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The next morning was colder than the lasts. More days passed and everything was quiet in the mountain. The monks would greet me on morning, making sure that I was clearly taken well care of.
There was no day that I won't visit the bridge. Waiting for a particular someone to walk down that long path and come to me.
I wanted to see Jungkook so badly. I am missing him as days passed by.
My hand caress the growing bump in my stomach. Remembering what the Uinyeo said a week before.
I am pregnant. Again.
For the second time I was given a chance to be a mother. But am I ready? Well, no one was born ready. My mother weren't ready when she became pregnant for my brother, and then I came, and then we have another brother. She wasn't ready when we first walk, we first talk, we first write. She was not ready, but she overcome all of those firsts.
Maybe now that it was my second chance, perhaps I'll be able to handle it than the last.
I was reckless before, something that I shouldn't be, now.
A sigh left my lips.
Fears starts to creep in again.
I am pregnant of the King's child. The rightful heir of the throne. And I am here. Far from the palace where the Prince should grow. I am here, powerless. How will I protect my child alone?
"It's cold, let's go back now." Jimin said from behind me. Another sigh left my lips before I turn to him and gave him a small smile.
After all that happened, he's still here. With me. After all those broken confessions and painful rejections, he's still here.
"I've caused you enough damage..." I trailed, "But why are you still with me?" It must be the pregnancy talking. I've been feeling quite emotional these days, accompanied by constant dizziness and nausea.
Jimin stared, his lips was pursed in thin lines. He must be thinking on what to say.
"Jimin," I called when he took long. But he only smiled, looking away.
"Loyalty," He sighed, "comes from love." I lowered my gaze. "I love you, and so I stay." He whispered, but it reached me. "But the pain...it makes me wants to back out." His voice broke.
That night, Jimin did not stay in our hanok. He go down the mountain with Woo Shik, they said they have things to handle on the village. Leaving me again in the care of the monks and the company of only Lady Suk and Ji Seok.
Lady Suk handed me a ginger and mint tea. She did them herself. "Drink it, it will help lessen the sickness, My Lady." She would often say. I took it and smiled.
They were so careful of me, especially Lady Suk. I feel like it has something to do with my past pregnancy. Well, I, too, would not allow the same mistake to take place. I will protect my child, like how a mother should.
"The moon was alive, don't you think, Ji Seok. What a beautiful sight." I muttered when Lady Suk left to prepare our dinner, leaving me on the porch of the Hanok with Ji Seok. She was busy cleaning her sword before turning to look at me, a smile plastered in her lips.
"Yes it is such a beauty, Young Lady." She said and I laugh.
"The moon, Ji Seok. The moon, not me." I chuckled. Her smile grew wider at what I said. I know she's just trying to lighten the mood surrounding the two of us.
She turn her gaze to the moon, following my vision, and her smile did not left.
It was a full moon. It was so bright, so big, so beautiful. I suddenly felt nostalgic.
"I remember, when I was a kid, I would watch the moon in the porch of our Hanok. Then when I stayed in the palace for the competition of Crown Princess, I would be on the Eunwolgak every full moon, Jungkook beside me, we're watching the moon together." The memories crashes back in my head, making me laugh.
Ji Seok sighed, I could feel her gaze on me, but I did not look back.
"Was it painful?" She asked. That's the only time I turn to her.
"What is?" I asked.
"To love? Was it painful to love?" She asked in monotone. Voice a little lower, as if afraid to ask me the question.
She's young, Ji Seok is young and she haven't figure love out. At least not yet.
I smiled, "Love is always accompanied by pain." I said, "If you never felt pain while loving someone, then it wasn't love."
"How can you do that?" She asked again, forehead creasing, eyes shaking. She couldn't look me straight to my eyes, she kept avoiding my gaze. "How can you stay for someone who turned his back against you?" I can hear the anger behind her words, but I reminded myself, Ji Seok is young. There are things she haven't get to understand yet. And so is Jungkook. That's why I'll often put myself in their shoe, before I judge them.
Pregnancy really do wonders, huh? I was never this sympathetic. That thought make me want to laugh.
"Simple, Ji Seok..I trust him." I trust him so much, that I could surpass any kind of pain, just to be with him. I trust Jungkook so much that I was willing to wait, no matter how long. I will wait for him, even if he'll take thousands of years to come back.
If I am still the woman that I was, the Queen that was blinded by love, power, and hatred. I wouldn't be saying these. But then again, I'm not a Queen right now, nor was the Crown Princess. Because right now, I am a woman, and soon, a mother.
Where was the once ruthless Queen? Probably dead somewhere inside me.
A/N: a short update while I am trying to get my creativity back. Writer's block sucks! :((((
