If I Let Go

11

Melissa is silent and must realize I have a point. She loves facts more than anything else and rarely gives anyone the benefit of doubt. I sometimes wish I saw the world through a black and white vision like her.

I continue, "Also, I think he is having a hard time earning his father's trust. His dad retires in a few years and he is the only heir. He has been awfully hard on Mark since he quit med school and if word reaches him that Mark wants to switch campuses because he wants to date his lecturer, you can guess what will happen."

Melissa has been listening tentatively and shifts in her seat. "It's self explanatory then. He can like you but the need to seek approval from his father will always come first. If you ask me, he will make it sound like you are making him choose between his father and you.  Mark will let you think you are being selfish while you know deep down that you want to know where you stand. Darling, you don't want to be with a man like him."

As always, Melissa is right but I am not ready to give up hope yet.

"Do we have to be such pessimists? What if he actually doesn't give a shit what his folks think?"

"Shit. You really love him," Melissa states with a hint of amusement in her eyes.

"Of course I love him. That's why we are talking about him in the first place," I deadpan.

Melissa shakes her head, disappointed I am missing the point. "No. You think you he is different."

I exhale deeply and admit what I have been denying all along. "Yes and I am fully aware how much it complicates the situation."

"Something we both agree on," Melissa murmurs pitifully.

"On the flip side, it means Nathan did not paralyze any chance of me ever falling in love again," I joke.

Melissa doesn't reply immediately. My past relationship is a topic that Melissa rarely has anything nice to comment. It's like she partly blames me for putting up with Nathan's treatment in the first place.

From the time we were kids, my sister has always been a little rebel and can stand up for herself. It's only fitting that a part of her expected me to quit way before serious emotional damage could be done. When she later found out how I gave Nathan more chances than he deserved, she did not hide her disappointment and read me the riot act.

"Mark doesn't have to be your Mr. Right. You are only twenty five and still have a long way to go," she ignores my comment about Nathan. " There are plenty of fish in the sea, sister. You just have to be an apt fisher."
 
"A skill one cannot master quite easily."

"You can say that again."

I am quiet for the next few seconds and it's only the sound of Hayden playing Candy Crush filing the silence.

"You know, the easiest way to know where he stands with you is to use the oldest trick in the book. An ultimatum," Melissa says again, gently this time. "Love is not just about counting stars together and heartbeats. It is defined by how far someone will go to keep you. Remember, a good partner knows better than to get in the way of your dreams. He will find a way to make things work. So, all the best when you pluck up the courage to confront the dreamy guy."

I stare past her beaded hair and try to picture a situation where Mark and I have beaten all odds. It has to involve me having a fulfilling career and not something I just settle for because our feelings for one another put my teaching job in jeopardy. Mark has graduated and has inherited shares from his father. We are having a small church wedding.