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After my last lesson of the day myself, Aziel and Rachel made our way back home.
"This is my favourite time of day, 4'oclock where we get to leave school" Aziel stated
"Isn't it everyone's?" Rachel replied.
"Y/n where were you at lunch by the way? I didn't see you." She continued
"Oh yeah, I was busy talking to someone"
"OoOoH?! Who now?" She was so nosy,
"Just this boy I met his name was Vic I think? Now no more questions please"
"Gee why are you so damn stubborn" Aziel added. Honestly I wasn't in the mood for questions I just wanted to go home so I could wind down.

Rachel's and Aziel's houses were in the same estate so they both headed to their place while I continued to walk home alone. It's fine though forcing a smile throughout the day is exhausting when you don't mean it, so just listening to some Sleeping With Sirens and walking alone can be quality time.

My dad works from home so luckily when I get home the door is usually unlocked. My brown bag hung low on my shoulders as I slowly made my way down my street. House number 9. I live down a reasonably small country lane which is nice because it feels very secluded and we don't have nasty neighbors. I winded my way around the potholes which littered my road, pushed open the gate and entered my house.

"Hello y/n, is it really home time already?" My dad called to me down the hallway
"Yeah thank fuck for that!!" I shouted in return. I didn't want to waste anytime so I headed straight to my room to put on a change of clothes. I grabbed my MCR t-shirt and some baggy jeans just as something to wear. My first priority is my brother Zach who is 20 only 2 years older than me. I knocked lightly on his door.
"Come in." His voice was so raspy he must be worn out, at least he didn't have to go to school and have that also worry him.
"Hey how was your day today?" I'm always afraid of asking this question because I'm afraid of the answer.
"Same old same old, I got up about an hour ago"
"I'll go get you a drink or some food if you'd like?"
"No thanks just a drink will be fine" I headed out to the kitchen to get him a drink. I made a strawberry smoothie, I know he will hate me for it but he hasn't eaten in 3 days and I can already see the effects of it. I just want him to be ok.

"Thanks, that's not what I wanted but nice try" he gave me that weird look, he was dissapointed but I knew that he cared deep down.
"Please just try to drink it ok, even just a few sips is great!" I let him be and went to my room to browse my phone.

I fell face first onto my bed. My safe space. I clenched my fists and buried my face deep down into my pillow and screamed. The muffled noise could only be heard by me, and my dog who was laying at the foot of my bed. I felt so worthless and lost everyday just became a repeat of the last and when I don't enjoy my days what's the point? *Bzzz bzzz* I reached into my back pocket for my phone.

Rachel- hey so.....

Y/n- so.... What? What do you want now?

Rachel- tell me more about this boy you met today!! I'm dying to know.

Y/n- what more is there to say? I only talked to him for a few minutes lmao.

Rachel- it only takes someone 4 minutes to decide if you like them or not you know.

Y/n- Ew no that's cringey,

Rachel- whatever you say jeez... But I'm going to get his number for you tomorrow! ;)

Y/n- What?! No you better not.

Rachel- Haha too late I'm in his brothers lessons so I'll get it off him. You can't stop me!!

This girl I swear to god. She is gonna get me in trouble some day. I got up off my bed and grabbed my SWS vinyl and started playing it. My parents must be tired of hearing these songs play all the time, let's be honest they probably even regret buying me a speaker.

• • •

6.00pm and dinner time rolls around I go and get my brother so we can sit as a family around the table. Just like before. My dad has never been the best cook but I still appreciated his efforts, he decided to make roast chicken and mash potatoes. The vegetables were steamed so when I bit into them they just felt like mush. You didn't even have to chew them they were that overdone. As well as the mash potatoes being very clumpy and still had the skin on. Well I don't want to even think about how he cooked the chicken...

Everyone dug into there meals but my brother just nervously played with his food and taking small bites from time to time. He doesn't think he deserves food but I can see his eyes trying to fight that voice in his head. It pains me to see him like this. Mum and dad seem oblivious to mine and my brother's problems, it's not that they don't care but they just can't see him struggling.

After food I retreated back into my room to rest. And after some quality time scrolling through my phone and answering Rachel's stupid questions I thought I should probably get some shut-eye so I would actually be awake in school and not zoned out half the time. With so much going on in my head it made my body feel as though I could be physically sick. There were so many thoughts whizzing around in my mind, would I get to talk to Vic tomorrow? How much longer can I go on like this? And how much longer can my brother go...?
This is what sucks so much about sleeping, you can't distract yourself from your thoughts, you're left defenceless against them. I've always said that I hate going to sleep becasue I don't want to wake up and repeat the same torture of each day. But only 4 more days of hell until a 2day break right?

The idea of the weekend break kept me from going insane throughout the week, not much longer until Saturday.

My eyes were heavy and my body was begging me for just some time to sleep. I eventually gave into my needs...
. . . . . . . . .

So this was an utter mess ahahah but I hope you like it 😔

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