Beyond Our Lies

t h i r t y e i g h t

"I'm sorry."

I giggled at the coincidental response from the booth of us and he bit a smile back. It wasn't until Xander brought his tired eyes back to me that my nerves returned and I darted my eyes every other direction besides his.

It was silent for a moment before he sighed. "I'm sorry I got mad at you, June. Elijah told me you were scared and I just need you to know that no matter how angry I get, I would never hurt you." The forest in his eyes was calm and peaceful, unlike this morning.

"And, the only reason I did get mad was because this whole week you've been ignoring me and as soon as I think you aren't, you choose Elijah." The boy's voice quieted down near the end and I caught the hidden insecurities flowing through his body language and his words. He wasn't mad that I was just ignoring him, he was insecure about me choosing someone over him, just friends or not.

I gave a soft nod, showing I understood every word he spoke. Releasing a huge breath, I cleared my throat and took my turn to express my opinions. "I'm also sorry for ignoring you. It's really not what you think. Everytime I saw you, a ton of terrible thoughts about me flooded my mind and I just knew Elijah would be able to help me out with it. And he did."

"Why couldn't you talk to me? I would have listened. I've talked to you about my parents and everything. Do you just not... trust me, like you trust Elijah?"

A frown etched onto my lips and I immediately grasped his wrist, wanting to get his full attention. "Xander, I trust you so much, I really do. But with the problem I had, he was just easier to talk to because he relates and understands more than you. That is it, okay?"

I attempted to let go of his wrist but he instead intertwined our fingers. "Is it about the whole eating thing?" His voice was quiet, not wanting to offend me in any way. My brows furrowed as I stared at him. Why did Elijah want me to tell him if he was just going to do it himself? When Xander saw my expression, he added, "He didn't tell me anything if that's what you're thinking. I just remember that one day when he talked to you it was about you know, that."

My tense state relaxed as I let out a thankful sigh, causing the boy to titter. When a few seconds passed and I had yet to respond to him, he grazed his thumb across my skin, allowing it to distract me. The rough but soft touched feeling gave me comfort despite the intimidating and dark tattoos that ran across the sides of his fingers and knuckles.

"But yeah, it was because of that. It's just- I don't know. Everytime I saw you and blondie together it made me insecure, I guess. She has such a perfect body compared to mine and it was blatant you thought that too. I saw how you watched her at the party. I get that you have no reason to look at me like that, I just hated being around you because all I could hear inside my head was how much you wanted me to be her."

Xander stopped his thumbs movement and gazed at me. Peering at him with uncertainty, I was afraid he would get angered at my honesty. However, he held a frown while staring at me as if I was wrong about everything in the universe. "What? June, you are so beautiful. No matter what 'blondie' looks like, I would still pick you over her for eternity. And don't worry about how I watched her at the party, I wasn't sober and I was clearly out of it. If anything, that gaze should have been on you and only you."

With flushed cheeks, I smiled and nodded. He held out his arms and I leaped into them, showing him we were on good terms and could hopefully go back to normal, the normal before my insecurities took over. His chest rumbling made my grin permanent and I clung onto his shirt as he tightened his grasp on my waist, neither of us wanting to let go.

• • •

With the copious amount of time I had spent studying along with bonding with the guys and searching for other cities to live in, it had already landed on the last day of the semester. Besides my life being quite hectic than usual, most had returned to normal. Xander and I were just as close as before because he must have told something to blondie to get her to stop clinging to him, Raven has become one of the people in my close circle, and Sammy and Oliver have been acting very couple-like. It would be no surprise if they sat at our table, hand in hand.