Chapter Two

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'Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." - James A Baldwin

I wake up to rain as I am pulled out of my dreamless sleep. I stare at the window as the rain rolls down the glass. I sigh and turn to watch it while Adrian's faint scent stays floating around me. We used to share this room until he moved out. I can still see the indentations on the carpet from his bed and a fainter one closer by from the shelf we had to separate us a bit. I sigh and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to feel like this anymore but I don't think I can move on; it would feel wrong.

"Ali, breakfast!" Tía shouts from downstairs. I tear myself from my bed and I put Adrian's hoodie back under my pillow. I redo the bun in my hair and walk slowly downstairs. The kitchen is fairly small but Tía always finds a way to make way too much food. I sit in the only other chair in front of Lilly as she eats a sausage dancing to a cartoon in her seat as she eats. I grunt slightly and rest my head on my arms as the want to go back to sleep begins to wash over me. "You look good." Tía laughs.

"I feel it." I mumble. She presses a warm plate against my shoulder and I jump slightly before laying back so she can put the plate in front of me. I stare at the food and push it around as I try and wake up.

"I signed you up for a small business class." Tía says. Finally, my ears prick up and I send her an annoyed questioning look.

"What?" I ask, unimpressed and getting pissed off.

"Cathleen told me at work. Ashwood Industries are holding a small business class for people either running or wanting to run a small business. They are getting their executives and other large business executives to hold a class and maybe a retreat too." She says.

"Why the f-hell would you do that?" I ask, trying to remain calm for Lilly. It's my business; why would she do that to me? "Do you think I am doing a bad job or something?" I ask, the thought cuts deep. It's Adrian's business, he loved it, it's mine now and I have to do a good job for him.

"No, no Chica." Tía says before sighing deeply. "I just think it would be a good idea to have that extra boost." She says. "It will be good for networking." She says in surrender as my glare intensifies doesn't faulter. I take a deep breath and run my hand over my hair.

"When is it?" I ask. I can't be annoyed at Tía, she means well. She smiles softly and forwards the email to me while checking the start date.

"Ay! It's tomorrow. Sorry Niña I was going to take you shopping for proper business clothes but I won't have the time. I thought it started next week." She says. I take a deep breath and shake my head casually.

"It's okay Tía. I'll be staying at the back and all black should be fine." I say as I pick at my food. She checks the time and rushes to get Lilly ready for school. Once ready they leave and I go back to bed. I check with the boys if they could open up depending on what happens tomorrow. Santino says he can and he can close tonight so I can sleep so I go to sleep until I have to get ready for work. I need to prepare for tomorrow too, at least work tonight will get me prepared for more human interaction.

Adrian always told me to take it one day at a time when I was scared about something, so that is what I am doing. I hum quietly to the music to make sure my worries stay away while I zone out pouring drinks.

I have gotten better, a bit more used to Adrian being gone over the past few weeks. I can't lie it makes me feel guilty. If I move on, I might forget; what kind of sister would I be then? After the boys play Adrian's song, I catch myself mainly pouring his favorite whiskey if people don't ask for a specific brand. Some people come back to the bar to tell me they like it so I feel better, I guess I keep him alive like this.

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