Xavier (Sugar Baby 2) ✔️

#eighteenth: guilty

I couldn't sleep that night.

I lay in my bed restlessly gazing up at the dark ceiling. My heart was conflicted. The way it had reacted, the way my body had reacted, everything made it clear that I had a massive crush on Caleb Kingsley.

Was it possible? What were my feelings for Gray then?

Everytime I was with him, everything was perfect. I loved it when we touched. Made love. Even hearing his voice gave me butterflies. And yet, I couldn't deny it to myself that I wanted Caleb. Maybe, it was just physical, but that didn't make me feel any less guilty. Should I tell Gray what I was feeling? Should I tell him about the kiss?

But, it hadn't been just a kiss.

He had set my body on fire. I had wanted more. I knew he had wanted more. The sexual tension between us had turned into palpable heat, and I was afraid I would give in.

A dark, disgusting voice in the back of my head whispered. Would it be so bad if I gave in?

It would also be easier. So much easier.

If I wasn't with Gray, I wouldn't have waited a heartbeat to accept Caleb. He was a dream. For lack of a better term, a fucking wet dream. His curly hair, dazzling smile, alluring eyes, his intelligence, charisma. He had the ability to put me at ease, even though I hadn't known him for long. I could picture being with him.

I took a shuddering breath.

I'm a fucking monster.

Grayson had been nothing but nice to me. I knew he had flaws. I knew he was sometimes overbearing. But I still loved him. He knew me inside out and he still chose to love me. He had been there for me. And now...

Was I falling out of love with him?

No way. No fucking way.

It was only back at the university that I felt like I was getting obsessed with Caleb. I was just being immature. Caleb was just a crush. Those fucked up feelings would go away. They had to.

I reached for my phone, my heart hammering in my chest. Gray hadn't called ever since I had rebuked him hours ago. I wondered if I had been too harsh. The phone rang seven times before I hung up, frustrated. My stomach knotted uncomfortably. Was he ghosting me now?

I called him again. Again. No response.

It wasn't like Gray to do this. Everytime I had yelled or fought, he had always been patient. Understanding. Even if I was being irrational, immature.

I tried for a fourth time, sitting straight in my bed, my heart hammering. I gazed over at where Jem lay peacefully asleep. I bit my lip, taking deep breaths and praying he would pick up the phone. Finally, he did.

"Gray," I spoke breathlessly. "Are you ok-"

My blood ran cold when a loud female voice called from behind him. A horrifyingly familiar voice.

"Grayyyy, come onnnn! You never dance with me now...." a very drunk Victoria groaned. "Comeee babyyyy."

He sighed. "Xav, I'll call you later, okay? I have a situation going on here. I'm sorry. I love you."

He paused, as if waiting for me to reply. I hung up, throwing the phone angrily on the mattress. I didn't know what situation he was referring to. But I didn't feel too good about him being with a drunk ex. One like Victoria. What twisted game was she playing? Did she suddenly want him back?

I got to my feet, anger raging through me and glared at my cell phone as if it had personally harmed me. I took it and placed it in my pocket. My heart thudded violently in my chest, my blood pounding in my ears. I was barely thinking when I went to the door and opened it.