La Maison 2: Differences (Complete: BDSM mxm)

March 6

François

I get up early, as usual, doing two hours in the gym, pushing myself even harder than normal, before I shower and make breakfast. The pancakes are cooked to perfection as Ellis pads down the stairs, wearing only a loose pair of cotton pajama pants, that allow his rippling abs to be on display. I stare, unable to prevent myself from licking my lips, letting out an unintentional growl that makes Ellis giggle, but he looks down immediately, a bright flush across his cheeks.

"I made pancakes, Ellis," God, I'm nervous, fearful of his reaction, "here, sit at the breakfast bar...if you want, if it's comfortable..."

"Thank you, Ma- Si- , thank you." I hate that Ellis doesn't know what to call me.

"Hey, Ellis, you can just say my name."

"You say that..." he fades off, blushing again. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure-,"

The guilt I feel is absolute. How can I have turned my once confident, proud boy into this uncertain wreck of a man without even noticing? Damn. Worse than not noticing, I actually thought I was doing him good. I was so blind.

"Ellis. I've been so foolish. I know it will take you time to trust me again, but you need to know that I love you, more than anything or anyone. I messed up, and I can't promise that I won't mess up again, but I can promise you that I won't punish you for being yourself with me. We'll have to revisit all our old rules later, but for now, I'm determined that we'll follow Gray's rules instead. You don't have to fear what you say."

His cerulean eyes are wide, still untrusting, and I wait, tense, for his response.

"I hear you. It will take time, I think. I've got so used to- to the way we did things. I want to call you by your name, but it feels really formal. I'd love a nickname, like, uh, Gray has. But I can't call you Frankie, because that's his and- and Landon's, and it's special between the three of you. And, even though I have occasionally called you François it doesn't feel natural anymore."

"Well, what do you want to call me?"

"I don't know, I guess I want something that's organic, but because I've got so used to calling you Sir and Master nothing is coming."

I hate that, the fact that he can't even use my name – that my behavior toward him has made it feel wrong in his mouth. And I know it's that, rather than his claims of formality. When we first dated he was happy to use it, happy to introduce me with it when announcing me as his boyfriend to his friends. 'Sir' was kept for playtime, for the bedroom, for when we were alone. And it was fun – there was always a little cheeky lilt to his voice when he used it.

I do have something that may salve some of the wound I've created.

"Well, there is one thing, that no one knows about. When I was little, I was really close to my grandmother. She had a nickname for me: Suzu. No one else has ever called me that, and, well, I'd like it if you were the one who brought it back."

"Suzu," Ellis whispers, vibrating the zee, making goosebumps rise on my neck, making me desperate to reach out to him. But I have to hold back. "Okay, I like it. It feels nice in my mouth." I gulp, sitting heavily and taking a sip of coffee.

"What are your plans for today?"

"Can I- I mean, I'm going to go to the Conservatory, there's a freshman practice I want to help with, and then I'm going to spend the afternoon with the guys, go for lunch." Yup, there's definitely a spark of jealousy. I have always been a jealous, possessive guy. That's one reason why I've always thought I was such a good Dom, always able to make the sub I'm working with feel like they matter. But it's also one of the reasons, beside the fact that no one had properly sparked me until Ellis came along, that I haven't had a relationship before. I know my possessiveness can be a problem – as evidenced by the fact that I've been treating Ellis like a thing, like a child, like something that has no autonomy. I kick myself again. I know how close I've been coming to losing the best thing in my life.

A/N: he'll get there, if it kills him