written and revised november 2018
turned in for a grade on november 29, 2018
without it
i would be somewhere
untold.
i would be away.
maybe a feather floating,
maybe an airplane
sinking in the sky.
i would be a victim of
my own demise.
i would be gone, probably.
maybe my mother would weep.
maybe she would scream—
wail an alarm sound
like the one in my head.
i would leave,
maybe with the monsters
maybe with the birds that
slit my skin.
maybe they'd fall from
my glassy eyes;
as tears.
as blood.
as remorse.
if the zoloft keeps me alive now,
what would've kept me then?
maybe the sky would
save me.
maybe the stars would
guide me.
would the birds ever
hesitate?
would they let my scars
heal?
maybe i would carry myself—
maybe i could turn my mind
into the sea
wash out the blaring thoughts
or maybe my mind would
remain a tsunami
up until the salty brine
swallowed me whole—
and drowned me of everything
as well as
a heartbeat.
