tried to exercise his alpha rights and force a mating on me or sex which is rare....
Is it because I'm a beta? He says he's fine I'm not an omega but is that really true? Most alphas want an omega. Namjoon and Jaehyun are very weird exceptions...it's not the norm to want a beta like me.
I don't know. I hope he doesn't change his mind about wanting me but at the same time maybe I should let him go. I want to be his and faithful but...
I just can't let what happened with Namjoon ever happen again. I won't. I'll be good and next time I'm alone with Jae? I'm going to let him make love to me. He's earned it and it's time I stop being a selfish prude in this relationship.
He's given me all of him—I can give him all of me.