Let Me

07. "I'm here"

Flashback

||Chaerin's POV||

~

*Ring Ring*

"I heard, I'm coming over now. You want anything?" I hear Amber ask running, maybe to her car. I seems she just found out it had only been a day, but after I talked with the boys the initial shock was gone.

"Nothing, just come." I say with a monotone voice.

"Ok" 

*Beep*

When I heard about Sulli Keshi and I rushed to her house and we talked it out. Even though I'm a lot younger, since I understand that dark place, we would talk about it. We would also figure out ways to get out if that place. That's why she was like my older sister at SM. She's help me all through the way, with dancing, and Korean.

*Knock Knock*

She got here quicker than I thought, I didn't know it took that long to get here from her apartment, it always felt like forever getting there. I got up from my couch and lazily walked to the door twisting and pulling it open. Immediately I was engulfed into a  tight hug. 

"You wanna talk." She pulled away and looked me in the eye, with her hands on my shoulders, and a worried look on her face. Her actions matched with her words, it was sweet.

"couch." I said weakly, scared of bursting into tears if I said anymore. Her words and actions warmed my heart, but it still felt so cold like ice, I don't know what it means or needs. 

She took my hand and brought me over to the couch looking at me like she was longing for something. Probably a smile, I always had one on my face. But we both had no smiles, Amber and Keshi were extremely close, closer than me and Amber even though we went to the same company, when we'd hang out I would wonder why I come if I was just going to 3rd wheel with the two. Their relationship was strictly platonic, but they knew each other enough to be more.

"Hey, it's okay, let it out. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I swear." She said pulling me into a hug while she spoke her voice cracked showing me she was also holding back.

The hug made me feel warm, and safe. Reminding me of the good times we all had together. 

"You too, it's okay to cry." I tell her knowing this hurts her too. Almost like a facet had been opened the two of them started to cry, and whimper not wanting to let it all out. Wanting to be strong, for him.

For hours and hours the two of us sat there crying, the whimpers slowly turned to sobs, of sadness. I knew  should have been totally honest to her, and told her everything I felt, but I felt so weak saying it. My cries weren't even scratching the surface of what I wanted to do. In that moment I wanted to scream, yell and jump, but I couldn't I felt so helpless. 

"Chae you need to eat." Amber scolds me for the 10th time looking at me with a bowl of rice in her hands, begging me to eat. She had looked at my fridge and noticed that all of my food had gone bad in August. 

"That was two months ago!" she screamed holding the spoiled meat with a scrunched up face. 

So she took me to the convenience store and put the food in front of me, but I have a strict diet, and I just don't feel like eating. I feel so empty. 

"i miss him." I mutter out with no recollection of doing it. 

"I know you do, but you have to live for him now. I'm sorry, but you do. It's scary. I won't lie there is not a day I don't miss Sulli, but that doesn't mean I get to give up yet, for her I can't." She yells with hot tears streaming down her face and her hand running through her hair. 

"We can't do anything, but smile at the time we had with them and be happy for them." She continues pausing, as she chokes on her tears. 

"Why!" I scream back with tears welling my eyes

"We just have to." Amber says clenching her fists.

In the end the two of us started to cry again and decided to just eat at home. 

*click* 

There was numerous pictures taken that day of the two of us and Amber yelling at me was videotaped and was everywhere.

-Amber Liu breaks down                                               

-Amber Liu at convenience story with young girl

-Amber mourns the loss                                                 

-Unidentified girl seen with Amber Liu crying      

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It was headlining everywhere. Everyone wondering who am I. Quickly Pd-nim shut down the stories saying I was just a close friend helping in this time of need. It seemed to brush off but to he banned all photos of me since I'm a minor in his company.