Kazuto's POV
It has been almost two hours since Asuna went to bed. I could hear her soft breathing as she slept. I felt tired but I didn't want to sleep. I'm afraid if I close my eyes now, the nightmares will come back and haunt me right away. Seeing those black circles under Asuna's eyes, I knew very well that I was the one who caused them. Those panic attacks of mine not only kept me awake but her as well. So if I could stay awake, I might reduce the chance of my panic attacks and let her sleep. I didn't care what happens to me as long as she doesn't suffer with me.
However, I doubt I would be able to maintain such a state for long as my body would eventually force me to sleep once it reaches its limits. I racked my brains for any other options I could take as I didn't want to be a burden to everyone around me. 'I'm so pathetic, I'm always causing trouble to the people around me. No matter how much I tried getting stronger, it didn't change a thing. I'm still as useless as I could ever be.' I clutched my head with both hands and turned to my side, away from Asuna. I didn't want to wake her or to let her see me. My wounds hurt from being pressed on by my body weight but I didn't care.
'Asuna deserves someone better, someone, who can take good care of her. I'm always bringing her pain. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve to find happiness. Maybe I shouldn't have lived after all.' A dangerous thought ran through my mind and I unknowingly brought both hands to my chest wound and began scratching on it. I winced at the pain but bit on my lips to keep my voice in.
As the negativity began invading my mind, my hands applied more pressure, digging into the wound and drawing a lot of blood. I mind slowly become hazy and I was no longer holding back my voice as I wheezed for air due to the numbing pain.
"Kirito-kun?" A small sweet voice called my name. I immediately knew that I had accidentally woken up Asuna. I kept my back facing her and held in my voice once more. I could hear her stepping out of her bed and walking towards me. Her warm hands touched my upper left arm and I flinched, afraid that she would discover my actions. "Why are you sleeping like that? It's not good for your wounds." She said while trying to turn my body over to face her. I held my position and she became increasingly worried. "Kirito-kun? What's wrong? Why won't you turn around?"
Eventually, she forcefully flipped my body to face her and gasped when she saw the amount of blood soaking my clothes and bedsheet. I kept my eyes closed in pain and tried reaching for my reopened wound once more. Since she had found out, I thought that I should quickly end this and spare both of us any more troubles. "Kirito-kun, stop! Stop I said! Why are you doing this?!" Asuna saw through me and grabbed my bloody hands to stop me. I yelled in protest and tried to struggle free. "Aki-san! Aki-san!" I heard Asuna screamed for Aki-san's help and the said nurse came in within a few seconds with another injection ready. The next thing I knew, everything around turned black.
Three hours later
Asuna stood outside of Kazuto's ward while the doctor and Nurse Aki tend to Kazuto's wound. The doctor soon exited the room describing the boy's condition to her.
"We've resealed Kirigaya-kun's wounds and there aren't any physical dangers to his body. However, based on our observation during these two days, we've noticed that the medication for his panic disorder seemed to be working slowly for him and had also caused some side effects as well. These side effects apparently differ from different people." The doctor explained.
"What kind of side effects?"Asuna asked nervously.
"Well for his case, it's activation syndrome. This usually happens to people who had not taken anti-depressants before. Normally, this would cause a person to have symptoms of insomnia, restlessness, aggressiveness and in rare cases depression and suicidal thoughts. These side effects are generally mild and temporary when adjusting to a new medication. Just to be on the safe side, we've decided to prescribe another type of anti-depressant for him. I may be slightly more costly but it's definitely safer as up until now there are cases of side effects when used." The doctor reassured Asuna to which the girl thanked him with a deep bow before watching him leave.
YOU ARE READING
A Renegade of Reality
Romance"Have you ever truly experienced the feeling of losing your sense of reality?" These words echoed mysteriously in Kirigaya Kazuto's mind one day. Little did he know, it was the onset to his suffering. Will his friends be able to save him from the wh...
