Alley [Interactive]

Ending Two: The Last Chapter

'Letter writing is the only device for combining solitude with good company.' - Lord Byron

Tears roll down my eyes as I drive aimlessly today. Maybe it's because of my talk last night with Luke, but today is just one of the days I miss Adrian so much. He'd know what to do. He could make me feel better. But I guess that's the thing about missing someone, it's them you need.

I park beside Balboa theatre, the first theatre Adrian took me to, and I walk around the block a few times to calm down. Today is one of the days I'd spend in the boy's arms. Each one of them taking turns to comfort me. I know it sounds bad, but they started it. They went round, taking turns holding me and Tía when Adrian died, now it's routine when either of us feel like crap.

To be honest, as I sit on the step of the stage door, I think it's a good thing I am doing this alone. I need to be able to survive without my boys. It's not right to be so dependent on them. But being so close to them is something I will never try and change.

As the overwhelming feeling of loss disappears and the usual sadness that this still affects me so much settles in its place, I hear an echo of music coming from within the theatre. I walk around, seeing that there is no show on, I assume it's a rehearsal or maybe even an audition. I push open the door and step in, the music getting louder the further I walk in.

I sneak into the actual theatre, sitting in the back, ducking down as I watch people walk on stage. The front row has four people sitting in the middle and I automatically know it's auditions.

"Hailey Carpenter." A name is called. A girl, about my age, walks on stage, handing some sheet music to the pianist on the other side of the stage.

"Hailey Carpenter, auditioning for the role of Jenna. Singing You Matter To me." She says in a chirpy voice. I raise my eyebrows. If I was auditioning for Jenna I'd do a southern accent even before singing.

She begins to sing, and I am pleasantly surprised. She sings really well, but when she gets to the spoken part, she struggles with the accent, so I feel for her. Either way I instantly feel lighter here, at home.

With the lights on stage, I doubt they can see me, but as I begin to feel better I realize it's almost definitely illegal to be here, so while I can, I sneak back out and grab a coffee, walking around a little as I drink it.

Getting back in the car, I feel weirdly calm. So I drive to the place that's always at the back of my mind, where I lived for the first eight years of my life.

The small house is run down, bullet holes on the doors. The one floor bungalow is hardly big enough for two, let alone four. The grass that used to be there is gone, a few sparse, yellow blades in its place. Adrian never wanted to come back here, but I'm glad I'm here. That old grey house is just a house. It's barely a part of my past. I only remember good things to be honest. Well, the only clear memories are good. Laying in the back yard, counting stars with Adrian, playing in the grass. No place is perfect, but this place was my first home. And I appreciate it for that.

I drive back to the pier, walk to the end of it and lean on the barrier. The sea is calmer today, so I look down and stare at it. It's not the clearest water I've seen, but it is beautiful none the less. The longer I stare, the more I see drops in the surface of the water, small rings rippling out. I wipe under my eyes, I'm not crying. I look up just as a rumble is heard, and the heavens open up. People around me squeal and begin speed walking back down the pier, but I just stand straight, face up to the sky, close my eyes and just feel the rain.

I smile as the heavy drops of water hit me, gently massaging me. I feel the water begin to run rivers over my skin and I shake, droplets spraying off of me. Finally, I feel it all wash away, all of the sadness, fear, grief. I'm finally free. I laugh, wipe the water off of my face and push my hair back. I stretch and open my eyes to begin walking back to the car but something stops me, he stops me.