Behind The Silence [Discontinued]

140503 AT DAWN

Please listen to the above song while reading. (Sorry for his moans in the start (tiring moans I mean))

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The world is waking up, Sun is rising, meeting Yoongi still working in mids of his studio of Genius Lab. Not only he is awake at that time, but he had also been working the whole night on making beats and lyrics, and what awaits him is another day of dance training with brief naps in between. The song starts with him deep breathing, some would say even groaning, but it is breathing of someone who had been working for a whole night and is very tired. Short after this little break, he is going back to work, and sounds of typing on the keyboard and first beats can be heard. Instantly his angry and desperate voice can be heard: severance from the world, the feeling of leaving home

He expresses his alienation from the world in a really unique way. What he insinuates could be also a form of derealization, something that many anxiety sufferers experience - feeling of being out of this reality, being in a dream-like state. Leaving home is not just leaving a place where he used to live, but also the whole world of things he got used to and all places where he felt comfortable. He feels far away from reality he is forced into to be able to pursue his dream of creating music and being a respected and admired person.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

(A/N: A kumamon plushie behind his chair! Kill me!!!!! He used to love it that time also?)

I hate consuming but my point of view is 19 years old, remembering my birthday a few years ago, which I spent at the trainee dormitory. If I see from there, basically my trainee life is 100 out of 100.

I didn't use to leave my room and kept working all day long for an uncertain goal in the future. The social phobia that came up, thanks to that, all of my connections died out.

My scores for trainee life are perfect but the scores I allowed to my social connection are zero. If my work goes well, my relationships suffer but when my relationships go well, my work suffers.

I don't have time for close friendships and lovers. Many think it was one of the excuses idols use to maintain their image.

I am afraid of losing my dream from my grip, so I hold onto it tightly and still work very hard to achieve it, like producing other songs for artists too.

I sacrificed part of myself, my connection to the normal world of being freely in many ways, exchanged it for stronger dreams of mine.

Talking about this I let out my anger freely. I had become devoid, not only of time to leave the dorm but was prisoned internally too. Its a frustration of being in a cage that is suffocating me but also the fear of taking a step outside to the world so unfamiliar build up in me.

I'm always preparing if I go to places. I hide the self that's behind my defensive posture.

I escaped the world and now I can't go back, because I became a stranger to it and the world isn't welcoming to those ran away pursuing happier days. I feel confined by my own desire to succeed.

The friends and family, whatever, they don't stay, just glance at my side as they pass by my arrows are still astray from the target called human connection.

Friends and family slowly started drifting away from me when I had cut all of my connections with the outside world.

They can't understand the suffering of tone who became unable to put up with the stress of social relations and of the one who is doing anything to go forward, putting all of his energy in making small steps toward my goals.

I lacked the support of people who were once close to me and had to find strength elsewhere.

I pretend I'm not lonely, I pretend I'm not suffering. I pretend I'm okay for no reason, meaninglessly, I pretend to be strong. Don't come over the wall I've put up in front of myself, don't throw me off this island in this wide sea.

(Fact: The title of the song is 140503 새벽에 (140503 at dawn), which is referred to as a date 3. of May of the year 2014, not long after BTS released Skool Luv Affair. The song is focused on him being occupied by his work to such an extent he forgot and lost all of the ability to interact with people, while he spends his days in a studio working and training.)