#UTLChapter5
**
Anxiety, check.
Needing to escape, check.
Feeling detached from the situation, check.
A sense of imminent doom, check na check.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano kabilis ang pahinga ko habang papalapit kami ng papalapit doon sa lawa sa sinasabi ni Ivan. Ang alam ko lang, nagpapawis na ang kamay ko sa kaba pero hindi niya pa din ako binibitawan. Hindi din naman ako pumapalag, ewan ko ba sa sarili ko.
"Nagsiswimming sila..." Bulong ko.
"Yup."
"A—Ayoko mag swimming," I said to him as I pulled my hand. Napatigil din siya sa paglakad at humarap sakin.
"Why not?"
"I don't have extra clothes with me," I reasoned out. Ofcourse may dala akong extrang damit, ayoko lang talagang magswimming sa mga ganyan dahil may phobia ako.
He looks like he was torn kung pipilitin niya pa ako o hahayaan na ko. As much as I want his attention, hindi ko talaga magagawa ang gusto niya. Takot ako, aminado naman ako.
"I'll just stay here," Sabi ko at naupo ako sa malaking bato 'di kalayuan doon sa lake. "Go on,"
"But you're my buddy system... and we're not supposed to split up."
Bakit...
Bakit kahit walang meaning 'yung sinabi niya, pakiramdam ko meron?
I stared at him for a second then I looked down. Ang sakit sa leeg kapag tititigan mo siya dahil ang tangkad niya tapos natatamaan pa ko ng sinag ng araw.
"Go have fun, I'll be right here," I said as I shooed him with my hands.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded.
"Okay, dito ka lang sa lilim para hindi ka mainitan." He genuinely said to me.
I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from saying anything. Kahit naman nerd ako, babae pa rin at marunong kiligin.
"I'll be back in an hour,"
I nodded at him and watch him dove in the lake with his friends.
He's so childish but I like him.
I liked him for all of those reasons, but I was also a bit envious of him. He had so many friends, and he was so likable. I always wondered what it would be like to be someone like him, someone like them.
They just... seem to enjoy life more, and they appear to be better at bouncing back when things do go wrong. I think that I'm more envious of their outlook than their actual extroversion, if that makes sense...
Not that I'm not happy with my status, I chose this life, I want this life. It just makes you wonder, you know, what could've been if I were like them? If I were friendly, if I weren't distant...
***
It's almost 8 pm when I decided to took a shower. Hindi ko kayang mahiga katabi ang mga kaklase ko at si Ivan nang amoy pawis dahil sa mga ginawa namin kaninang activities.
Almost 5 hours kaming naglaro ng hula hoop passing, relay race, human knot activity at kung ano ano pang games na kahit isa wala kaming naipanalong magpartner. God, I'm really not made for sports. Tama si Ivan, pang quiz bee lang ang laban ko at tama din siya na ang lampa lampa ko.
After a quick shower, kumuha ako ng isang libro sa bag ko para magbasa. Hindi pa kasi ako inaantok at magandang pampatulog ko ang mga libro ko.
Pero bago pa ko magsimula naramdaman ko na may nakatingin sakin kaya napaharap ako sa magkabilang gilid ko nang makita ko si Ivan.
