Slay

Ho-Ho-Homicide

"Santa?" Robyn edged towards the locked room that held Santa, keeping the desk between her and Mrs Claus. Her hand slipped into her pocket. "Santa Claus? Christmas guy? Red suit? Never heard of him! Next thing you'll - you'll be asking if I mugged the Tooth Fairy!"

Silently as a snow leopard on the hunt, Mrs Claus lunged forward. Robyn's pocket knife skidded away along the tarmac. Mrs Claus grabbed her by the shoulder, one knitting needle hovering at her throat.

"What have you done with my husband?"

"I - I-" Robyn clutched desperately at the knitting needle. A small tooth fell out of her pocket. "He's-," Her eyes flicked over Eiden in the sleigh, holding back the reindeer; Ivy looking suspiciously unthreatening, Ava charging in, Noel's resigned entrance, and returned to Mrs Claus's face, which burned with icy fury.

"I don't have him!" she blurted out. "You can check - you can search everywhere. Here-," Robyn fumbled in her pocket, producing a set of keys, "you can unlock everything. Anything. He's not here - I don't - how could I even have got him here? You can look!" 

Mrs Claus tossed the keys to Ivy. "Search the place. I'll make sure she doesn't escape. Now!"

"Yes, ma'am!" She scurried off. 

Ava ran to intercept her. "There - by the stairwell, that room, it's locked, check there first!"

"Noel?" Ivy stood on tiptoes to look over Ava's blonde head at her colleague. "Who's this?"

"Oh, don't you remember?" said Noel. "You crashed through her bedroom ceiling, apparently."

Ivy flinched. "It's hard to forget, sir. The... fake Robyn?"

"No, Ava! My name's Ava. I'm here to help you rescue Santa," the girl called from across the parking lot, where she was pulling rubble and debris away from the door she had indicated.

Ivy sighed. Babysitting, now? Well, she supposed it could be worse. Couldn't hurt to take Ava's advice. She crossed the room. The door unlocked after three tries, opening onto a small store-cupboard.

Wooden shelves stacked with explosives. Bare concrete floor. A distinct absence of Santa.

Ava slipped inside after her, gazing wide-eyed at the shelves' contents. "Whoa. Christmas came early!"

"Actually, it always comes around now." Ivy turned, leaving to search the rest of the parking lot.

"Can - can I search this room?" said Ava.

"Just be careful!" replied Ivy. "Noel? Could you please help me? Check that side. I'll take the stairs, sir."

The stairs were equally Saint Nick-less, as were the unfinished bathrooms. She began to wonder whether he was stashed in some hideaway elsewhere; how could one teenage girl transport a (presumably unconscious) man across the city without being somewhat conspicuous?

"Guys? Guys, I found something-" It was the girl, Ava, holding something bright red which unfolded into a rectangle of fabric roughly the size of a rubbish bag. 

The sack!

Ivy hurried over to Mrs Claus, who had secured Robyn's hands with some kind of hastily knitted - or possibly crocheted - handcuffs.

"The sack." said Mrs Claus. "This proves you kidnapped him. Where is Nicholas?"

Robyn remained silent.

"It was stuffed up onto one of the shelves," said Ava. "Is it empty? Where are all the presents?"

Well, that girl certainly had her priorities straight.

"It always appears empty, regardless of its contents." Ivy explained. "It can hold anything. Quite a powerful artifact. It is incredibly useful, although one doesn't want to mess with it-"

Ava had already stuck her hand inside. She pulled out what appeared to be a lump of coal. "Ooh!"

"If you're gonna burn that, do it outside," Noel said. He broke off, staring at the sack. "Holds anything... I don't suppose that Santa Claus counts as anything, right? "

Ivy, Noel, and Mrs Claus reached the same conclusion simultaneously. Mrs Claus ran forward, snatched the sack from Ava, and turned it upside down. She muttered something and reached inside it. 

A large man in a red coat fell out of the sack.

Santa landed, sitting on the tarmac, and looked around in panic. "Where- Martha?"

"Nick!" Mrs Claus flung her arms around him, and he hugged her in return.

"I knew you'd get me out of there!" He smiled, a jovial grin. "Thank you for rescuing me, dear. Now..." He looked around. "Where are we? If someone could catch me up... not a lot of news channels inside a sack, you know..."

"That-" Mrs Claus gestured to Robyn, "that little - she kidnapped you, held you for ransom, and exposed our existence to news feeds worldwide when I refused to hand over our magic!" She snorted. "Hand it over. As if just anyone could use it!"

"Anyway, sir," interjected Ivy, "several armies are currently beseiging the Pole, and since you're the current magic-wielder, sir, it would help if you lent a hand. We should leave right away, if possible, sir."

"Oh. Oh, deary me. Indeed we must." Santa stood up, helped by Mrs Claus, and dusted off his scarlet suit. "First, though - the mortal child? Robyn? The usual mindwipe, I presume."

Next to Ivy, Ava flinched, her eyes darting to the discarded red sack.

Santa scratched one of the reindeer under its chin. "Who's a good boy?  We can drop her off at - who's a cutesie flying deer, you are! -" he consulted a list from his pocket, "Beverly Hills - oh yes, you are! - on the way."

He pointed a finger at Robyn. Her eyes slid closed, and she slumped forwards onto the sleigh's dashboard.

"All aboard!" Picking up his sack, he mounted the sleigh, replacing Eiden in the driver's seat. Ivy, Noel, and Mrs Claus followed him. 

Before they left, Ivy's eyes searched the parking lot for Ava, but she appeared to have vanished.

-----------------------------------

The blurred view from the side of the sleigh resolved itself into a grim depiction of tanks and batallions of people, standing out starkly against the snow. The Paranormal Activity Division had never been deployed before, and had no idea what to make of elves with barbed wire and sharpened-candy-cane dispensors. Most seemed reluctant to shoot with anything other than a camera.

Santa's sleigh elicited several screams as it swept over the barbed-wire fences to land in the enclosed courtyard. He dismounted hastily to meet Merry.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here! You're alive! You can mindwipe all those folks outside, and send them home! It's been a nightmare, you wouldn't believe - I had to call in everyone, Holly, Kevin, the reindeer-"

"You put Kevin," said Santa, "in charge of my reindeer?"

"Ah, yes. Funny story, actually, he, uh... well, he..."

Santa's brow furrowed. "Rudolph!" he called, in a booming voice. "Comet! Cupid! Dasher! Dancer-"

His words trailed away into a scream as the Slay hurtled down from the sky, a fiery comet of whirling blades. Ivy screamed. Noel cursed. Mrs Claus stood in frozen horror.

Scarlet stained the half-melted snow.