To Fall And Conquer (It Girls Series #2)

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Don’t Search For Them, They Will Find You

Exercise more, eat less. It’s not a healthy phrase but that’s what I’ve been doing ever since I’ve decided to lose weight. 

My parents were very supportive with it, especially my Mom. Binigyan pa nga ako ni Mommy ng mga DVDs na pwede kong panoorin as guide on my diet and work outs. Pati sa mga kinakain ko, she would ask the maids to prepare healthy meals for me, meals that would help me on my ‘healthy’ diet. Or so they thought. 

Because the ugly truth behind my successful weight loss is something that would never make my parents happy (especially my Mom) if they find out. 

My first try in working out instantly fueled my self consciousness. I was too focused with my goal that I didn’t let any muscle pain, hunger, and exhaust hinder me from going for it. I used to eat a lot but when I’ve decided to lose weight, I started eating lesser. 

What I mean less is really less. Hindi ako kumakain ng kanin, mas marami pa ang fluid intake ko kaysa sa solid food. 

Kumakain lang ako kapag talagang gutom na gutom na ako and the only food that I would intake to somehow ease the hunger that I have in my stomach are two pieces of wheat breads and a cup of hot coffee or milk sometimes. 

I was so desperate to see a change in my body that I treated food as an enemy. Pakiramdam ko sa tuwing kumakain ako ay hindi iyon nakakatulong para mabawasan ang timbang ko. 

It was a big struggle for me at first knowing how I’ve been in love with food (healthy or unhealthy) but as weeks pass by, the changes that I see in my body motivates me to keep striving harder and to eat lesser. 

My body type which is called the mesomorph also helped a lot to achieve my desired body. Mesomorph is a certain body type that easily loses weight and as well as gaining. Few famous models and actresses that have this type of body were Gigi Hadid, Adriana Lima, Jessica Alba, and Gal Gaddot. 

And everytime I work out and my brain starts telling me that I can’t, I always go on YouTube to watch some of the Victoria’s Fashion Show clips, imagining myself being one of those models confidently ramping there, loving every inch of my body without feeling any insecurity. 

Kung minsan nga ay rarampa pa ako sa harapan ng salamin while those girl power songs are banging on my speakers. It was effective and really empowering. 

That’s all I ever dreamed of. It’s to look at myself in front of the mirror seeing my real beauty instead of my insecurities. 

For years, I’ve been living being my body as my biggest flaw and insecurity. I was so tired of not being respected and always being treated like a fucking thin air just because of my weight. 

The society didn’t even give me a chance to love and appreciate what I have, it didn’t even made me realize that I can also be loved despite of my weight. 

The moment I lost weight, learned to fix myself, dress well, and walk with my chin up, people started noticing me. And did that made me happy? No. It just fueled the anger that I have in my chest. 

Bakit? Bakit kailangan munang may magbago sa akin bago nila ako bigyan ng respeto? They could have done that when I was still the fat Mona pero bakit ngayon lang nila ginagawa? 

Ah, of course. Standards. It’s just sad that people has to meet the society’s standards first in order for them to gain its respect. 

Tiningnan ko ang schedule na sinend nila group chat. Our room number was indicated there. Ilang araw bago uli mag-umpisa ang klase ay may gumawa na ng groupchat matapos ma irelease ang mga pangalan sa section namin.