Surprise
"Is there something you wanna tell me, Dad?"
Ilang araw na ang nakalipas pagkatapos akong nakatanggap ng tawag sa kakilala ko sa pinapahanap kong impormasyon tungkol sa pagkamatay ng Mommy ko. Deep inside me, I know it wasn't just because she was sick. He told me that he wasn't able to find any information because someone was blocking him from getting one. But one thing he told me is that he discovered that my father was the person who was blocking us. So I decided to pay him a visit.
"What do you mean, darling?"
"Mom's death. Why are you trying to block me from getting any information?" I calmly said habang nakahawak ako sa bewang ko. But I know deep inside me I feel confused, irritated, and disappointed.
My father sighed. "Because there is no need for you to dig into it, darling."
"I want to, Pa. Why are you doing this?" Naguguluhan na talaga ako.
"Because it's all in the past!" Biglang tinaasan niya ako ng boses. Nabigla siya sa sarili niyang sinabi pero di kalaunan napabuntong-hininga nalang siya. "Your mother died of cancer. End of discussion."
"But Pa-"
"Ilang buwan na ang nakalipas. Palagi mong sinasariwa sa akin ang nangyari dahil sa patuloy mo pa ring pag-iimbestiga, Clarissa." Malungkot na sabi ng Papa ko.
Napayuko ako sa sinabi niya. Maybe he's right. "I'm sorry, Dad." Sabi ko bago ako umalis sa harapan niya.
----
They say the best places to think and unwind is going to places full of trees, or a beach. I decided to visit our old mansion again, where Pierre and I were ambushed-- and where I had the most memories with my Mother. Sa dating kwarto ko ay may terrace, where you can clearly see the colorful skies and the beautiful beach. Yes, may beach sa likod ng dati naming mansyon. Both of my elbows was leaning on the railing as I stare at the pinkish sky. Ma if you're there, please help me. Should I just stop looking for answers about your death? Seeing Dad hurting all over again because of what I'm doing hurts me too. It's as if a knife is being continuously stabbed in my heart. Maybe I should stop this. Maybe it's the time to let this go.e and my dad has been hurt because of my Mother's passing, and I know my father is trying to move forward. So I guess I should too.
A phone call from my boyfriend disrupted my thoughts.
[Hey, Vi. Where are you? You're not answering to my calls and texts, so I'm getting worried. Please tell me you're okay.]
Tinignan ko ulit ang phone ko. I received alot of missed calls and texts from him...and I didn't notice?
"I'm sorry, P. I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me."
[Where are you? Pupuntahan kita.]
"It's okay, no need to. Let's just see each other at my condominium."
[Okay.] He sighed on the other line.
"P?"
[Hmm?]
"Would you stop finding answers to questions you longed to find the truth about, if you know you'll be hurting a loved one in the process?"
It took a while before he answered. [ I can't really answer that, love. I guess you have to ask yourself-- what do you value more? The loved one that you'll be hurting, or the answer to your question?]
