Alley [Interactive]

Ending Two: Chapter One

'Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did except you.' - Unknown

"Are you at least staying in the country?" Santino asks, worry unconcealable in his voice. I look up at him and look into his big sad eyes, wishing I could make it better while still doing what's right for me.

"Of course. And I think I know where I am going to go." I say, sighing slightly and looking up to the ceiling. "I'm going to San Diego. Sebastian might find me eventually there but I know I will have time to just calm down properly there." I say. 

"Do you really think he will find you there?" He asks.

"Yeah, I never told him about Adrian's habit. I never told him anything really, so he must have dug himself, and I'd say hired someone to do so because it is so hard to find that stuff even as a family member." I explain. "I wouldn't be surprised if he hires someone to find me." I add.

"Then I think you should stay, if he will go that far I think it's not safe." He says seriously.

"No Santino." I say just as seriously but calmer. I am completely certain. "Already when I think of Seattle I think of Adrian, and it brings a wave of sadness. If Seattle becomes any sadder, if my home makes me feel even more sad, I won't be able to stay. I have to go. I'll carry mace if that helps." I say, giving him a small smile. He gives me a small smile and holds me again, stroking my hair.

"How are you getting down there?" He asks.

"I don't know." I say honestly. I don't really feel like traveling, quickest will be plane, but it might be easier to find me that way.

"Well, when you say goodbye to the others we can discuss if you can take a car, have a road trip." He suggests. He knows fully well that I won't take any of their cars but he wants me to stay at least long enough to say goodbye. I look long enough in his eyes to tell him I see through his plan but I nod, saying I will stay.

As expected, the boys don't want me to go just as much as Santino, but with watery eyes and a calm demeanor I get my point across and they back down. Gabriel is the only one I didn't expect to act like he is. He is simply in silent protest. He simply saw me, hugged me and sat down. As the boys begin to mumble their apprehensive agreement to me leaving, he stares at my knee, zoning out.

"Gabriel?" I ask, slight hope in my voice. I was hurt when he hung up on me, but I still want his okay, he means so much to me.

"I don't like it." He mumbles. "But I can't stop you." He adds. I stare at him, tears rolling down my cheeks as he refuses to look at me.

"I think we'll let you two talk." Santino says as he stands with the other boys. We stay silent as the boys go downstairs and keep silent for a minute as we wait for one of us to speak first.

"Are you angry at me?" I ask, the thought causing an ache in my chest.

"I don't want you to go." He says simply.

"It's more than that." I say. "Gabriel, please tell me what I've done. You know how much you mean to me. I can't have you angry at me." I say and cry properly again. "You're the closest thing I have to Adrian and I just can't handle it right now." I say honestly, putting my face in my hands and weeping.

"Shh." He says, standing and holding me, rubbing my back at the top of my head rests on his stomach. "I'm not angry at you." He says tiredly. "If anything, I expected you to be angry at me for hanging up on you."

"I know I can be a lot of work." I mumble.

"No Mija it's not that." He says. "I just can't handle hearing you sad, or in any way bad on the phone or anything like that because then I can't hold you and tell you you'll be alright." He says. "Like this I can hold you and soothe you and make things better but like that I am helpless. I never want to be helpless when it comes to helping you."

"Just hearing your voice makes me feel better." I say honestly, looking up at him and smiling. "But I understand." I say, giving him a small smile.

"I understand if you really have to go." He sighs. "And please call me if you need me. I'm sorry I hung up on you." 

"I do already feel better." I tell him with a smile. "I think I just need a week, max two to regroup and come back stronger. Then nothing will stop me from annoying you with my problems." I say, making him laugh. I smile and stand, hugging him properly. He kisses the top of my head and we stay there for a while.

"Take Adrian's car." He says.

"No, it's your car now." I say.

"And I want you to take it. It might make you come back quicker." He smiles. 

"Don't you need it?" I ask.

"No, Tía sorted out Lilly's school and I am in walking distance of everywhere I need to be. And it's not like I can't get a ride or use my motorbike." He says with a shrug. 

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Pack your things, I'll go get her." He says, kissing my forehead before going to get his car. 

I do as I am told and I pack my suitcase. To be honest I don't think I will be gone for that long. The drive is long so I'll have time to myself, I feel like I'll get most of the hard stuff out of the way like that. I just need time away to calm down, recover, and grow a little.

I say goodbye to the boys as Gabriel puts my bag in the car, hugging them all and making sure to hold Gabriel for longer. I wave goodbye to them and just go, ripping the Band-Aid off as quickly as possible. As soon as I get out of Seattle I begin to cry again, angry at the fact that it feels right to leave, it shouldn't feel right to leave my home. It's not fair.

I drive for hours, ruining my sleep schedule as I sleep though the day time rush hours and drive the rest. Sleeping in the car and buying gas station food to keep me going. As I drive, I sing, loud. I sing angry songs, sad songs, anything to get any emotion I feel out. Wanting to just relax when I get there.

About half way through my journey, as I lay in the back seats of the car to sleep for a few hours I get a message from Gabriel. Actually a few messages. I open then and see they're all voice messages.

"Hey Ali, thought these might help us seem not too far away." He says with a small chuckle at the end. I smile and press play on the next message.

"Yeah, that person was awful. Don't worry, we'll beat them up for you." He says. "Yeah!" The boys shout after he talks, making me giggle.

"Wow, what a funny anecdote, what else happened today?" Santino asks, making me smile.

"Where's food?" Axel asks, making me roll my eyes happily. "And beer?" Peter adds, making me giggle.

"Yes, I did get that reference from the musical you are currently interested in. Please tell me the entire plot, differences between the West End and Broadway productions, and sing all the songs." Gabriel says, making me blush.

The last message is all of the boys saying they love me which makes my heart sing. For a few minutes I listen to them all again and again to smile. But then another voice message is sent, and it's longer than the rest.

"Hey Ali, I know you're sad, or frustrated, or angry right now, but you are the strongest girl I know, and I know you can get through this. One day at a time, or one hour at a time or even one breath at a time, you're going to get through this. And even though I might not be right next to you, I will be waiting at the finish line, cheering you on. I love you."

I cry for about an hour because of that. Part of me thinks I don't deserve people who love me so much, part of me thinks I should just not go back so I don't have to worry them so much, but I push the thoughts away and listen to them all tell me they love me, because they do, and if it was the other way around it would be an honor to deal with their problems because I love them all so, so much. I need to get better for myself, and through that, help them.