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{ 02.02 | ❝ you're alive (at least as far as i can tell). ❞ } — ❝ the demons told me everything they whisper in the night ❞
[ *·',·.°·*°. ]
It was the day of the concert that Sadie had been invited to by Caleb. His friend's band would be putting on some performance, and Sadie wasn't quite sure how she was feeling.
Was she excited? Was she nervous? Did she even want to go anymore? Did he actually not mind her going?
It was all that occupied her mind throughout the day as she went about like any other day of doing nothing. But then it didn't seem so important by the time she was checking through her emails and important messages for her upcoming photoshoots. At that point, her mind was wired up on something else entirely, and that familiar numbing feeling was back to replace all the feelings of bubbling nerves and excitement.
Sat by on her sofa, she had her elbows set atop her knees, long hair flowing freely over her shoulders. Her hand tightened her hold on the device as her eyes raked over the words, over the images, scrutinising everything. Sadie stared at her phone screen blankly, almost entirely numb at the photos of the wardrobe that was prepared for her photoshoot in the upcoming weeks. Somewhat revealing pieces of clothing. Showing off a lot more skin than she had been lately.
With a quick breath in, she squeezed her eyes shut tight. Her grip tightened unbearably as she felt her pulse quicken, already being able to hear the words clear as day.
Salads for the next two weeks. Can't risk gaining even two pounds by then.
She mentally created a list of things she would be cutting out to eat during this time, preparing for what she could eat. Her breath stopped shortly, then picked up at a rapid pace.
Are you sure you're thin enough? Are you sure you can pull off wearing all that?
The taunting voices repeated over and over, echoing loudly throughout the deep crevices of her mind until it was all she heard. Her eyes blinked open, but she couldn't focus her gaze onto anything as her eyes flitted everywhere. All she heard were the voices in her head, all she could feel was a suffocating numbness, feeling like she could never be enough but would always be too much to handle for anyone. She was nothing, she was not enough, she was replaceable.
Those words, it was all she was stuck on, like a broken record stuck repeating the same few seconds, as she waited for the sun to set.
