neither of us will ever find the right words to explain how we feel about each other. it is not love, and it is not hate. it's similar to wanting, but just not enough. it's a bit like needing, but not there yet. and it's never the right reason. its all the colors at once. it's jealousy, it's memories, it's selfishness. it's not supposed to be like this. it's not supposed to be ok. i don't think i should be laughing at something that is so hurtful to you. the tears we shed are tears of opposite eyes, from the left and right. i worry about it, and i want you to know everything i have ever lied about. i don't think i need to tell you anything you don't already know. there isn't anything i can say that will redeem myself. but do i even have to? it seems the only one who thinks of me as the bad guy is me. we messed up, but we made up. i don't think there is anything wrong with the way you feel. and i wish someone could tell me the same thing right now. my thoughts are all over me. i don't feel like myself because when i look at you, i shouldn't regret it. the jealousy, the memories, the selfishness. and now the anger, the protectiveness, and the excitement. it's all messed up, and i don't know how we're going to make it up this time. i still believe that we feel the same in essence, under all the thin laughter and awkward cover ups. you would never have to be sad again if i could just be what you wanted.
r.k.
YOU ARE READING
VALOR
Poetry> there is a great courage in the face of danger; i need to find it. there is a great fulfillment in the face of longing; i need to find it. there is something i am missing and i need to find it. poetry and prose volume iii 2019-2020
