La Maison 2: Differences (Complete: BDSM mxm)

April 10

Ellis

The sun's vicious rays drive me out of bed when I would have loved to have snuggled up and fallen back to sleep for more happy dreams. It was the best night's sleep, possibly ever. We didn't go hard – except for in a literal sense – Suzu only teased me a bit for the second round and he went all out with aftercare – way more than was actually necessary, but I wasn't arguing with him running me a bath and feeding me chocolate dipped strawberries. I aint completely dumb.

And even if he's not in bed, of course – too busy running the world – it still smells like him. But the sun is making me thirsty, and I think I can smell bacon, so I reluctantly drag myself out of bed. If I ask very nicely, maybe Suzu will come shower with me after breakfast.

"I haven't forgotten, you know."

"Morning to you, too."

He growls a little at my cheek, but I snuggle into his side while he flips the last pancake.

"Morning, baby. Did you sleep well?"

"The best. Thank you."

"It was my pleasure. All of it. But I haven't forgotten," he repeats sternly.

"I have, what do you mean, Sir?"

"You are going to learn how to safeword." I shiver at that, because I know how this goes, and if he's going to push me until I'm forced to safeword, the bright spring sky aint looking so cheerful anymore.

"How, Sir?" I risk, squeezing the syrup bottle once to get just a fine layer of the sticky sweetness on my perfect, fluffy pancake.

"I rang Gray. You're going for lunch with Owen."

Well, that isn't exactly what I was expecting, but it works for me.

* * * * *

"How was your date?"

Owen twists his lips uncertainly.

"That bad, huh?"

"Fuck. No. Not bad at all. Really good actually. He's great, honestly."

Owen had a date with Gray's friend Amir. I know he'd rather have just signed a new contract with Gray, but Gray refused when Owen suggested it, and Owen is seriously put out by that.

"Are you signing a contract with him?"

"He's perfect. Really he is. It isn't bad that I'm going to do it, is it?"

Bless him, seeking assurance from me, of all people. As if I'm a good person to understand how someone should look after themselves. But if I'm going to be looking after the subs at the club, it's about more than getting to play with new trainees. It's even about more than being their friend and supporting them. I need to have confidence for them too, when they're struggling with it.

"You want to know what I really think?"

Owen nods eagerly.

"I think Gray is dumb, but he went through a lot with his last sub and he's not in the best place for you. I think you need to give him time. But I also think having a Dom is good for you, and it wouldn't hurt you to have a temporary contract. I don't know Master Amir, but I know Gray and Suzu admire him a lot, so he would be a good one for you to start with. Plus, he'll be going back to London eventually, so you're safe that it's just something temporary."

"You're right, of course. Thanks."

He hugs me and then puts a very serious look on his adorable face.

"Anyway, Master François said you wanted to discuss something with me."

Well, if this doesn't just totally undermine my ideas about being super-sub, looking after everyone else. But I'm committed – if for no other reason than Suzu expects it from me.

"You know I've never safeworded, right?"

"Yeah, you've told me that before."

"Have you?"

"I used my stop once during training, and I've used my soft safeword with Gray."

"Really? But I thought you were mad for him?"

Owen giggles at my shock.

"I am. Doesn't mean I didn't have to put a stop to something. It made me uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault; they're human, you know?"

"Yeah, obviously," I huff, but I'm not sure I believe what I'm saying. They're a little more than human, aren't they?

"I think I'm getting a pretty strong idea why Master François wanted you to speak to me today. You know there's no shame, right? In stopping when it gets too much. When it...I don't know how to say this, but I know you don't get off on humiliation like some of the subs do. I don't either, that's how I can tell. So, when it gets too much, emotionally... there's no shame in stopping things. Fuck."

Owen runs a hand through his soft sandy hair, flushing with embarrassment.

"Maybe he should have asked someone with a lot more experience than me. It's not like I've been doing this any longer than you. Jax would know more."

"No, I know why he did. You're smart, and you know how to look after yourself. Gray probably told him you used your slow down. Maybe I don't know how to do it yet, but I'm learning. Last night, well, he was going to use a toy on me that he used to punish me a while back, and I flipped out a bit, but I didn't safeword. Not back when he was punishing me, and not now. And I know it really bothered him that he had to stop things – not because he minds being in control, but because he worries that I'm not taking care of myself."

It's getting clearer to me, even as I say this to Owen.

"Will you tell me what was happening, before?"

It could be intrusive, to be asked something like that – to discuss my relationship outside of my Dom. It's not so long ago that I think Suzu would have been really angry at the thought of me doing that, but we've both changed, and it isn't an accident that he selected Owen.

I like Jax, and a lot of the other experienced subs at the club, but I'm not close to them. And Nikki and Dae would freak, I think, because I don't feel as though they're as deep into this as I am. Owen is, though. We have different needs, but I think Owen and I are very similar when you pull back from the specifics. So I tell him. I tell him about it being good, and then it going wrong – and now I know why it went wrong I can do that with more understanding – and then how we've worked through the other side.

He listens. And that means everything. When I've finished, he takes a sip of coffee and thinks for a long moment, which means a little more.

"Do you feel better for talking about it?" he asks, eventually.

"I do. So much."

"How do you feel about safewording, now that you've broken everything down?"

"Nervous. I'm a bit worried Suzu will want to test me by pushing me."

"Okay. So what do you need to do?"

It's a test. I know there's actually a right answer to it – something Owen hopes I've learned. It's my turn to think, and I nibble at a carrot stick to buy time, but then I realize I don't need to do that with Owen.

"I'm going to tell him," I say, finally. "I'm going to say I don't want him to test me that way. And if anything happens that I'm uncomfortable with I'll tell him I need to slow down."

"Promise?"

"Promise." And I do. For Owen, but more importantly, for me and for Suzu.

A/N: he did it, he got there, finally *happy dance*